两性关系:女士们,当心暴力男友

Official statistics on dating violence do not exist in China, although domestic violence figures are readily available. According to a survey conducted by All-China Women's Federation in 2011, one out of four married women in China has experienced family violence.
约会暴力的官方数据在中国不存在，虽然家庭暴力的数据是现成的。根据全国妇女联合会2011年进行的一项调查显示，1/4的中国已婚妇女经历过家庭暴力。

Wang notices that there is a tendency that Chinese people started dating at a younger age. Many young lovers don't really know how to handle their anger and anxieties so they use violence as an outlet for their negative emotions.
王注意到一种倾向，中国人在年轻时开始约会。许多年轻的情侣们真的不知道如何处理自己的愤怒和焦虑，所以他们使用暴力作为他们负面情绪的一种发泄。

Dating violence has serious consequences, according to experts. The victim can become depressed, anxious, fearful, or even suicidal.
约会暴力会有严重的后果，根据专家。受害人可能变得压抑、焦虑、恐惧，甚至自杀。

Once dating violence happens, there are a few sensible ways people can respond, says Huo Liqin, a psychologist with Peking University.
一旦约会暴力发生，有一些明智的方法人们可以应对，霍莉钦说，北京大学的一位心理学家。

"It is imperative that two parties in the relationship to have a quality talk right after the first instance when they still have feelings for each other," says Huo.
“当务之急是当他们仍然对彼此有感觉的那一刻恋爱中的双方有一场高质量的谈话，”霍说。

A three-step communication method may help:
一个三步交流方法可以有帮助：

First, the two people involved should share their feelings, says Huo. "Tell your partner how shocked and heartbroken you are. If there are uncertainties about the relationship, you should tell your partner as well."
首先，两个人应该分享他们的感受，霍说。“告诉你的伴侣你是多么震惊和悲伤。如果关于恋爱有不确定，你应该告诉你的伴侣。”

Second, it is important for the abuser to talk. The victim needs to be a good listener at this point and try to pinpoint what made their partner so angry, Huo says. For example, a quarrel may start over the furniture but the girl moves to say she is very disappointed with the boy's low-paid job. And that may be the straw leading to the outburst.
第二，施虐者说话是很重要的。受害者需要是一个好的倾听者在这一点上，试图找出是什么让他们的伴侣这么生气，霍说。例如，争吵可能会从家具开始，但女孩会转而说到她对男孩低薪的工作非常失望。而且这可能是导致爆发的那根稻草。

Third, the two should find a way to avoid escalating arguments and preventing abuse. For example, when the boy is very angry and on verge of explosion, he could make a gesture to the girl. The girl then, receiving the signal, should stop talking. Or, when the girl finds his boyfriend looks very angry and about to attack, leave the room. They can get back to discussion after calming down.
第三，两个人应该找到一个方法来避免争论升级和防止滥用暴力。例如，当男孩很生气并处在爆炸的边缘，他可以向女孩做一个手势。这个女孩然后，接收到信号，应该停止说话。或者，当女孩发现他的男朋友看起来很生气，要攻击时，离开房间。他们可以平静之后回到讨论。

Huo pointed that those with violent tendencies are often poor communicators. "They can't convince their partner see things the way they do. They get angry and attack," she says. "It is important for the victim to listen, and help the abuser improve their communication skills. Otherwise, when they have children, he may be abusive to them."
霍指出那些暴力倾向者常常是可怜的传播者。“他们无法说服伴侣看待事物的方式。他们变得生气和攻击，”她说。“对受害者来说倾听很重要，帮助施虐者提高他们的交流技巧。否则，当他们有了孩子，他可能会虐待他们。”