雅思作文就得这么写 换个思维拿高分

　　学生习作：
　　Due to the rapid development of society[MS1] ,improving knoledge about current affairs and new cultures turns to be a vital job for people in recent years. But how can we get necessary information in time? Media gives[MS2] the answer. Then, I will show you three significant ways of media to communicate[MS3] information.
　　Undoubtly[MS4] , reading books is the most efficient and important way around the world . With a long and steady history, books stand [MS5] a unusual role in human life. Romantic and imaginary, we will lose ourselves in the gorgeous words and sentences.[MS6] Not only can we enjoy the beautiful description and mysteriousimagination ,but we can also receive reliable news of society and history. [MS7] Once I read “Harry Potter”, a famous book , full of magic, which attracted me and brought me much western culture and human spirit. However, there is still something we could not obtain from books, such as what happened just now in the world.
　　According to the drawbacks of books, radio comes up for[MS8] improving. No matter what we do and where we are,listening to the radio is really a convenient mode to get information in time[MS9] . Instead of tiring reading, listening is still used for relaxing ,especially after work. For instance, when I finished [MS10] my homework at night, I will turn on the radio for BBC program for a while, just for fun and the news. [MS11]
　　Admittedly, when we hear sufficient affairs via radio, we then want a more direct way to receive message. Thus, a great invention---television [MS12] appears in our life. Through TV, we are easily able to see clearly what happens in the areas which we have not ever been to. Besides, seeing a film ,improving living skills gaining ecomomic knowledge,[MS13] etc, there are so many things we can do via TV . Apparently,[MS14] television changes our life directly, but things are not always perfect. Instead of [MS15] its advantages, it is harmful for our health. Watching to much will bring tiredness in our eyes which comes more serious to the youth.
　　All in all, with the dramatic increasing number of people using media, personnally, I tend to support the view that one should choose the best way to communicate information based on his or her ability and necessity , instead of popularity.
　　Comments
　　1. task response : it is not sufficient , but ok
　　2. coherence and cohesive: there are some erroneous collocations and phrases, but the whole progression is ok.
　　3. lexical resources: pay attention to your details. Not so good
　　4. Grammatical range and accuracy : sentence structure is good, despite some errs.
　　Maybe you will be granted as band 5 score.
　　作文修改细节：
　　[MS1]不建议发展开头，你可以尝试其他的方式，有点像模版。
　　[MS2]Media是复数吧， 单数是 medium
　　[MS3]Communicate 人与人多一些，强调内容最好用 convey 或者 transmit 好些。
　　[MS4]拼写错误 undoubtedly,
　　[MS5]Play...role 为正统搭配词。这个词用这里so so.
　　[MS6]错误语法，缺少谓语动词
　　[MS7]得分句型，很不错
　　[MS8]come up for sth be considered as an applicant or a candidate for sth 作某事的申请人或候选人：She comes up for re-election next year. 在明年的重选中她参加竞选。
　　Show up / turn up 都可以的
　　[MS9]前面用过了，避免重复用promotly / instantly 都可以的
　　[MS10]时态错误，应改为一般现在时
　　[MS11]And前后不是很对称，应改为refreshment
　　[MS12]Here punctuation is used inaccurately.
　　[MS13]这里语法很乱，改为原型，和前面的able to do 平列好些。
　　[MS14]应该为因果关系
　　[MS15]改为 compared to