抓紧的爱中隐藏暴力危机

 Experts say lovers shouldn't cling too tightly to each other. CFP

DU Mingyu, 22, got an emergencycall from his girlfriend at night. The 21-year-old girl told Du she was standing at the edge of a dorm roof and if he did not show up in five minuets she would jump off. Du rushed over, the girl was fine – but the relationship wasn't.

Du, an automation major at Wuhan University of Technology, recalled recently: "The pressure was too much. I know she loves me, but it's too extreme. I can't imagine [what I would have done] if she had actually jumped."

For some couples this sort of intensitycan end in tragedy.

Yi, 23, an art major, and Tan, 20, a TV broadcast engineering major, for example, won't ever re-think their troubled relationship. The pair fell to their deaths last week from a dorm at Communication University of China in Beijing.

Some dorm residents said that, just before they fell, they had a big fight and the girl screamed. Police say the boy was thought to have hurt the girl just before she fell.

Pressure can cause a student to become obsessed with another girl or boy, and it can turn bad.

According to Dr Wang Xiangxian, of Tianjin Normal University's Gender and Social Development Research Center, around 22 percent of college students who have relationships experience some form of physical violence.

Li Xinlian, head of Beijing's Zhongheng Psychological Consultation Center, says that loneliness is one of the causes. This is not high school and students face pressures living and studying on their own. They seldom share their emotions with fellow students.

"So they find a relationship to gain support," says Li. If they become too dependent on that and it becomes an obsession, and one person changes, the other can go to extremes, Li explains.

Du's relationship with his girlfriend illustrates this. The girl was introverted and had no close friend. She poured out her complaints about every trivial thing to him. When they had a fight, things turned bad: "She would cry and refuse to eat. Once, she thought I was breaking up with her and freaked out." He faces a dilemma: he doesn't think she's the right girl for him, but he doesn't want her to do something stupid.

Dr Wang says that Du is being mentally abused by his girlfriend, and that it's as risky as a physical confrontation: "If this form of abuse is not stopped early, it could turn physical, or cause serious problems in future."

Research shows that at least 50 percent of student couples experience some form of verbal abuse.

Li Qian, 21, who is studying law at Shandong University, is thinking about breaking up with her boyfriend because he's too protective. Every time she gets a phone call or text message, he wants to know who it is or he gets angry. "I know he cares a lot, but this is just too tiring," says Li.

To Dr Wang, Li's boyfriend is acting not out of love but from a desire to control, which has a negative psychological effect. "Students have to learn that love is built on respect, not possession."

"To deal with confusion," says Zhongheng's Li, "they should set goals and try to have a sense of achievement. In that case, they don't have to find someone to confide in. A boyfriend or girlfriend is about falling in love with a personality, not seeking comfort."

BONUS

confide in sb

充分信赖某人

After ten years of friendship, he is the one I can confide in.

obse

使(某人)牵挂、惦念、着迷或困扰

The fear of death obsessed her throughout her old age.

她晚年一直受到死亡恐惧的困扰。

happen to

(碰巧，偶然)发生

Should you happen to see him, please give him my regards.

如果你碰巧见到他，请代我向他致意。