Why Do We Settle? You Have the POWER to Change the Outcome

Why do we settle for less and then make excuses for everyone? Perhaps it is a way to avoid confrontation, or it could be that we simply don't have time, or choose not to deal with poor Customer Service and the boss who promised a raise that never quite made its way to our paycheck. Those are some of the possibilities, but there is another option- we settle, or make excuses, for others because we have given away our power to the other person involved in the equation. This stuff makes me just a little nutty, so I thought I'd share a couple of stories with you and the offer my thoughts on how we can take back, or own our power- if you choose.

Both of these stories involve members of my family, but in the interest of protecting their identity, I am using fake "nicknames"- even though I am very tempted to expose them, but I think they are already suffering enough. Recently, I was having a conversation with a family member who lives on the West Coast, and she was telling me how one of the bedrooms in her condo had suffered water damage a few weeks ago. (You may recall that certain states out West, California for example- hint, hint, received more rain than normal this year).

This water damage was making for some unhealthy breathing conditions in their Home (can you say mold spores?), and the person who inhabited the once flooded bedroom had effectively moved out and was staying with friends until the damage to the room was repaired. Now, and this is the good part, I say to my family member on the West Coast, why have the necessary repairs not taken place yet? And she calmly explains to me that she has been back and forth with the condo association and the contractor, blah, blah, blah and "you just don't understand. These people out here are very laid back. They are not in a big hurry to do anything, and if you get upset with them, they are hurt by it and ask you why you are yelling at them". "Let them ask!" I yell. My blood pressure has gone up significantly while on the phone with this family member and I just cannot believe what I am hearing about the complete lack of action to this flooding problem. (I am also worried about the fact that West Coast, and friends, are living in a condo suffering from severe allergy-type ailments, caused by the mold spores, which was caused by the dampness emanating from the flooded bedroom, etc.). I make several recommendations on how to resolve this issue, for the interim- or longer, should these laid back people choose to never show up to make the repairs, and then I hang up and head for the shower, shaking my head along the way.

Like most times in my life, once I am in the shower with no distractions other than which shampoo to use, I begin to process things. This time I am focused on the phone conversation I've just had when suddenly I have an epiphany; you know, that "ah ha" moment that makes everything crystallize in front of you. So, while I am having this moment of clarity, I recall another conversation I had just two-days prior, with another family member, about his work situation. This person works for a relative of his and this person is not much of a go-getter, so work is slow and this puts my family member in a stressful financial situation. I asked the family member sitting at my kitchen table a few perfunctory questions as a means in which to offer alternatives and perhaps a few suggestions, but each question or recommendation was met with a combination of, "yep, tried that" and then a big sigh of resignation, the "making excuses and settling" type of sigh. I got up from the table feeling really dragged down by what this person was going through- call it the pain of empathy. Now these two discussions have converged in my mind and I begin mentally blurting out questions like, "why are they settling?", and "why are they making excuses for these other people?" The answer is this; they are doing this because they have chosen to take a very passive role in these aspects of their lives. Instead of exerting their own personal power, and working to turn these situations around, they have abdicated their personal power and will to the very people for whom they are making excuses.

Eureka! Is this not exactly what those people want? They are not expected to be accountable and as such, they are not going to act responsibly, and "West Coast" and "Kitchen Table" are most certainly not going to hold them accountable because they have alrea