大学英语四级写作范文和名师点评(五)
2008-10-24来源:和谐英语
例4.(11分段)
As is shown by the bar chart, we can see that great changes have been taken place in a big city in China during the year from 1990 to 2000. The number of stated-owned houses is on the decline, while the private houses are(is) on the rise.
To get the sourse(source) of this changes, it is nature for us to come up with the following reasons. In the first place, owning to the advance in people’s living standard ,people are better off today, and they have more money to buy a house .In the second place , with the development of society and economy, some achievements have been maken(made) in housing construction. Last but not least, thanks to the increasing consciousness of confortable(comfortable) life, people are in favor of buying a house. All this results in the boom of private housing.
Benefits of this(these) changes are obvious. It is advantage to both people and society. For one thing, with house, people can enjoy their confortable(comfortable) life. For another, this(these) changes can stimulate our nation’s economic development.
点评：(1)切题。
(2)表达思想清楚，语句通顺。
(3)但有少量语言错误。
例5.(14分段)
It can be obviously seen from the chart above that our modern society has experienced a great change, and in the last decade, from 1990 to 2000, more and more people prefer private houses to state-owned ones.
There are a lot of reasons for it. First of all, state-owned houses lack the individualized characteristics, which are highly advocated in the modern society today. In addition, The declining prices of the private houses, with the skyrocketing income of people in recent years, contribute to the increase of purchases of private houses because, after all, economy is the most basic factor each family or individual can decide on. At last, the purchases of private houses can entitle consumers to a more flexible selection in terms of location, house type and even the relevant service than that of its state-owned counterpart.
This phenomenon, in my opinion, has not only upgraded the quality and standard of life of people , but also improved the value of consumption of our modern society. And it is more significant that the phenomenon has formed a social atmosphere in our life in which everyone strives harder and harder for the sake of his life and future.
点评：(1)切题。
(2)表达思想清楚，论证比较有力。
(3)文字通顺，连贯性好，但有少量语言错误。
As is shown by the bar chart, we can see that great changes have been taken place in a big city in China during the year from 1990 to 2000. The number of stated-owned houses is on the decline, while the private houses are(is) on the rise.
To get the sourse(source) of this changes, it is nature for us to come up with the following reasons. In the first place, owning to the advance in people’s living standard ,people are better off today, and they have more money to buy a house .In the second place , with the development of society and economy, some achievements have been maken(made) in housing construction. Last but not least, thanks to the increasing consciousness of confortable(comfortable) life, people are in favor of buying a house. All this results in the boom of private housing.
Benefits of this(these) changes are obvious. It is advantage to both people and society. For one thing, with house, people can enjoy their confortable(comfortable) life. For another, this(these) changes can stimulate our nation’s economic development.
点评：(1)切题。
(2)表达思想清楚，语句通顺。
(3)但有少量语言错误。
例5.(14分段)
It can be obviously seen from the chart above that our modern society has experienced a great change, and in the last decade, from 1990 to 2000, more and more people prefer private houses to state-owned ones.
There are a lot of reasons for it. First of all, state-owned houses lack the individualized characteristics, which are highly advocated in the modern society today. In addition, The declining prices of the private houses, with the skyrocketing income of people in recent years, contribute to the increase of purchases of private houses because, after all, economy is the most basic factor each family or individual can decide on. At last, the purchases of private houses can entitle consumers to a more flexible selection in terms of location, house type and even the relevant service than that of its state-owned counterpart.
This phenomenon, in my opinion, has not only upgraded the quality and standard of life of people , but also improved the value of consumption of our modern society. And it is more significant that the phenomenon has formed a social atmosphere in our life in which everyone strives harder and harder for the sake of his life and future.
点评：(1)切题。
(2)表达思想清楚，论证比较有力。
(3)文字通顺，连贯性好，但有少量语言错误。
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