异性男女做不到“只是朋友”

Men were also more willing to act on this mistakenly perceived mutual attraction. Both men and women were equally attracted to romantically involved opposite-sex friends and those who were single; “hot” friends were hot and “not” friends were not, regardless of their relationship status. However, men and women differed in the extent to which they saw attached friends as potential romantic partners. Although men were equally as likely to desire “romantic dates” with “taken” friends as with single ones, women were sensitive to their male friends’ relationship status and uninterested in pursuing those who were already involved with someone else.
男性还更愿意让这种错觉下的相互吸引继续下去。不管对方是正在恋爱中还是单身，男女都会被这些异性朋友所吸引；不论他们的感情状态如何，有吸引力的朋友就是有吸引力，没有的就是没有。然而，在何种程度上会把朋友视为潜在的浪漫对象，男女也存在差别。无论是对于已经有另一半的朋友还是单身的朋友，男性都同样希望和她们有“浪漫的约会”，而女性对于她们男性朋友的感情状态比较敏感，她们没有兴趣和那些已经有另一半的男性继续下去。

These results suggest that men, relative to women, have a particularly hard time being “just friends.” What makes these results particularly interesting is that they were found within particular friendships. This is not just a bit of confirmation for stereotypes about sex-hungry males and naïve females; it is direct proof that two people can experience the exact same relationship in radically different ways. Men seem to see myriad opportunities for romance in their supposedly platonic opposite-sex friendships. The women in these friendships, however, seem to have a completely different orientation—one that is actually platonic.
这些结果说明，相比较女性而言，男性更难做到“只是朋友”。而这些结果是在特定的友谊中得出的，这让调查结果更有意思。这不仅证实了大家对于充满性渴望的男性和天真单纯的女性的固有印象，还直接证明了同一段关系中的两个人可以有着完全不同的感觉。在一段应该是柏拉图式的异性友谊中，男性似乎看到了无数的浪漫可能，而女性的视角则完全不同——就是单纯的柏拉图式关系。

To the outside observer, it seems clear that these vastly different views about the potential for romance in opposite-sex friendships could cause serious complications—and people within opposite-sex relationships agree. In a follow-up study, 249 adults (many of whom were married) were asked to list the positive and negative aspects of being friends with a specific member of the opposite sex. Variables related to romantic attraction were five times more likely to be listed as negative aspects of the friendship than as positive ones.
在局外人看来，很显然，由于男女对于异性友谊中潜在浪漫的看法存在巨大差异，这会带来极大的麻烦，有异性朋友的人们也同意这一点。在一项后续调查中，249个成年人（其中很多人已婚）被要求列出和某位异性交朋友的正面和负面因素。把“浪漫吸引” 列为负面因素的人是将其列为正面因素的5倍。

However, the differences between men and women appeared here as well. Males were significantly more likely than females to list romantic attraction as a benefit of opposite-sex friendships, and this discrepancy increased as men aged—males on the younger end of the spectrum were four times more likely than females to report romantic attraction as a benefit of opposite-sex friendships, whereas those on the older end of the spectrum were ten times more likely to do the same.
然而，在这个问题上男女依然存在区别。男性比女性更容易将浪漫吸引列为异性友谊的好处，而且这种差异随着男性年龄的增长会扩大。在这项调查中年轻的男性将浪漫吸引列为异性友谊好处的倾向是女性的4倍，而在更年长的男性那里，这个数字是10倍。

Taken together, these studies suggest that men and women have vastly different views of what it means to be “just friends”—and that these differing views have the potential to lead to trouble. Although women seem to be genuine in their belief that opposite-sex friendships are platonic, men seem unable to turn off their desire for something more. And even though both genders agree overall that attraction between platonic friends is more negative than positive, males are less likely than females to hold this view.
综上所述，这些调查说明男女对于“只做朋友”的含义的理解大有不同——而这种差异可能导致麻烦。尽管女性似乎真的相信异性友谊可以是柏拉图式的，男性似乎难以控制产生更多的欲望。不过男女基本都同意，单纯朋友之间的吸引带来的消极因素多于积极因素，女性比男性更容易持有这种观点。

So, can men and women be “just friends?” If we all thought like women, almost certainly. But if we all thought like men, we’d probably be facing a serious overpopulation crisis.
那么，男女到底可不可能“只是朋友”呢？如果我们都像女性一样考虑，答案几乎是肯定的。但是如果我们都像男性一样思考，我们恐怕要面对严重的人口过剩危机了。