Thanks For The Rejection!

It sounds a little masochistic, but I actually appreciate being rejected. No, I don't needlessly relish the sting of reproach, or eagerly welcome scornful criticism, per se. But, as a writer, a salesperson, and an entrepreneur, I have come to appreciate that there is a strong correlation between the frequency of rejections that I withstand and the amount of success I generate, especially in my career.

Every professional writer can wallpaper a mansion with rejection slips. In fact, I read somewhere that the famous novel, The Yearling, was submitted under a different title as an experiment, and it was rejected by scores of publishers AFTER it had won incredible acclaim. Curiously, the original publisher rejected the work, too.

salespeople are taught that there is a math-of-success. They have to withstand a certain number of no's before they can earn a yes. And few entrepreneurs succeed after trying only one venture. Typically, it takes several attempts and even when one initiative prevails, its lifespan is limited.

As I write this article, in fact, I'm probably not experiencing ENOUGH rejection. If I want to get more done, to appreciate the thrills of more achievements, I need to put myself on the line, more and more. I have to ASK for what I want and need, and of course when I do so, I'll be giving people the power to say NO. Let me ask you this:

What could you achieve in life if you decided to become totally and blissfully impervious to hostile criticism and to rejection? What careers or hobbies would you pursue that you're just too emotionally brittle to engage in, now?

For instance, a friend of mine is a professional actor. He is among the 10% of thespians who actually finds a considerable amount of work in the field. In fact, just this year he appeared in four motion pictures, and a few were highly publicized, and did fairly well at the box office.

But he has to constantly trawl for work and he is a tireless self-promoter. He even asked me if I could send a note to visitors to my web site that would tout the brilliance of his most recent film! Though he hopes that one of his roles will become a breakout success and will attract even more roles, he doesn't assume this will occur.

On the contrary, he hustles day in and day out, answering every casting call, and networking like crazy to hear about roles that he might play. He behaves like a kid who is struggling to get into the Business, and he's grateful for every break he gets.

He speculates that most people don't make a living in the acting field because they become worn down by rejections. They stop believing in their skills, and as a result, they try less and less. And by trying less, they succeed less.

If they would just work the numbers, and eagerly go for every opportunity, they'd work more, polish their skills, and they'd stay busy doing what they love. Success would then become inevitable. I've been giving considerable thought to the fear of rejection, and here's one of my conclusions about it:

It isn't the rejection that is intrinsically disturbing. It's the interpretation we make about it that drives us nuts and prevents us from realizing our potential.

What do we tell ourselves? In essence, we draw the wrong inferences and make inappropriate generalizations from these experiences.

For one thing, we tell ourselves that the rejections will be pervasive. If X rejected us, so will Y and Z.

Another tendency is to believe that today's rejection will be permanent. If X said no yesterday, he'll definitely say no today and tomorrow.

Finally, we tell ourselves that rejection is personal. It's about us, as individuals, and it reveals fundamental flaws about our character, our skills, or our attractiveness.

When you read these things, they instantly seem foolish, don't they?

For instance, on what authority, we have to ask ourselves, do we KNOW that if X rejected us, Y & Z will follow suit? We fear that will be the case, and we may suspect it will be so. But by no me