零距离学美语口语[家庭]Lesson 5:You can’t change a child’s behavior by using force

Five    You can’t change a child’s behavior by using force!
你不能用武力改变一个小孩的行为！

1   Introduction 
In America, children are well protected by law.  If parents beat or kick their kids and the police know that, the bruises on the kids can cause the parents to be put in jail.  Or sometimes the children will be separated from being with their parents and put in a social service, if the parents maltreat them.  Sometimes the parents are punished, even when they have not harmed a child, but the authorities believe the parents have done wrong.
在美国，孩子是受到法律严格保护的。如果父母亲打伤或踢伤小孩，警察知道后，小孩身上的伤痕就可以使父母亲被关进监狱。如果父母亲虐待他们的小孩的话，或者有时候小孩不能再和父母亲生活在一起，而被送往社会服务机构。有时候即使父母亲没有伤害小孩，但是官方认为有罪的话，父母亲还是得受到惩罚。

2   Sample Sentences
1.  Have you ever asked your relatives, friends, neighbors, and colleagues at work about what kind of childcare do they use?
    你有没有问过你的亲戚朋友、邻居以及上班的同事，他们是怎么管教小孩的？
2. Does the kindergarten plan activities every day?
幼儿园每天都计划有活动吗？
3. Are the children you see absorbed in what they are doing?
你看见的小孩有没有全神贯注在做他们的事？
4. In general, the more adults there are, the more likely it is that your child will receive individual attention and adequate supervision at all times.
一般来说，那儿成年人越多，你的小孩就更有可能时常被人照看到，被管理得更周全。
5. I know you want to have the feeling of security.
我知道你想有种安全感。
6. Regarding our son’s behavior, I suggest that he be treated with patience, affection, and respect.
关于我们儿子的行为，我建议你耐心照看他、爱他并且尊重他。
7. Doug and Beth often threaten very quickly to punish their son if he behaves differently from their expectations. 
  道格和贝斯经常很快就威胁惩罚他们的儿子，如果他不听他们的话。
8. I think you already realize that punishment does not always produce good children, and many times harshness produces maladjusted children.
  我想你已经意识到了惩罚并不总是培养出好孩子，很多时候严厉导致小孩失调。
9. I assure you that the way to teach our boy to be a good person is for the adults around him to see the good in him.
  我敢保证教育我们儿子做个好人的方法就是在他身边的大人看到他好的方面。
10. Children learn to be happy by learning how to think.
   小孩子要想学会做一个快乐的人就是要学会怎么思考。

3  Conversations
1. A Chinese wife is talking to her American husband about their young son’s bad behaviors on the phone.
A:  I don’t want you to be worried, but our son has some bad habits now.  He says painful words everyday.
B:  What words?  Can you tell me?
A:  He says “kick mommy, beat mommy, don’t want mommy” very quickly if I do something that he doesn’t like.  You know, if I wash his face or change his clothes, things like that.
B:  Honey, I don’t know what to tell you.  Of course Tony is a young child.  But do not underestimate1 his ability to learn and reason.
A:  Yes, but sometimes he is just not reasonable. 
B:  I suggest you treat him with patience, affection2, and respect. If he needs to do something, like go to bed, or be washed, etc., please "guide or help" him to get it done, but lead him with gentleness.
A:  It’s easy to say, but I will try.
B:  Motivate3 Tony to cooperate4 by rewarding5 his good behavior.  Do not emphasize punishment for bad moods, etc.  Do not threaten6 him with punishment if he resists7 the actions you desire.
A:  I know my parents sometimes threaten to punish him.  But this doesn’t work; instead he picks up another bad habit.
 【译文】  
——我不想让你担心，但是我们的儿子现在有些坏习惯了。他每天都说些伤人的话。
——什么话？你能告诉我吗？
——如果我做什么事他不喜欢，他很快就说“踢妈妈、打妈妈，不要妈妈”。你知道的，像跟他洗脸或者换衣服之类的事。
——亲爱的，我不知道该怎么跟你说。当然托尼还是个小孩子。但不要小看他学习、讲道理的能力。
——是啊，但是有时候他就是很不讲理。
——我建议你多点耐心，爱他，尊重他。如果他需要上床睡觉、或者被清洗之类的，请指引或者帮助他完成，但是一定要温柔。
——说来很容易，但是我还是会尽量去做。
——要和托尼合作好，你就要奖励他给他积极性。不要因为坏脾气就强调要惩罚他。不要因为他不按照你的做就威胁要惩罚他。
——我知道我的父母有时候就威胁要惩罚他。但是这不但不管用，反而他又学多了一个坏习惯。

2.   Talking about punishment for young kids.
Chinese:  Paul, you were also a parent of young kids before. So, can you tell me what you did when your kids didn’t behave very well?
American:  I know Mark is your only child.  You may do it differently from what I did.  Sometimes I would tap8 their hands when they made troubles.
Chinese:  I do it, too.  You know, sometimes when we eat, my child would pull a dish towards him and grab9 it with his hands and eat.  And if it were something he doesn’t like, he would spit it out and throw it into other dishes.  He does it very often.  I really get mad.  I can’t help spank10 him sometimes.
American:  And what does your husband do?
Chinese:  My husband is an American.  He criticizes me when I do that.  He says that I can’t change a child’s behavior by using force.  He is learning what I am doing now. 
American:  But spoiling11 a child is not going to do him good either！ You’ve got to have patience with him and teach him.  It’s not easy, I know.  It’s hard.
Chinese:  Yeah.  I’m still learning how to control his behavior and my temper.   My child is almost two years old, and I’ve learnt the “distraction” 12 technique when he cries for something.

Additional Information:
 Actually parents shouldn’t punish their children too harshly.  It depends on what kind of thing the child has done.  Besides, the child might break something by accident or he didn’t mean it.  We should always give the child a chance to see his own mistakes. 
实际上父母亲不应该过分惩罚他们的孩子。要看他们做错了什么事。而且小孩有可能是无意中摔坏了某东西，不是存心的。我们应该永远给孩子一个机会让他看清自己的错误。

【译文】
——鲍尔，你以前也是孩子的父亲。那么，你能告诉我你的小孩捣乱时你是怎么做的吗？
——我知道马克是你唯一的小孩。你可能和我当初做的不一样。当他们惹祸时，有时候我会轻拍他们的手。
——我也这么做。你知道，有时候我们吃饭，我的小孩会把菜拖到他的面前，用手抓着来吃。而且如果是他不喜欢吃的，他就会吐出来，扔到其他菜里。他经常这样做。我很气愤。有时候我忍不住打他的屁股。
——那你丈夫怎么办？
——我丈夫是个美国人。他批评我那样做。他说我不能用武力改变一个小孩的行为。他会学我现在所做的。
——但是溺爱小孩也不会对他有什么帮助！你得耐心教他。我知道这并不容易。很难。
——是啊。我还在学习怎么控制他的行为和我的脾气。我的小孩快两岁了，当他哭着要某样东西时，我学会了分散他的注意力。

4  Words and Expressions
1. underestimate  低估; 对...估计不足 
2. affection  情爱, 钟爱
3. motivate  给...动机; 刺激
4. cooperate  合作, 协作 
5. reward  奖赏, 报偿
6. threaten  威胁, 恐吓
7. resist  抵抗, 反抗
8. tap 轻拍
9. grab 抓取, 霸占
10. spank  (用手掌)打...的屁股
11. spoil 宠坏, 溺爱
12. distraction  分心, 注意力分散