雅思写作范文批改：控制暴力

　　这篇是一位在出生在中国受美国教育的高中生小姑娘改的，每段开头的“first,second......"都给我改成句子型的了，也许是她的习惯，开始的时候我很不喜欢，但我也觉得这样就不是很模式化，我在考试中也就一段段这么的写，放弃了以前常用的习惯。

　　The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the violent crimes in society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this issue?

　　According to a recent survey, violence in films and television contributes a lot to violent crimes in society. In order to decrease the negative influence exerted by those information. It is necessary (I Idontknowlly share the opinion that it is necessary) for the government to restrict the amount of spreading violent information. (I would like to present some reasons as follows.)

　　（First, ）violence in films and on television have (has a) negative influence on young people(’s) growing. The majority of audience is youngsters, who are too young to prevent themselves from being influenced by these violent information. It is harmful to their mental development, because they are just in the most important period of time to build a positive attitude towards life. What’s more(,) is that some of them are likely to be so curious that they will (finally) commit crimes by imitating from (the) violent scenes (scenarios).

　　Another reason is that bloody scenes easily frighten women and children. (Second, women and children are easily frightened by these bloody scenarios.) Some may enjoy the excitement when watching violent films, however, most of women and children (could) hardly find any interest from it but only horror and insecurity. The government should restrict the amount of(spreading) violence from movies on (in) their behalf.

　　The third, but not the last, reason is that (Finally,) it is the responsibility of the government to create a positive atmosphere inour community (the society). (More) healthy information usually leads to a good social environment, where most people can bear virtues instead of violent thoughts. Too much violence spreading would destroy social stability.

　　(In conclusion,) Although there are many other reasons, the general idea is that our government should (had better) take proper measures to control the amount of violence (violent information) in films and television. Otherwise, we will pay a large price for increasing violent crimes in the society.