婚姻:逃不了的围城

Indeed, a majority of singles are hoping to walk down an aisle one day—even those in cohabiting couples—regardless of marriage's obsolescence. Therein lies the paradox: Why do we want to join an institution that, according to us, is passing its expiration date? Privately, we're choosing to live in sin or by our lonesomes. But publicly, we profess our interest in joining the oldest of romantic institutions. Or is it the other way around?

事实上，大多数单身贵族还是很希望有一天——可以像其他同居男女一样——走在林荫道上——先不考虑婚姻的。其中存在一个悖论：为什么我们都想遵循，在我们看来，是一种即将过时的制度呢？背地里，我们选择罪恶地姘居或过着独居生活；却公开宣称自己对加入那种最过时 但具有浪漫情调的制度多么有兴趣。或者又多么没兴趣？

Here's one possibility: The word "marriage" means different things in different contexts. On a societal level, marriage dredges up images of antiquated gender roles, social pressures, and institutional control. But individually, we see the opportunity to mold the institution to fit our own values—even more now that it's not obligatory.

这里有一种可能的解释：“婚姻”这个词在不同的语境中意义不同。在社会层面上，婚姻让人想起那种过时的性别角色形象、社会压力以及制度上的约束。但个人看来，我们有机会改进这种制度让其符合我们的价值观——更多是因为婚姻不是强制的。

"As marriage has become less necessary to support yourself, to gain respectability, to have a rewarding life and a successful life, we've raised our expectations of what kind of a relationship we want," says Coontz. "Because it's not essential, we're no longer willing to enter a marriage that we don't see as being really, really good."

“我们能够自力更生、获取社会地位、过上有意义而又成功的生活，在这个过程中，婚姻变得越来越不必要，我们对自己想要的那种婚恋关系的期望值抬高了，”昆兹表示，“因为婚姻不重要了，我们不再心甘情愿地踏入我们认为真的真的那么好的婚姻殿堂了。”

That logic may mean that our generation waits to get hitched for the "right" reasons—love, compatibility, financial stability (which, given the state of the economy, is inevitably delayed). That explains the rise of cohabitation as much as it does the fall of marriage. Most of us who choose to live together see it as a test drive for marriage, not a real alternative. But because we recognize that we do have options, marriage seems more "ours."

那样的逻辑可能意味着，我们这一代就是在等“对”的结婚理由——爱情、合得来以及经济基础稳定（考虑到经济状况，结婚就不可避免地延迟了。）这也很容易解释随着结婚人数的下降，同居人数却在上升。多数选择生活在一起的人都将同居看做“试婚”，而不是一个婚姻备选项。但原因是我们认识到了自己有选择权，这样看来，婚姻更是“我们自己的事儿”。

By agreeing that marriage is "obsolete," we're saying good riddance to our parents' idea of what the word means. But so many of us feel this way that we have created a new social compact around the institution's redefinition. We're signing the certificates on the premise that we're ambivalent about marriage but too chicken to start from scratch. Pretty soon our friends will pair up and fall in line. And so it begins again.

我们赞同婚姻“过时”这种说法，就已经摆脱了父母眼中这个词的概念，这的确可喜可贺。许多人都有这种感觉，感觉自己已经围着这个制度的再定义创造了一种新的社会契约。在婚书上签字的那一刻，心中依然充满矛盾、胆怯，没有白手起家的勇气。但是很快，我们的朋友们就成双成对地加入结婚大军。那么结婚就又流行了。