SAT考试写作满分范文鉴赏(6)

　　SAT写作满分范文系列(6) Essay题目选自The Official SAT study Guide Avail Practice Test 6

　　Prompt

　　Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below.

　　There is, of course, no legitimate branch of science that enables us to predict the future accurately. Yet the degree of change in the world is so overwhelming and so promising that the future, I believe, is far brighter than anyone has contemplated since the end of the Second World War.

　　Adapted from Allan E.Goodman, A Brief History of the Future: The United States in a Changing World Order.

　　Assignment

　　Is the world changing for the better? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your readings, studies, experience, and observations.

　　Sample Essay - Score of 6 SAT写作6分范文

　　Reactions to World Wars one and two in expressed by the artistic community and historically do not support the idea that the world is changing for the better. One example of the negative effects of World War two psychologically may be taken from Leslie Marmon Silko’s novel Ceremony. The novel’s protagonist, Tayo, a young native american veteran living on a reservation, returns from his war experience severely mentally damaged, referring to himself at one point as “white smoke”. The novel expresses several times that Tayo is only one case of many damaged young native americans who return from this war. Elders of the Laguna native american tribe express distress at the fact that they will not be able to heal their returning World War two warriors with traditional war healing ceremonies, and Tayo believes this is because warfare has changed dramatically.

　　The tribe, losing many members to the war physically and psychologically, suffers weakening blows. It is clear that the difference between old warfare in which warriors could face their enemies and new warfare in which soldiers shoot blindly across distances is great. The destruction of modern warfare witnessed by the new veterans was devastating in a ruinous way as it never had been. The resulting threat of the disintegration of the tribe as old healing techniques fail weakens the tribe in ways it had never been weakened before.

　　A similar mental disintegration, tied in with a lack of optimism was seen a great deal following World War one. Before the war, old Enlightenment ideas of rational thought, progress, and the goodness of mankind abounded. The incredible and uNPRecidented distruction seen in World War one, however, combined with the psychological effect of the use of the newest mass-destruction and chemical weapons proved to quash the pre-war sentiment of optimism and post-Enlightenment zeal. New weapons such as mustard gas and machine guns could kill thousands in unspeakably brutal ways, and the casualties of the war, greater than any in history, showed the weapons to be very effective. The loss of human life in hundreds of thousands, combined with the destruction of European land at the end of World War one proved to crush the morale of the European populace and to discourage optimism with regard to scientific progress; scientific progress had only served to cause destruction and horror in war.

　　The negative psychological repercussions of World War one and two served to give people, particulary Europeans, a less optimistic view of the world and of mankind. The change in weaponry and style of warfare, visible in the example of Silko’s Ceremony, contribute to the the idea that the world was not changing for the better; the new warriors of Ceremony could not be healed, and the optimistic, naive vision of pre-world war two Europe could not be restored. If man could cause such immense physical and psychological destruction with the products of scientific change, the world could not have changed for the better.

　　Score Explanation SAT写作6分范文点评

　　This outstanding essay insightfully and effectively develops the point of view that “If man could cause such immense physical and psychological destruction with the products of scientific change, the world could not have changed for the better.” The writer demonstrates outstanding critical thinking by focusing on clearly appropriate evidence from literature and history to support this position. The essay begins by describing Leslie Marmon Silko's Ceremony as a novel in which the "protagonist, Tayo, a young native american veteran," becomes representative of the "many damaged young native americans" who returned from World War II. Traumatized by the "new warfare in which soldiers shoot blindly across distances," these former soldiers pose a threat of "disintegration of the tribe as old healing techniques fail." Next, the response discusses "A similar mental disintegration, tied in with a lack of optimism" in Europe following World War I, as "old Enlightenment ideas of rational thought, progress, and the goodness of mankind" were challenged by "New weapons such as mustard gas and machine guns" that "could kill thousands in unspeakably brutal ways" and therefore "crush the morale of the European populace and …discourage optimism with regard to scientific progress." This well-organized and clearly focused essay demonstrates coherence and progression of ideas. Several capitalization errors are offset by the essay's consistently skillful use of language and meaningful variety in sentence structure ("The change in weaponry and style of warfare, visible in the example of Silko's Ceremony, contribute to the the idea that the world was not changing for the better; the new warriors of Ceremony could not be healed, and the optimistic, naive vision of pre-world war two Europe could not be restored"). This, this essay demonstrates clear and consistent mastery and is scored 6.