老友记第七季mp3和剧本下载707:The One With Ross's Book

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The One With Ross’s Book

[Scene: Joey and Rachel's, Joey is eating breakfast as Rachel enters having just woken up.]

Joey: Morning!

Rachel: Hi! Oh, how was your date last night?

Joey: Pretty good.

Rachel: Oh good. (She walks to the closed bathroom door, opens it, and finds a naked woman wrapped in a towel.) Ahhh! My God, sorry! (She closes the door and confronts Joey.)

Joey: Okay, really good. Anyway I gotta go; I’m late for work.

Rachel: What-what?! You’re gonna leave this person with me?!

Joey: Yeah—Hey, don’t worry, she’s a terrific girl. And hey listen, could you do me a favor? When she comes out could you just mention that I’m not looking for a serious relationship; that’d be great.

Rachel: Why?! What?! Are you kidding?!

Joey: Just casually slip it in, y’know lay the groundwork. Tell her uh, I’m a loner—No! An outlaw! Tell her she doesn’t want to get mixed up with the likes of me.

Rachel: Y’know what? That’s a lot to remember, can’t I just tell her you’re a pig?

Joey: Hey, I’m gonna call her later! Honest! Oh come on, Chandler used to do it! He’d even make the girl pancakes! Plus, he’d make extras and leave ‘em for me.

Rachel: Well forget it, I’m not telling that girl anything. That is not my responsibility.

Joey: Fine! (Pause) Now, where’d we land on those pancakes? (She chases him out the door as his date emerges from the bathroom.)

Joey’s Date: Hi!

Rachel: Hi.

Joey’s Date: Sorry about that, but I couldn’t get that lock to work on the door.

Rachel: Yeah, Joey kinda disabled it when I moved in.

Joey’s Date: You must be Rachel, I’m Erin.

Rachel: Hi.

Erin: Hi. I don’t mean this to sound like high school, but did he say anything about me?

Rachel: (pause) Would you like some pancakes?

Opening Credits

[Scene: N.Y.U’s University Library, Ross is entering with Chandler.]

Chandler: …Come on! Why are we here?!

Ross: Okay, okay take a guess.

(An old woman pushes a cart full of books past.)

Chandler: The hot chicks?

Ross: Okay, okay, I was typing names into the library computer earlier, y’know-y’know for fun, and I typed mine in and guess what came up? My doctoral dissertation! It’s here! Yeah, it’s right-it’s right down here! In the biggest library in the university! (They start heading that way, towards a secluded section behind the racks.)

Chandler: Wow that’s actually pretty cool.

Ross: (stopping quickly) Oh umm, there’s also a book here by a woman named Wendy Bagina. (They both laugh, but stop when the hear moaning coming from the next aisle.) What is that?

Chandler: Sounds like two people are really enjoying the Dewey decimal system.

(They go around the last row of bookshelves and find a couple doing what college coeds do in secluded corners of university libraries. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, let’s just say that clothing is undone. Ross gasps and the couple gets up and runs away.)

Female Student: (as they are moving past Ross) I’m so sorry!

Male Student: Sorry!

Chandler: You didn’t bring me here to do that, did you?

[Scene: Monica’s Restaurant Kitchen, Monica is cooking as a waitress enters carrying a plate of food that has been sent back.]

Monica: She sent the chicken back again?!

The Waitress: She says it’s to dry now and she wants to come back here and explain to you exactly how she wants it.

Monica: Well fine! I want to meet this chicken expert! Send the Colonel in!

(The waitress lets her in as Monica is about to throw a lobster into a pot of boiling water (Although, she hasn’t taken off the rubber bands that hold the claws, so she can’t be that good of a chef). Anyway, guess who the Colonel is by the following phrase.)

The Colonel: OH…MY…GAWD!!!! (Yep, it’s Janice.)

Monica: (to the lobster) Lucky bastard! (Throws the lobster in and turns around to face the planet’s most annoying woman, next to Dr. Laura and Kathy Lee Gifford of course. She’s the most annoying female TV character however.) Janice.

Janice: How are you Ms. Hot Shot chef with the big fancy restaurant with the best chicken ever! (Does the laugh.)

Monica: I’m fine.

Janice: (notices Monica’s engagement ring) Ohh! What is that on your finger?! I’m blind!

Monica: Oh… Uh…

Janice: So, who’s the lucky guy?

[Cut to Monica and Chandler’s just afte