名师雅思作文精辟修改—教育类

　　题目：
　　In order to improve the qualityof education, high school students should be encouraged to evaluate and criticizetheir teachers, but others think it will result in loss of respect and discipline.
　　学生是否该给老师的讲课打分的问题。思路：打分是有必要的，它可以帮助老师提高教学质量和沟通学生和老师之间的一些问题，但同时，应该给予老师客观，公正的评论，这样才不失老师应得的尊重
　　Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
　　作文：
　　第一段:Educational style are playing increasing/increasingly important roles/role in the contemporary society and (去掉and,加逗号）exerting profoundimpact on modern life. But in the meantime, for（for 变成in order to) enhance education’s quality (改成the quality of education,无生命的名词不能用’s), whether students should be inspired to cull deficiency (用词不准确：assess their teachers` work) or not for the teachers’ part. Different people hold various viewpoints as to the (this) issue. I hold it essential to examine the both side of the issue before presenting my viewpoint.
　　Convincing arguments can be made that students should keep real esteem to teachers at school and not to point out teachers’ deficiency (flaw in teaching). Perhaps the primary fact is that whichever (every) teacher is a giver knowledge person (句子有点让人迷惑，到底想表达什么。是老师是传授知识的人吗？every teacher facilitates the study for students).
　　Another contributing fact is that it is an insulting behaviorthat students to criticize their teachers. But the fundamental cause is that it exists (it has been rooted已经根深蒂固了）in our tradition that there is a compliant relation between students and teachers. Teachers are students’ superiors at all time.
　　If teacher’s reverencedisappears, it brings a lot disadvantage in the classroom.
　　第三段On other the hand, some individuals insist that students should dear (dare) to estimate their teachers. There is much to be said in favor of the benefits that teachers’ drawbacks will be found in students’ estimates. (整句话表达不准确，可以去掉，变成in favor of the benefits by doing so. by doing so及给老师评分这种观点）
　　Then (为什么不加Then这个连词？）Education’s quality will be enhanced through（in this way) this way. It is because students are teachers’ audiences and their suggestions are feedbacks, which are immediateand enable teachers to perfect their instruction.
　　It seems quiet possible that both teachers and students are improving through the equal way（in this process在此过程中） at the same time. People used to think it is a trivial action and not required, but things are different now. In fact, that is an efficientcommunication manner between teachers and students.
　　第四段:Having considered all the agreements above, I would agree that students should respect their teachers. Despite that, the benefits created by students point out teachers’ drawbacks on the instruction far outweighno suggestion.
　　In conclusion, I would assent that students should criticize（用词不当，不失批评，而是衡量evaluate，或give suggestions) their teachers on the obverse side and meanwhilerespect teachers is required.
　　Final score: 5.5
　　对两个观点的阐述有力，用词比较广泛，但有时存在句子意思的模糊和用词不当。