雅思写作范文分析：学校降低录取标准

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　　In my point of view, (In my opinion / From my point of view) universities should not lower their academic requirements to enroll students who have outstanding athletic potentials. Doing so leads two questions.

　　(但你并未在下文阐明哪两方面问题。故你想说的可能是 There are two ways of looking at the problem.)

　　Firstly, this will lower the overall academic standard of the university. Although sports are one aspect of the university life, the most important aspect is academic activity.(academic activities would always be a college student's top priorities.) Students go to university to learn (pursue) knowledge. If universities lower their standard of academy, the students will not learn enough knowledge for their afterwards work or study. (students, including the athletes, will not be able to acquire knowledge of any depth in a sound environment, thus making it more difficult to them for their future career.)

　　(从结论上看，你是不支持降低要求的，这就需要把本段的意思加强，拓展。)

　　Secondly, (Conversely,) if universities do not lower their standard for these special students (those sport talents), it will bring terrible pressure for (on) them. In my university, a student who had been enrolled for his outstanding basketball skills failed four subjects in one term because he cannot (could not) keep up with the courses. And he (He)commited (committed) suicide at last.

　　(你把逻辑关系弄反了，---大学如不降低要求会怎样，与上段并非是意思上递近的关系，故改成conversely。自杀的例子有些不可信，至少我作为读者是这样认为的。可以编故事，但要和情理。现实中有极端的例子，但在无法过多说明的情况下，还应尽量考虑读者的感受。另外，你似乎在矛盾之中，好象大学降低门槛也对，因为有terrible pressure on them --- 必须有一个明确的观点，mixed feelings don't count in an argument.)

　　In conclusion, universities should not lower their academic requirements. If they want to enroll students with outstanding athletic potentials, they must provide them extra programs to ensure these students can meet the requirements.

　　结尾观点明白，不罗嗦。只是第二段对它的支持不够。

　　Remark: Generally fluent and is able to use idiomatic English in most situations. However, there is a major flaw in presenting argument and making it coherent. The result is lack of conviction on the part of the reader as where the writer stands on the issue.

　　者就作的英文水平来说，得6段应该没有问题。但就此文的论点、论据的效果来说，得5段也是有可能的。