研究：网恋盲目而不长久

Matches made over the Internet often do not last because people end up choosing unsuitable partners and forming emotional bonds before meeting face-to-face, an Australian university researcher has found.

Women were especially susceptible to finding Mr. Wrong, as they tend to be attracted by witty comments or clever emails, said psychologist Matthew Bambling from the Queensland University of Technology.

"You can never assume things are the way they seem online," Bambling said.

"Just because they can write a clever comment or a witty email, doesn't mean they will be Mr. Right, that's for sure," he said, adding some men use the concept of "netting," sending emails to dozens of women and hoping one might respond.

Bambling said you can find a partner online, but warned those using the Web to find love to be aware of the pitfalls.

"There's definitely a disinhibition affect online," he said, with people more likely to exaggerate their good points while hiding anything negative.

"Few guys for example would say 'look, I'm a middle aged alcoholic who's been married five times, pick me'. They're going to present themselves as a good catch."

He said it was easy for people to quickly invest too much emotionally in an online relationship because they don't see the full picture of the person they are emailing.

Bambling said people can avoid many of the problems by meeting early in the virtual relationship, rather than by getting to know each other only by email.

He suggests couples arrange to meet over coffee after a few emails, which will help people from building up a fantasy image of their match.

"The main thing to remember is to make real life contact as soon as possible if you are interested in someone, because then you will know if a relationship is a possibility," he said.

澳大利亚一所大学的研究人员发现，“网恋”往往不长久。因为网恋的人最终发现自己原来选错了对象，或是还没见面就产生了感情。

昆士兰科技大学的心理学家马修．班布林说，女性尤其容易找错对象，因为她们更容易被对方几句好听的话或几封文字优美的电子邮件所打动。

班布林说：“你永远不能把网络等同于现实。”

“你不能仅凭一两句好听的话或一封幽默风趣的电子邮件断定他就是你理想中的男人，这是一定的”。他还说，一些男士采用“广撒网”的方法，给很多女士发邮件，希望至少能“逮着”一个。

班布林说，你可以在网上找伴，但他警告说，想在网上寻找爱情的人要小心上当受骗。

他说：“网络具有‘去抑制效应’”，人们在网上倾向于夸大自己的优点，掩饰自己的缺点。

“没有人会说，‘我是个结过五次婚的中年酒鬼，考虑考虑我吧。’他们往往会表现得很好。”

班布林说，人们容易很快陷入这种网络情感，因为他们并不完全了解与自己仅有邮件来往的那个人。

班布林说，对于这种虚拟的网络关系，人们可以通过早见面来避免很多问题，而不仅仅是通过发几封邮件来了解对方。

他建议，双方可以在互通几封邮件后一起喝杯咖啡、见见面，这样大家就不会对彼此的关系存有太多幻想。

他说：“一定要记住，如果你对对方有意思，就应该尽早见面接触，这样你才能知道你们有没有继续发展的可能。”