心里的黑暗，我坦然接受你

I started having this strange feeling of loneliness, self-pity, and sadness in my first year in college.
刚进大学的第一年，我开始莫名的感到孤独，自怜和哀伤。
I had no idea what it was,
当时我并不清楚这种情绪是什么
but one thing I knew was that
我唯一知道的是
it all started when my teacher called me out In front of the whole class
当一位任课老师当着全班同学的面让我滚出教室，这种感觉就出现了
for not carrying out the tasks that were assigned to me.
这件事的起因，只是我没有完成一份她交给我的任务。
I was a brilliant student in school,
在学校里，我是一个很聪明的学生
even though I could be nonchalant sometimes,
虽然有的时候我会有些懒散冷漠
which I felt was commonplace amongst kids my age.
但我觉得在我这个年龄的孩子中，这也是很通常的事情
 I never took this to heart
我从没将自己的缺点放在心上
 until she called me out in front of the whole class.
直到这一天，她当着全班同学的面把我赶出了教室
After that experience, I couldn't listen in class;
经历了这样的事情之后，我发现自己在课堂上无法听课
thoughts of that scenario kept playing in my head
关于那一幕的思绪片段在我的脑海里不断重现
and my grades dropped drastically.
我的成绩下降的很厉害
my friends started avoiding me,
我的朋友们开始避开我
thinking I was acting weird.
他们都觉得我举止怪异
 I was.
而我也确实如此
My parents advised me to see a doctor.
父母想让我去看医生
 I started imagining weird things.
我开始看到想象中的奇怪事物
One minute I was overly excited,
前一分钟还兴高采烈
while the next minute I was all moody.
下一分钟又郁郁沉沉
At this point, I had been withdrawn from school;
到这个时候，我已经被学校退学了
they felt I might be a danger to other students.
因为校方认为我可能会对其他学生构成人身威胁
Whenever my parents mentioned treatment,
每当我的父母提到接受治疗
I would retort with "nothing is wrong with me."
我就立刻反驳到，“我什么问题都没有”
Until I reached a breaking point
直到我走到了崩溃的临界点
 and couldn't go on any longer by myself.
依靠我自己，再也无法支撑自己
I needed help.
我需要帮助
 Unfortunately, therapy is costly and definitely out of my budget.
不幸的是，心理治疗的价格非常昂贵，远超我的消费预算
So, I decided to look for alternatives.
于是，我决定寻找其他的解决办法
That was when I stumbled upon online counseling .
就在这个时候，我偶然知道了在线心理咨询的事。
I (hesitantly) applied for a service,
我（十分犹豫的）申请了咨询
and I was assigned to a therapist
我被分配到一个治疗师那里
who started engaging me multiple times a week.
她开始一周数次的和我交谈
I was ultimately diagnosed with "bipolar disorder" as I suspected.
最终我被诊断为“双向障碍”，正如我所意料
"I'll help you manage it."
“我会帮助你恢复健康的”
That was what she said to me.
她是这样对我说的
At first, It was boring and annoying ,
一开始，我觉得治疗过程即无趣又讨厌
but my parents, specifically my mother,
但是我的父母，尤其是我母亲
kept telling me to continue with it, which I did.
一直告诉我要坚持下去，我也照做了
I started noticing significant changes in my behavior.
我发现自己的行为方式有了显著的变化
 I could sleep better, eat well, talk amongst people,
我的睡眠质量和食欲都提高了，还可以跟人群聊天
and do other stuff I couldn't do before.
还可以做之前自己做不到的事情
After a few weeks, I finally felt like myself again,
几个星期之后，我感到曾经的自己终于回来了
due to the help of my online therapist.
这一切，都归功于我的在线咨询师。