情人节单身狗福利：看那些秀恩爱的如何花式被甩

尽管不想承认，但一年一度的情人节又双叒叕到了。在满屏尽是秀恩爱的时候，小编愿做一股清流，在情人节这一天聊一聊网友的凄惨情事，给各位单身朋友一点安慰。

1. The cruelest catch.
最残忍的抓包

"My ex said he was busy doing stuff with his family, so I went out drinking with my single friends - and saw him in a bar I used to work at with another girl. I went in and bought a pint just to pour it all over him."
“我的前任说他和家人在一起，所以我跟一些单身朋友出去喝酒。结果我在曾经工作的酒吧看到他和别的女孩在一起。我走进去买了一品托的酒，然后全泼在了他身上。”

2. The rose ruse.
玫瑰‘陷阱’

"Received a bunch of roses and a teddy bear in the post on Valentine's Day. No idea who they were from. The next day, my ex messaged me, 'hope you enjoyed the day thinking that someone actually likes you. They were from me'. At least the roses were expensive and pretty."
“情人节那天，有人寄来一束鲜花和一只泰迪熊，我并不知道是谁送的。第二天，前任给我发来短信：‘希望你在情人节觉得还是有人爱你的。礼物是我送的。’起码玫瑰花很贵也很漂亮。”

3. The stopover.
顺路拜访

"My long-distance internet boyfriend of several years surprised me with a visit to my college dorm on February 13. It was the first time we met in person. We spent the day kissing and cuddling until I invited him to spend the night. Then he told me that he was actually just stopping through Illinois on his way to New York, where he was moving to live with his actual girlfriend."
“我交往了几年的异地网恋男友在情人节前一天来到了我的大学宿舍，让我惊喜了一下。这是我们第一次见面。那天我们卿卿我我搂搂抱抱，我邀请他晚上一起过夜。结果他告诉我他实际上要去纽约，顺路来伊利诺伊看下我，而他要去那里和现实中的女友同居。”

4. The Harry Potter horror.
哈利波特恐惧症

"My boyfriend planned for us to take a Harry Potter studio tour in London. The night before, he tells my friend he doesn't think he loves me. The next morning he says he's 'going to get breakfast' before we have to leave for the train and he never comes back. I didn't hear from him for two days and still haven't had a chance to go to the studio."
“我男朋友计划带我去伦敦来个哈利波特博物馆之旅。结果前一天晚上，他告诉我朋友他并不爱我。第二天早上在我们坐火车出发前，他说他去‘吃个早饭’然后就没再回来。之后两天都杳无音讯，而我到现在也没有去过哈利波特博物馆。”

5. The fake out.
伪造的情人节礼物

"As a teen, I never got a valentine, while other girls at school would show off huge cards, teddies and chocolates. One year I had enough and wrote myself a fake card, and took it in.
“少年时期，我从未收到过情人节礼物，而学校里的其他女孩总会拿着一堆卡片、玩具熊和巧克力来炫耀。有一年我实在受够了，于是给自己写了一张假卡片拿到学校。”

But I struggle badly with lying, and in my guilt it all elaborated and elaborated until by 3pm I had been engaged, cheated on, and dumped, and was setting fire to the card on the school pathway shouting "you cheat! You cheat! It's over!!" while I stamped all over it.
撒谎让我十分纠结，我在负罪感中不断编造谎言，直到下午三点我已经经历了“恋爱、背叛、分手”，我在学校的通道上烧掉了卡片，并一边大喊“你这个骗子！你个大骗子！我们玩儿完了！！”，一边跺着那张卡片。

But no one cared anyway and the whole school of 700 students just trundled boredly past except for one withering 'grow up, Jenny'."
但是根本没有人搭理我，全校700多名学生从我身边经过，只有一个人嘲讽了一句‘成熟点吧，珍妮’。”

6. The Nick nod.
告白

"I was casually seeing this guy and we decided to spend Valentine's Day together. We had a really nice evening that ended in us doing the deed.
“我偶然遇到了一个男生，我们决定一起过情人节。那夜我们过得很愉快并最终啪啪啪了。

After, he turned to me and said 'I really fancy someone.' I thought he was being coy and was referring to me, so with a smile on my face I said 'oh yeah? Who?'
后来他对我说‘我真的爱上了一个人。’我以为他是在害羞，而他指的那个人就是我。所以我笑着问道：‘哦，真的吗？是谁？’

He replied with 'his name is Nick.' My name is not Nick."
结果他回答道：‘他叫尼克。’我不叫尼克。”

7. The bar tab abuser.
‘背单’侠

"I was dating a guy on and off and we were 'on again' right before Valentine's Day. We went to a very nice dinner and he paid. Later, we went out for drinks at our favorite bar and I opened a tab. Thirty minutes later, he disappeared and I found him talking to another girl. When I went up to them, he acted like he didn't know me and told me to leave them alone. When I closed my tab, the bill was over $200 even though I only had two drinks. The bartender ended up telling me he had purchased multiple drinks for other girls on my tab. Needless to say, we were never 'on again' after that."
“我当时跟一个男生断断续续约过几次会，情人节前一天我们‘又一次约会’了。他请我吃了非常棒的晚餐。之后，我们去最爱的那家酒吧喝酒，我开了个桌。30分钟后他消失了，我发现他去跟别的女生聊天。当我坐过去时，他假装不认识我，还叫我别打扰他们。我结账时发现账单是200美元，可我才喝了两杯呀。最后酒保告诉我这个男人以我这桌的名义给其他女孩点了很多酒。不用说，那之后我跟他就彻底掰了。”

8. The cupcake thief.
偷蛋糕的贼

"I spent all day baking red velvet cupcakes for my boyfriend. I went over to his place with these cupcakes in my hand, and his family around, and he looks at me and says 'I don't think this is going to work out. ' He took the cupcakes out of my hands, pushed me out the door, and locked it. I was too shocked to even do anything but leave. I ended up going to the movies by myself because I already bought the tickets."
“我花了一整天时间给男朋友做了红丝绒杯子蛋糕。我捧着蛋糕来到他家，他当着家人的面对我说‘我觉得咱俩不合适’。然后他从我手中拿走蛋糕，把我推出去，锁了门。我当时震惊到除了离开不知道还能做什么。最后我独自去电影院看了电影，因为我已经买好电影票（注意是复数）。”

9. The poem problem.
情诗

"When I was in 6th grade I had a HUGE crush on a boy. Valentine's Day rolled around and there was a big dance for the sixth graders. I decided to write him a poem. In front of the entire class, I asked my English teacher to proofread it (she did so in private), and then I asked my friend to give it to him. Apparently he stood up in front of his ENTIRE CLASS, read it out loud, and threw it in the recycling bin. At least he recycled it and didn't throw it away. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯"
“六年级时，我非常爱慕一个男生。情人节又到了，六年级生有一场大型舞会。我决定给他写一首诗。我当着全班的面要求英文老师帮我修改（她私下帮我改了），然后我请朋友帮我给他。据说，他站在他们全班面前，大声地朗读了我的诗，然后将其丢在可回收垃圾桶。至少他丢进了可回收垃圾箱，而没有直接扔了。”

10. The ol' switcheroo.
反转

"My boyfriend said “I love you” for the first time on Valentine's Day while we were having sex. Romantic? Not so much. He prefaced it with I love (insert female best friend's name here). "
“男友第一次说‘我爱你’是在情人节，我们当时正在啪啪啪。很浪漫？可他说的是‘我爱你，XX（我闺蜜的名字）’。”