怎样和子女谈关于我的钱以及我有多少钱

My eldest daughter recently caught me off guard with a tricky question. It wasn’t about sex, relationships or her future career, but about money. Or to be more precise, my money and how much of it I had.

我的大女儿最近问了我一个棘手的问题，让我有些措手不及。这个问题不是关于性，也不是关于感情或她的未来职业，而是关于钱。或者更准确地说，是关于我的钱以及我有多少钱。

Like all young people approaching university, her question was probably inspired mainly by her concern that I will be able to help support her financially during her degree. But I suspect it was also driven by curiosity. I pondered how best to answer her. 

正如所有即将跨入大学的年轻人一样，她提出这一疑问，很可能是出于对我能否在她攻读学位期间提供经济支持的担忧。但我怀疑这也受好奇心驱使。我思索着该如何给她最好的答复。

If I answered it outright, how would it affect her? Would she be more or less motivated to work hard at university? Would she be more or less careful about her spending? How would it affect her relationship with me? Would she tell her friends, inevitably ensuring that their parents knew my financial position? Would those parents be pleased, envious or sorry for me? Why should I care?

如果我坦言相告，会对她有怎样的影响？她会有更大还是更少的动力在大学里努力学习？她在消费时会更小心还是更随意？这会如何影响她跟我的关系？她会不会告诉她的朋友，进而不可避免地令她们的父母了解到我的财务状况？那些家长会感到高兴、嫉妒还是为我遗憾？我为什么要在乎这些？

I could, of course, have chosen not to answer her. But I asked myself whether this might become a cause of tension, distrust or contention between us. It might make it easier — or harder — to involve her in my finances when she is older. Is my financial position any of my daughter’s business anyway? 

我当然可以选择不回答她。但我问自己，这会不会成为造成我们之间关系紧张、不信任或出现争执的原因？也许等她年长一些再让她介入我的财务会更容易（或者更困难）。无论如何，我的财务状况到底关不关我女儿的事？

Many people find it hard to talk about money. This is understandable, because we relate to money on an emotional, not rational, level. Because our money thoughts and feelings are influenced by our emotions, this can lead us to procrastinate or make poor decisions. For some people, money defines their feelings of self-worth, social status and sense of achievement. Others see money as a force for good, while others see it as a necessary evil. Money can be a source of pleasure or pain. 

很多人发现在钱的问题上难以启齿。这可以理解，因为我们是在情感（而不是理性）层面思考金钱这个主题。由于我们对钱的想法和感觉会受到情绪的影响，我们可能拖延或者作出糟糕的决定。对有些人来说，金钱定义了他们所感受到的自我价值、社会地位和成就感。有些人视金钱为善的力量，另一些人则视其为“必要之恶”。金钱可能带来快乐，也可能带来痛苦。

Depending on your level of wealth, discussing your financial situation with your teenage or young adult children can be fraught with difficulties. Most people want their children to be motivated to make their own way in the world and not to think they can sit back and rely on a future inheritance. Resentment can sometimes be caused when children see their parents spending their wealth on exotic holidays, expensive cars or other luxuries.

取决于你的财富水平，跟你十来岁或刚成年的子女讨论你的财务状况，可能困难重重。大多数人希望他们的子女具有自己在这个世界上立足的动力，而不是认为自己可以无所事事，寄望未来某时会得到的那份遗产。当子女看到父母把积蓄花在异国假日、豪车或其他奢侈品上，有时会产生怨恨。

The next 30 years will see the largest ever transfer of wealth take place, with recent estimates suggesting that at least $16tr of global wealth will pass to the next generation. The majority of which will be transferred over the next 10-30 years. About $830bn of that wealth transfer will occur in the UK. The question is, will the next generation be prepared for it? 

未来30年里将出现史上最大规模的财富转移，近期估测似乎表明，全球将有至少16万亿美元的财富转移到下一代手中。其中大部分会在未来10至30年转移到位。大约8300亿美元的财富转移会发生在英国。问题是，下一代会为此做好准备吗？

A key beneficiary of the wealth tsunami in the UK is likely to be the state. The Office for Budget Responsibility forecasts that receipts from inheritance tax in the UK will continue to rise, with nearly ￡21bn expected to be paid by estates between 2017-2021. The extent to which families can reduce their potential inheritance tax depends, to a large extent, on their personal values, priorities and ability to plan their finances on a family-wide basis. 

在英国，这场财富“海啸”的一大受益人很可能是政府。政府预算责任办公室(Office for Budget Responsibility)预测，英国政府的遗产税收入将持续增长，2017至2021年期间，遗产缴纳的税收总计将接近210亿英镑。英国家庭可以想方设法降低潜在的遗产税，但具体幅度在很大程度上取决于个人价值观、人生重点以及在全家基础上规划财务的能力。

Another key consideration is life expectancy. With rising life expectancy, many of us can expect to live into our 90s. This means that wealth transfer upon death is increasingly happening when the beneficiaries are in their 50s or 60s, unless wealth transfers have been made during lifetime. Most people are naturally unwilling to give away substantial amounts of their wealth in their lifetime, if they think they might need it to fund their own lifestyle needs.

另一个重要的考虑因素是预期寿命。随着预期寿命不断上升，我们中的很多人有望活到90多岁。这意味着，除了那些在生前发生的财富转移，随身故而发生的财富转移，将越来越多地发生在受益人50多岁甚至60多岁的时候。多数人自然不愿意在生前就放弃自己的很大一部分财富——如果他们认为可能需要这笔财富为自己的生活方式买单。

Generation X — those born between the mid 1960s to the mid 1970s — can also find it difficult to discuss money with their parents. The baby boomer generation grew up after the second world war when rationing was still in place and most people had relatively modest living standards. Many people born before the war grew up during the depression of the 1930s, when times really were tough and waste was frowned upon. In both cases, people in their 60s, 70s and 80s have a very different view of money from their adult children and grandchildren. 

在上世纪60年代中期至70年代中期出生的X一代(Generation X)，可能也会发现很难跟他们的父母谈论“钱”。婴儿潮中出生的人，成长于第二次世界大战后仍实行配给的年代，那时多数人的生活水平相对一般。同时很多在战前出生的人，成长于30年代大萧条的艰难时期，那时浪费被视为可耻。在这两种情况下，那些年龄在60多岁、70多岁和80多岁的人，跟他们的成年子女和孙辈有非常不同的金钱观。

One financial adviser firm I know runs regular wealth workshops for adult children of their clients, where they explain basic financial planning concepts and give a generic overview of the type of planning done by their parents and grandparents. This helps create awareness and understanding about family wealth without going into specifics, while also building a relationship between the advice firm and the younger generation, before any transfer of wealth arises. 

我知道的一家理财咨询公司，会定期为客户的成年子女举办财富讲座，讲解基本的财务规划理念，并笼统概述这些人的父母和祖父母所做的理财规划类型。这有助于在不谈细节的基础上培养对家庭财富的意识和理解，同时也能在财富转移发生之前，在该咨询公司和较年轻一代之间建立良好关系。

Another way of developing a dialogue about family finances is to have regular structured family financial planning meetings. Many good financial advice firms are happy to provide this service either as part of their core planning service or for a modest additional fee. These meetings are an ideal forum to discuss things like the appointment and role of trustees, guardians, executors and attorneys. 

另一种建立家庭财务对话的方式，是定期举行有组织的家庭财务规划会议。很多不错的理财咨询公司都乐意提供这一服务，要么作为他们理财规划核心服务的一部分，要么收取少许额外费用。此类会议是讨论受托人、监护人、遗嘱执行人和律师的委任和角色等事务的理想平台。

At the very least it is a good idea to create a “What to do if we die or get seriously ill” document which summarises who the next generation should contact about various financial issues. Together with a statement setting out what assets you own, this should help your adult children or grandchildren make sense of your financial world, even if you haven’t discussed things beforehand.

在最低限度，拟订一份“如果我们身故或得重病了该怎么办”的文件是个不错的主意，可用这份文件为下一代列出在各类财务问题上应该联系谁。连同一份列出你拥有的资产的声明，这应该帮助你的成年子女或孙辈厘清你的财务世界，即便你们事先并未讨论过。

Back to my daughter and her question about my net worth. I answered: “We have enough money to have a nice lifestyle; for me to choose what type of work I want to do; for us to fund your education and help you buy a house or start a business; for us to support various charities; and for your mother and I not to be a burden on you when we are old.” 

回到我的女儿和她提出的有关我净资产的问题上。我的回答是：“我们有足够的钱享有不错的生活方式；我能自主选择想要做什么样的工作；我们能资助你的教育，并帮助你买房或创业；我们能支持各种慈善事业；还能确保在我和你的母亲年老时不会成为你的负担。”

My daughter replied: “I get it, Dad. What you are saying is you’ve opened the door for me but it’s up to me to walk through it, right?” I smiled to myself — that’s the answer I’d expect from someone studying the classics. She continued: “But one day I do want to know what you’re worth.” 

我的女儿回答说：“我明白了爸爸。你是说你为我打开了一扇门，但迈入这道门得靠我自己，对吗？”我由衷笑了——这是我预计会从古典学专业的学生听到的回答。她继续说：“但总有一天我会希望知道你的身价。”

One day she will. I’m just not sure if that will be while I’m alive or when I’m dead! 

总有一天她会知道的。我只是不确定那会是在我生前还是身故之后！