Communication Expert Reveals 5 Keys To Self Expression Without Limits

Peter Murphy recently interviewed communication expert John Barker. John is a professional coach and author with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Communication Arts and sciences. He even served in the White House where he worked with the White House Communications Agency.

They discussed communication and uncovered some valuable insights that people can immediately apply to make measurable improvements in their lives.

PETER:

1 Nowadays more and more people are learning how to let go of limiting feelings to improve the quality of their lives. When it comes to communicating effectively with other people what are themain barriers to effective and purposeful communication, and how can we let go of these limitations?

JOHN:

The barriers vary from person to person, however, the most commonone I encounter in working with people is the desire to change others to fit our expectations. There are many paths to the samedestination; if we release our desires we open up an infinite number of possibilities. So long as we agree on the destination we want - the feeling we want - "the how" doesn't matter.

Any time we feel we want to change someone or something, this isa time when we can recognize and release our desire for control.

The other part of this, is that very often we are re-living pastconversations. If we have had a conflict with someone in the past; if we hold onto that feeling we bring it to the new conversation. We brace our self for dealing with the inevitableconfrontation and we don't really hear what is being said in themoment. This is why it is so important and valuable to be ableto release things as they come up.

PETER:

2 Very often in life we know what to say and yet get tongue tiedand fail to follow through when the pressure is on. What is the answer to this common challenge?

JOHN:

We become tongue-tied or freeze up due to our attachment to theoutcome. There IS no pressure, only attachment to feelings and outcomes. By releasing on our attachment to the outcome and welcoming the experience as it occurs, we free ourselves to experience the moment effortlessly. This experience allows us toperform at our best.

And, if a person does feel anxiety, stress or self-consciousnessin a situation like this, trying to make the feeling go away onlymakes it stronger. I often use the analogy of a big brother picking on a younger sibling. Why does he do this? To get a reaction. The bigger and better the reaction, the more we encourage it. But if we welcome what is going on, he gives up.It is not as much fun as getting the reaction! And, he goes away.

The same is true of the feelings we want to go away. If we welcome them and allow them to be, it is amazing how quickly thatfeeling will dissolve and be replaced with a feeling of peace andcalm. And, sometimes we can even smile or laugh at ourselves about it because it is such a relief to just allow ourselves to be how we are.

PETER:

3 Dealing with difficult people can really stretch our patienceand verbal flexibility. What are your top tips for handling thesesituations?

JOHN:

Release! Release! Release!

It is important to remain aware of, and release, our desire for security, approval and control as these feelings arise in our consciousness. It can also be important to recognize the other person's need for security, approval and control as well. Understanding allows compassion.

I know I've wasted a lot of energy in my life trying to change other people! It's an impossible job, really. And, it is amazing how often, when we stop resisting how people are, they just magically seem to make those changes we wanted in the first place.

PETER:

4 In the mad rush to get ahead very often the most important people in our lives dont always get our full attention. How can we make sure we really listen and value the little time we do have with family and friends?

JOHN:

This is a real key question for many of us. I think many of us focus on allowing new things into our life; more money, more romance, more fun, more friends. But I think it's equally important for us to recognize what we allow into our life that prevents us from having the time we desire for the people we value most.

Ultimately, each of us must look at our motivations fo