GRE作文 if a means is justifiable
2009-09-12来源:和谐英语
再次深刻感觉到，GRE作文，对于大家的难点其实是逻辑，再给一篇我刚改过的文章，希望你们能有所体会
TOPIC: ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
WORDS: 378 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2009-8-16 23:58:32
Whether a goal deserves attaining depends on whether its worthiness overweigh the price of means taken to achieve it. Means that cost too much or illegal is surely unreasonable. However some spiritual goals, whose value is hard to tell, any means, if only legal, ethical, and out of personal will, is justifiable.
Firstly, some goals are unrealistic （under）current condition or in the short-term. Methods that expect to reach the goal in quick step are unfeasible since they could hardy solve the essential problem and might cause more problems. Consider the goal to minish the poverty gap, which is beneficial to the stability in (of) society. But if the goal is to reach by taxing a large amount of on the affluent groups and transfer it to the proles, the wealthies would consider it unfair and try to elude that tax. The endeavor are(is) likely to be null. Another unjustifiable mean is to lay a lump sum of money to each person, thus the money they owns would reach more average level. However, the sudden inflation caused by that policy would cause raise nominal interest and other economic index, which could cause uNPRedictable fluctuation in economy.
Secondly, the means of one goal might undermine another goal(这个词删掉), in other words, causing opportunity cost. In those cases one must strike a balance on those goals by the trade offs between their revenue and costs.. That is necessary comparison especially in the government decision since the resource it could apply to attaining the goals is mainly from its limited budget. For instance, few would deny that the endeavor to provide health-care for every civilian is worthy in（on） both individual and social level. Whereas what if the means to reach it is to withdraw money from public education and fundamental facilities’ building? The price of that goal is at the sacrificing of other goals, which is unreasonble in a comprehensive advisement.
However, the spiritual goals could hardly be judged by face value. Some efforts, though unreasonable by a profit-and-cost analysis on the individual level, bring significant influnce on society. Consider the handicapped athletes who participate in Paralympic Games. It takes much effort and sacrifice to even a wholesome person to pursue the goal of sports, not alone the handicappeds. Most handicapped athletes who decide to achieve this goal give up many other possibilities in their life such as finding a stable work that calls for less endeavor. Yet through the progress they realized the value of their life and win wide social respect. What is more, their courage and strong will inspires thousands of people with deformity or other difficulties to overcome obstacles in life and pursue they passions. If people are too concerned（这个是中式英语，应该改为concerned too much） about the cost to attain these spiritual goals, some of them are likely to be never achieved since they cost much and brings little at face value.
In sum, whether a method is feasible in attaining a practical goal, one must consider its price-the potencial problem it brings and the opportunity cost, etc. While in pursuing a spiritual goal, if only legal, ethical, and out of personal will, any means is justifiable.
这篇文章你大概从三个方面论述：
1. 有些means 是不合理的和谐英语论坛
2. 有些means的机会成本太大
3. 有些精神层面的goals无法用face value去衡量
我觉得从logic上讲论述的不到位，可以试着在原文的基础上改一些
1. 你说的有些方法是不合理的，比如说，为了解决贫富差距的问题，那么就均富，这样富人觉得不公平，实际上我们可以把这些定性为有违世界的法律和人权，也就是说第一段我的主题可以围绕着：虽然有些目的是worthy的，但是解决办法有违法律和人权，那么是不可行的。
2. 有些means的机会成本太大，这段论述的不错
3. 有些精神层面的，比如残疾运动员，他们追求的是精神的东西，你说这个是无法用face value来衡量的，我觉得这个问题看的不够深入，以一个西方人的观点来看这个问题的话，一个残疾人，找份稳定的工作，还是刻苦训练去搏击奥运，这个并不完全是你说的精神层面的追求，而是说，一旦成功，这个残疾人无论从物质方面还是以后的生活方面都会有极大的利益收入，而且可以说是名利双收，所以这个means是否take的主要的纠结的地方在于：这个means的成功机会有多大，这才是第三段你该去论述的重点，因为西方人，特别是美国人，不会玩虚的，一切向material看齐。采集者退散
总结一下，我重新提炼你三个段落的主题：
1. 是否可行，要看这个means有无违反法律和人权还有道德
2. 是否可行，要看机会成本大小
3. 是否可行，要看成功机会多寡
不知你能否认同，这样的段落更加清晰有力。
TOPIC: ISSUE212 - "If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable."
WORDS: 378 TIME: 00:45:00 DATE: 2009-8-16 23:58:32
Whether a goal deserves attaining depends on whether its worthiness overweigh the price of means taken to achieve it. Means that cost too much or illegal is surely unreasonable. However some spiritual goals, whose value is hard to tell, any means, if only legal, ethical, and out of personal will, is justifiable.
Firstly, some goals are unrealistic （under）current condition or in the short-term. Methods that expect to reach the goal in quick step are unfeasible since they could hardy solve the essential problem and might cause more problems. Consider the goal to minish the poverty gap, which is beneficial to the stability in (of) society. But if the goal is to reach by taxing a large amount of on the affluent groups and transfer it to the proles, the wealthies would consider it unfair and try to elude that tax. The endeavor are(is) likely to be null. Another unjustifiable mean is to lay a lump sum of money to each person, thus the money they owns would reach more average level. However, the sudden inflation caused by that policy would cause raise nominal interest and other economic index, which could cause uNPRedictable fluctuation in economy.
Secondly, the means of one goal might undermine another goal(这个词删掉), in other words, causing opportunity cost. In those cases one must strike a balance on those goals by the trade offs between their revenue and costs.. That is necessary comparison especially in the government decision since the resource it could apply to attaining the goals is mainly from its limited budget. For instance, few would deny that the endeavor to provide health-care for every civilian is worthy in（on） both individual and social level. Whereas what if the means to reach it is to withdraw money from public education and fundamental facilities’ building? The price of that goal is at the sacrificing of other goals, which is unreasonble in a comprehensive advisement.
However, the spiritual goals could hardly be judged by face value. Some efforts, though unreasonable by a profit-and-cost analysis on the individual level, bring significant influnce on society. Consider the handicapped athletes who participate in Paralympic Games. It takes much effort and sacrifice to even a wholesome person to pursue the goal of sports, not alone the handicappeds. Most handicapped athletes who decide to achieve this goal give up many other possibilities in their life such as finding a stable work that calls for less endeavor. Yet through the progress they realized the value of their life and win wide social respect. What is more, their courage and strong will inspires thousands of people with deformity or other difficulties to overcome obstacles in life and pursue they passions. If people are too concerned（这个是中式英语，应该改为concerned too much） about the cost to attain these spiritual goals, some of them are likely to be never achieved since they cost much and brings little at face value.
In sum, whether a method is feasible in attaining a practical goal, one must consider its price-the potencial problem it brings and the opportunity cost, etc. While in pursuing a spiritual goal, if only legal, ethical, and out of personal will, any means is justifiable.
这篇文章你大概从三个方面论述：
1. 有些means 是不合理的和谐英语论坛
2. 有些means的机会成本太大
3. 有些精神层面的goals无法用face value去衡量
我觉得从logic上讲论述的不到位，可以试着在原文的基础上改一些
1. 你说的有些方法是不合理的，比如说，为了解决贫富差距的问题，那么就均富，这样富人觉得不公平，实际上我们可以把这些定性为有违世界的法律和人权，也就是说第一段我的主题可以围绕着：虽然有些目的是worthy的，但是解决办法有违法律和人权，那么是不可行的。
2. 有些means的机会成本太大，这段论述的不错
3. 有些精神层面的，比如残疾运动员，他们追求的是精神的东西，你说这个是无法用face value来衡量的，我觉得这个问题看的不够深入，以一个西方人的观点来看这个问题的话，一个残疾人，找份稳定的工作，还是刻苦训练去搏击奥运，这个并不完全是你说的精神层面的追求，而是说，一旦成功，这个残疾人无论从物质方面还是以后的生活方面都会有极大的利益收入，而且可以说是名利双收，所以这个means是否take的主要的纠结的地方在于：这个means的成功机会有多大，这才是第三段你该去论述的重点，因为西方人，特别是美国人，不会玩虚的，一切向material看齐。采集者退散
总结一下，我重新提炼你三个段落的主题：
1. 是否可行，要看这个means有无违反法律和人权还有道德
2. 是否可行，要看机会成本大小
3. 是否可行，要看成功机会多寡
不知你能否认同，这样的段落更加清晰有力。
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