BBC Radio 4 2016-06-02

BBC Radio 4 2016-06-02

Good morning

One news story this week will have struck fear- and perhaps something a bit less generous - into the hearts of parents everywhere. The killing of a gorilla in Cincinnati zoo, after a three year old boy fell into the enclosure, has led to vocal criticism of the mother and father involved.

The actions of the parents are of course of interest to the police, and we cannot know what the outcome of these investigations will be. What is clear however, is how quickly, in an online age, we are prepared to leap to conclusions. Nearly 500,000 people have signed a petition calling for the parents to be charged with neglect and their home life investigated.

Judgment, though usually on a less dramatic scale, seems to be written into the DNA of parenting. Something about the anxiety inducing responsibility over a million tiny decisions, breeds criticism of others. As a now veteran of toddler groups, I know how this goes. I can't seem to refrain from internally tutting at the dad feeding his three year old crisps and fizzy drinks. Later in the week, when I'm shovelling a ready meal down my daughter because I'm late home from work, and the cupboard is inexplicably devoid of organic quinoa…well, that's different, of course.

Breastfeeding, screen time, diet, discipline, all are areas where parents often feel we are failing…but perhaps not failing quite as badly as that person over there. And that self-righteous glow? It helps us feel a bit better.

This is known to social psychologists as social desirability bias. Basically, we tend to overestimate in ourselves traits that society values. Most people think they are above average drivers, for example, which is clearly statistically impossible.

Christianity doesn't use such a specific term, but when Jesus asks why we fixate on the speck in another's eye while ignoring the plank in our own, this is what he's on about. And he's pretty clear that it's just not on. Judge not, lest you be judged is one of the most famous passages in the bible, and also one of the most difficult to apply.

So before swearing that there is no way I would ever let my child out of my sight long enough to get into danger and cause the death of a beautiful creature, what could I do instead? My faith forces me towards a radically realistic self-assessment. Of course I could have done just that. I am as foolish and fragile and failing as anyone, desperately in need of help and forgiveness. And admitting that, rather than pointing the finger at others, seems like a good place to start.