人们形形色色的请假理由

． Fell out of bed and broke his nose

． Caught a cold from a puppy

． Got sick from eating too much at a party

． Had to go to the hospital after accidentally drinking antifreeze

． Hurt his back chasing a beaver

． Got his toe caught in a vent cover

． Developed a headache from attending too many garage sales

员工：

． 从床上掉下来，摔破了鼻子

． 感染了“狗流感”

． 参加派对吃得太多，吃坏了肚子

． 不小心喝了防冻液，不得不去医院就医

． 捉海狸的时候伤到了背部

． 脚趾头被排气孔给卡住了

． 疯狂赶场参加旧货交易，结果导致头痛

There is a special category for absentees that were victims of peculiar accidents:

． Bats got into the employee's hair.

． A refrigerator fell on the employee.

． A bucket filled with water crashed through the ceiling of a bowling alley and hit the employee on the head.

． A deer bit the employee while he was hunting.

． While the employee's hamster was giving birth, she was so sickened by the process that she (the employee, not the hamster) passed out.

而有一些缺勤者给出的理由更是匪夷所思：

． 蝙蝠钻进了头发

． 冰箱倒了，砸在身上

． 一只装满水的水桶砸破保龄球馆的屋顶，恰好又砸在自己的头上

． 打猎时被一只鹿咬伤了

． 宠物仓鼠要产崽，整个过程让人恶心不已，于是，她（员工本人，而不是仓鼠）晕了过去。

If there were a prize, it would have to go to a chef who, in his lucrative job as second-in-command in the kitchen of a prestigious high-volume restaurant, "had pre-existing allergies he chose not to disclose to us," said the person who hired him.

当然，如果对请假理由进行评奖的话，大奖非一位大厨莫属。他在一家著名的餐厅担任副厨师长，这家餐厅生意火爆，而且给他的待遇也十分丰厚。他的老板说：“他称自己之前就有过敏症，只不过一直没有跟我们透露。”

The fellow was allergic, it turned out, to so many different comestibles that, after all his paid sick days and vacation were used up, he "ultimately was moved to a role where he didn't touch food."

原来这位大厨对许多食物过敏，于是在用完了所有带薪病假和假期之后，他“终于找了一份不需要跟食物打交道的工作。”

Okay. Plenty of chefs don't touch food (they conceptualize: their minions mince the shallots and deglaze the saucepans), but I still have one niggling question: Who accidentally drinks antifreeze? Could it have been the deer hunter who let the deer get close enough to bite him?

好吧。许多厨师都不碰食物（这是后厨的规矩 ：由下属负责切洋葱和清洗炒锅之类的杂活）。但我还是不明白：谁会不小心喝防冻液呢？会不会是那个猎鹿人一直等着那只鹿走过来咬他？

Now, that is a story I would like to hear.

我倒想听听他们的解释。