昔日情人成为网络好友合适吗?

在网上将旧情人加为好友，这样做合适吗？

问问乔伊·摩尔(Joy Moore)吧，她最近刚刚在网上寻找初恋情人。1974年，他还是高中橄榄球队的队长──高大、帅气、留着络腮胡子，摩尔说那当时可是风行一时。他带她去参加教会的活动，教她接吻。后来他搬走了。

30多年一晃而过。当摩尔在Facebook上看到旧爱的名字时，她说她觉得心跳不已。

等她看到他的照片就没这种感觉了。现年49岁的摩尔是新墨西哥州阿尔布开克的一名企业教练。她说，他的胡子长及腹部，看上去就像ZZ Top乐队的成员。他一年里的最高成就是成为当地的飞镖冠军。

想想看。多年没有联系，一切都很好。但现在，由于Facebook、MySpace和LinkedIn这类社交网站，我们的旧情人简直是凭空出现在我们家里。这就像在冰箱里有个隐密的隔层放着冰淇淋。就算有点变味了，但也还是很难抵制它的诱惑。

毕竟那个人是我们的第一次，为之心动、初吻、为他流泪、跟他上床、带他回家认识父母、甚至结婚。难怪我们会好奇。

或许我们是想思量自己没有选择的那条路。或许我们是在寻求原谅──或是辩解。如果我们还是单身或者目前跟另一半相处不愉快，我们可能还希望找到曾经一度喜欢自己的人，因为理论上他们可能还会再喜欢我们。

Is it really a good idea to 'friend' our old flames and crushes online?

Ask Joy Moore, who recently went searching for her first love on the Internet. In 1974, he was captain of the high-school football team -- tall, handsome, with mutton-chop sideburns that Ms. Moore says were 'all the rage at the time.' He took her to church events and taught her how to kiss. Then he moved away.

Flash ahead 30-odd years. When Ms. Moore saw her old love's name on Facebook, she says she felt 'that little flutter' in her chest.

Until she saw his picture. 'He had a beard down to his belly and looked just like one of the members of ZZ Top,' says Ms. Moore, 49 years old, an executive coach in Albuquerque, N.M. 'His accomplishment for the year was being the local darts champ.'

Think about it. We went years without reconnecting, and everything was fine. But now, thanks to social-networking sites such as Facebook, MySpace and LinkedIn, our old lovers are essentially popping up in our own homes. It's like having a secret stash of ice cream in the freezer. Even if it's a little stale, it can be hard to resist.

After all, we're talking about the first person we had a crush on, or kissed, or cried over, or had sex with, or took home to Mom, or maybe even married. No wonder we're curious.

Perhaps we want to ponder the road not taken. Or maybe we're searching for forgiveness -- or vindication. If we are single, or unhappy in a current relationship, we might be looking for someone who was attracted to us at one time because, so the theory goes, they could be attracted to us again.