怎样优雅地让对方闭嘴？

How do you say “shut up” in a respectable way?
如何优雅地说“闭嘴”？

获得32.8k好评的回答@Abhishek Tr：

So you're stuck with some despicable ones and you want to break out of the moment huh ? Let me give you a hand here and bring out my list to make things easy for you. Try at your own risk.
这么说你是被某个卑劣的家伙缠住了，而且你想从聊天中解脱出来？我来帮帮你吧，下面列举的方法能帮你轻松搞定。后果自负。

Boss - Non stop ranting for God knows why.
老板—没完没了地咆哮，老天知道为什么。
 

Me - Sir ! Do you hear that ?
我—老板，你听见了吗？

Boss - Hear what ?
老板—听见什么？
 

Me - The silence.
我—安静。
 

Girlfriend - How can you do this to me ! How can you forget that ? How can you not tell me ? Why, how, who, what, where ?!
女朋友—你怎么能这么对我？你怎么能忘了那件事？你怎么能不告诉我？为什么？怎么回事？是谁？什么？在哪儿？
Me - A good 30 seconds kiss.
我—吻30秒。
That should do.
这招应该管用。
 

Brother - Non stop crap about all his crushes in the universe.
哥哥—说起对宇宙的迷恋就废话连篇。
Me - Fake faint.
我—假装晕倒。
 

Best friend - Talks about some ancient archeological discovery about a broken pot for 40 minutes.
最好的朋友—关于一个坏了的古代罐子的考古发现说了40分钟。
 

Me - Dude, please. My ears are bleeding.
我--大哥，求你了，我耳朵要磨出茧子了。
 

That's respect for him.
这是对他的尊重。
 

Relative - When are you getting married ? Why did you quit that job ? What's your salary ? What will you do next ?
亲戚—你什么结婚？为什么辞掉那份工作？工资多少？接下来什么打算？
 

Me - Oh, Sorry. Were you talking to me ?
我—哦，对不起，你是在跟我说话吗

Professor - Blah blah. Bleh. Bleeheeeeh. Blah. And that's why you failed. Bluh bluuuh. You see…
教授—这个那个什么什么的，这就是你失败的原因，等等等，等等等，你看……

Me - Joins both hands. Sir, can I take a loo break ? Can't hold back anymore.
我—握住对方的双手。老师，我能去趟洗手间吗？憋不住了。

Return after two decades.
过20年再回来。

Neighbor - Talks about politics and gossips on his/her neighbour.
邻居—跟你聊政治和他/她邻居的八卦。

Me - I can smell something burning. Is that your kitchen ?!
我—我闻到有东西糊了，是你家厨房吗？

Vanish before he/she returns.
他/她回来之前就消失。

Random stranger - Shouts at you for no apparent reason.
路人甲—莫名其妙朝你喊。

Me - Act deaf and dumb. Keeps staring at his/her mouth until he/she stops.
我—装聋作哑，盯着对方的嘴看直到他/她闭嘴。

Perfect.
完美。

Parents - Non stop complaining about Quora, mobile phone, laptop, late night rides, long calls and what not.
父母—没完没了地抱怨Quora，手机，笔记本，晚上出去，打电话时间长等等。

Me - Kiss. I'm sorry. I'll not do that again.
我—给他们一个吻。对不起，我再也不那样了。

Who said I wouldn't ? Until next session, bubye.
谁说我再不那样了？以后再说吧，拜。

This is what respect looks like when you're pissed off, but there's nothing you can do about it.
这就是你生气时还要表达尊重的样子，但你还是什么都不能做。