BBC Radio 4 2016-02-16

BBC Radio 4 2016-02-16

Good morning. I’m sad to say that my father died last year. He was taken into a hospice in early December, suffering from the final stages of terminal cancer. The last, lucid conversation that we had was about faith. He told me that he’d been visited by the family Pastor and that they had prayed together. My father, who was essentially an atheist, said that he felt cheated. Why? Because his prayer achieved nothing. He had asked to be cured – and God didn’t answer.

This is the toughest question you can pose to a Christian: why doesn’t God help us when we need him most? Jesus himself said on the cross: “My god, why hast thou forsaken me?” I can imagine there are people asking that question right now in Syria – as their towns are bombed and their children killed. Or in South America where the terrible Zika virus is taking its toll. Not only is the question difficult in itself, but one also has to be careful about how one frames the answer. You cannot patronise people facing death. They’re undergoing an experience we can’t even begin to comprehend.

I told my father that I understood his doubts. There’s a great line in a play by Peter Barnes in which a character who believes he is the reincarnation of Jesus explains that he came to this conclusion because whenever he prayed he realised he was talking to himself. My father laughed at that: he had a very black sense of humour.

But, I said, sometimes we think God isn’t talking to us when, in fact, he is. God didn’t cure my father – people fall ill and die and that, sadly, is the cycle of life. But I believe God did send him the pastor to offer words of comfort. He sent him doctors and nurses to help ease the pain. He sent friends to share memories and say goodbye. And God sent him His own son – Jesus. Whatever pain my father experienced, Jesus suffered, too when he was crucified. We Christians also believe that he offers us life after death. In other words, in layman’s terms, he offers us hope. I said to my father: I think that God does answer our prayers, it’s just that we don't always hear because we’re not listening. I suspect that my father didn’t believe in God but I hope that what I said brought him some comfort.

Shortly after that conversation my father slipped into a coma and, a few days later, died. I was with him at two in the morning when he took his last breath. I hope that he heard me praying for him at the end – and that he knew he was never alone.