最重要的教养之道：坚定

 

Top Parenting Info: Be Consistent

 

A consistent approach is pivotal to successfully teaching a son or daughter right from wrong when punishing them. It prevents small misdeeds and poor conduct from turning into greater misdeeds. You have to remain unwavering and mean it when you ask them, ”Switch off your computer now””or “no dessert after dinner because you didn’t touch your dinner”.

A consistent approach shows your son or daughter there are express effects for misdeeds and improper or unsatisfactory deeds or manners.

Displaying a lack of consistency when punishing makes you directly accountable for for your children’s misdeeds and will not teach them how to be liable for their exploits.

It’s also necessary that each partner is consistent with the discipline. If one parent is firm and the other is too forgiving, the son or daughter will key into that and attempt to manipulate the position to his or her advantage. Parents must be in agreement on disciplinary code beforehand and make a commitment to each other to be consistent in carrying out and following through with the consequences. This can be especially difficult if the child’s parents are divorced or separated. Though you are not living together, it’s crucial that both parents have a united ground. Openly and honestly agree these parameters with your former spouse and your son or daughter in advance, so that if any disciplinary action is called for, the effect of such misdeeds are fully realized in advance.

Any disagreements between parents should bedebated when the child is not present.

Being consistent refers to being resolute, even when doing so is really demanding or gruelling. It can sometimes be difficult to arrive home after a long day at work only to find a challenging evening of parenting in store for you.

Your son or daughter will consistently probe the parameters and ‘push the envelope’ with you to see if there’s any play in those consequences. By being resolute you are establishing there is not and that you demand them to do nothing less than assume the burden for their deeds.

 

当你因自己的儿子或女儿做了错事而惩罚他们时，坚定是至关重要的。它能预防小错变大。但是你一定要保持坚定，即当你对他们说：“现在，关了你的电脑。”或者“因为你没碰你的晚餐，你饭后不许吃甜点。”
坚定的教育之道会让你的儿子或女儿知道，在他们做了错事，做了不适当的举止或不令人满意的行为之后，你会立刻有相应的反应。

      如果你教育时缺乏坚定的态度，你要直接为你孩子的错误行为负责，你也无法教会他们如何为自己的行为负责。

      父母对规矩的态度保持一致也是十分必要的。如果父母中的一位很坚定而另一个太过宽容，儿子或女儿会钻此空子并试图利用这种优势加以操纵。父母必须事先对规矩达成一致，并相互承诺在实行时也步调相同，将相应的惩治结果实行到底。这实施起来对于离异的父母而言尤其困难。虽然你们不住在一起，但是父母间口径一致是十分关键的。事先就此直接并诚实地与你的前人配偶达成一致，并告知你们的儿子或女儿，一旦他们做了破坏规矩的行为，惩治的效果就能充分实现。

      父母间任何的意见相左必须在孩子不在场时加以讨论。

      坚定意味着要有决心，即使如此做需要很多心力，十分繁重。有时这真的很困难：劳累了一天回到家中，发现在家中，等待着你的是挑战——一晚上你都要去教育自己的孩子。

      你的儿子或女儿会不停的探视惩罚的界限，想从你这里知道与此有关的事项，来看看做了这些事会有什么结果。有坚定的决心，你会让他们知道你并没有特别要求他们什么，只想让他们知道他们要为自己的行为负责。