BEC名师评点网友作文(11)

　　本期作文题目
　　You need to inform your marketing team about a radio advertising campaign for one of your company's new products.
　　Write an email to your team:
　　* reminding tehm which new product it is
　　* explaining why you've chosen to advertise on radio
　　* saying what you expect the advertising campaign to achieve.
　　Write 40-50 words.
　　Sample:
　　It is believed that everyone knows about our new product - TE 128, which will be launch ed recently. We will use radio advertising owing to our budget . I hope that the campaign will cover most of the cusomters we are having now and bring new ones.
　　网友作文一：
　　Dear All,
　　Our new product advertising campain[1] for A02 auto-navigating instrument[2] is coming soon. As you know, radio is the most available for drivers. I believe we will make a gorgeous advertisement suitable for them.
　　_________________________________________
　　[1]这个名词结构太长了，另外主体不清楚啊。看清楚题目要求，先remind 大家一下，可以用很多表示提醒的结构。
　　[2]英文中的"设备"有很多个词，这个词适合乐器，应该搭配musical instrument, 这个地方比较合适用facility 或者 equipment
　　网友作文二：
　　To: marketing team
　　Fr: coco218
　　Date: Dec. 15th,2008
　　Subject:a radio advertising campaign for new products
　　Dear teammate,
　　A new mobile phone[1] will be the next NEW ARRIVAL.And it will be advertised on radio because of our short of money[2] .I hope our marketing team could make out an attactive advertisement and the sale would hit 20% of the market share[3].
　　Thanks.和谐英语论坛
　　Regards.
　　_________________________________________
　　[1]这不对吧，你们公司原来不是做mobile phone 的？改为 new product 比较合适。
　　[2]Shortage of money
　　[3]画蛇添足，sale 就是可以冲击新高的，这和market share 有什么关系。
　　网友作文三：
　　To:All stuff
　　From:Manager
　　Date:Dec.16th 2008
　　Subject:a radio advertisement of our new products
　　I want to inform you our radio campaign for the new medicine.I think[1] many elders often listen to the radio and they are the are[2] in most need of our products,also advertising on radio is much cheaper than on TV,we can have more profits[3] or bring down the price[4].
　　Thank you.
　　_________________________________________
　　[1]去掉这种主观的表达。直接用后面的主语开头。
　　[2]改为the ones
　　[3]Maximize the margins.
　　[4]去掉
　　网友作文四：
　　To: Marketing team
　　From: Alvin
　　Subject: radio advertising campaign for inverter transformer
　　Dear All,
　　The inverter transformer[1], as a new product of our company, need an advertisment now. Taking the aim customers'[2] habit into consideration, we decide to advertise on radio. We expect to make people accept our new product and get sale amount of 5 million USD within the first two months.
　　Thanks!
　　Best Regards!
　　_________________________________________
　　[1]既然是个产品，首字母应该大写
　　[2]这个叫target customer
　　网友作文五：
　　To: all salesmen
　　From: Joe Lee, Marketing Manager
　　Subject: launching an ad on radio
　　I would like to inform all of you that I decide[1] to launch the advertisement of our new product of earphone on radio in that students are one of the major audience of radio and they are also our main consumers.[2]
　　_________________________________________
　　[1]改为：it is decided that.....
　　[2]整个句子太长了