从专八翻译真题看如何翻译

学译：I stayed in the small flat on the hillside, quietly opened the curtain, caught glimpse of the world in the garden, it was so flourishing：my brothers and sisters, male cousins, were coming and going through, everyone looked pleasant.

学译：In the small cottage on the hillside, secretly I opened the curtain to see the prosperity of the big world in the garden. All of them were delighted, including my brothers, my sisters, and my cousins.

参考译文：I, without being noticed, lifted the curtain in my small room, only to spy the bustle of a kaleidoscopic world down in the garden, and my elder sisters, brothers and my cousins, each full of the joys of spring, were shuttling among the guests.

汉语原句的“节数”有了空前的增加：八节。面对如此长的“竹竿句”，学译显得有点“技穷”，无奈之下，以上两句学译便依样画葫芦，照汉语原文的感觉走，见一句就译一句，不考虑“节”间关系，不分析时间先后和逻辑内涵。第二句学译甚至没有弄清“自己的哥姐，堂表弟兄”和“个个喜气洋洋”之间的关系，不明白“个个喜气洋洋”指的就是“自己的哥姐，堂表弟兄”，而错把All of them were delighted当作“主干”，而把my brothers, my sisters，and my cousins 用including 作为其中包含的成员处理。

复观参考译文，发现译者在落下译笔之前，对原句的逻辑梳理非常到位，因此确定主干也极为果断。“悄悄掀起窗帘”、“也穿插其间”分别作了“主干”，英译就站稳了脚跟。特别值得一提的是，译者在第一个“主干” （lifted the curtain in my small room）之后，用了一个动词不定式短语，表示结果，在这个动词不定式短语前添加了一个副词only，译文顿时生色！这说明，除了经过逻辑分析确定“主干”之外，能活用所掌握的词汇，也极为重要。我们初学英语之时，就已经学到：only to是一个很有感情色彩的表达，其含义是：不料竟会……；没想到会……。

5. 一霎时，一阵被人摒弃，为世所遗的悲愤兜上心头，禁不住痛哭起来。

学译：It was so quick that I felt being deserted by people and by the whole world, bursting into tears.

学译：I couldn‘t help crying bitter, with a feeing of being abandoned by others flooded in my heart at that moment.

参考译文：Quickly enough, I was thrown into a fist of sorrowful anger at being forgotten and discarded by the rest and could not help crying my heart out.

汉语原句的“节数”有四节。若对句中的最后两节略作分析，不难发现 “悲愤兜上心头” 和 “禁不住痛哭起来” 之间是一种先后关系，也略带因果关系，但总的来说，两个短语所占分量大致相同所以处理时，以使用并列句为好，没有必要强调主次。学译分别把 “悲愤兜上心头” 和 “禁不住痛哭起来” 作为主语，另一个短句作为修饰成分，但读起来感觉分句不是太简略就是太冗长。而参考译文的并列处理则摆平了这两个短句，读起来通顺流畅。
所以，在选定“主干”时，也应当避免形而上学的思维，选择主句的同时，还要深入分析以下句间真正的关系所在，在并列或先后关系的句子中，也不能强行设立一个“主干”，而弄巧成拙。