双语散文:致命的怀疑 Deadly Suspect

男孩自杀前的最后一页日记上这样写着:“妈妈竟然在我把包送过去之后, 看了看里面的卡, 还数了数里面的钱, 她竟然不相信我!世界上最疼我的人、我最爱的妈妈竟然都不相信我!我真不知道活在这个世界上还有什么意思!”
The last page on the boy’s diary before he committed suicide wrote: “my mum did not trust me when I returned the wallet to her. To my sadness, she examined everything inside the wallet to see whether I had stolen her money! The person who loved me most and who I loved most did not trust me! I really could not figure out any sense of living in this world now!”

我无意再评说男孩的自杀, 我要说的是男孩的自杀带给我们的思考和警示。男孩的母亲一个无意的举动, 竟然在不知不觉间伤害了儿子脆弱的心灵, 让他脆弱的内心世界轰然崩溃! 生活中, 我们有太多无心、无觉的习惯, 但对于深爱着我们或者我们深爱的人来说, 一个看似无心的举动却可能让他们内心爱的世界无声地坍塌。
Here I am not focusing on the tragedy itself but on the lessons we should learn from it. The boy’s mother’s one casual motion had tremendously hurt her son’s frail heart unwittingly, making his inner mental world collapse in a second! Actually in our lives, we have too many unwitting motions that become a great blow to the hearts of those who love us or who we love.

我们常常自觉或者不自觉地怀疑自己、怀疑别人。怀疑自己是缺乏自信的表现, 而怀疑别人很多时候是因为缺少信任, 殊不知这种怀疑常常会导致我们意想不到的恶果。怀疑自己导致我们内心受挫, 总是生活在失败的阴影里;怀疑别人则让我们缺乏安全感, 总是生活在自己假想的危险中。
We often consciously or unconsciously practice a skeptical attitude towards ourselves or others. Self-skepticism is the symptom of lacking confidence while doubting others is due to the lack of trust in them. We would never imagine this sort of skepticism would trigger some astoundingly negative consequences. Doubting ourselves would discourage our inner confidence and torture us in the shadow of failure, while doubting others would make us fell short of security and live in the state of danger presumed by ourselves.