大学英语四级写作范文和名师点评(四)

　　2003年6月考试六级作文题：Changes of Ownership of Houses in China
　　图表作文，图表内容是1990，1995，2000的公房和私房变化柱状表，趋势是公房越来越少，私房越来越多。
　　提纲：1.简单描述一下图表内容
　　2.变化原因
　　3.这个变化对个人和社会的影响
　　例1. (2分段)
　　此分段标准为条理不清，思路紊乱，大部分句子均有严重错误。
　　为了不影响市容，给大家造成负面影响，故此处略去100字……
　　例2.(5分段)
　　It is descerned that(删掉)the number of pirate(private) houses had been on a(an) increase from 1990 to 2000.In 1990, it was about 20 percent; In 1995 it was 40 percent; In 2000, it was 80 percent.
　　There were some reasons for this fact. One of them was the improvement of people’s living conditions(condition), all people wanted to own pirate houses.
　　On the other hand, people’s income was on a(an) increase, they could afford to buy pirate houses!
　　Obviously, there were some good things resulted from this fact. Such as it could improve Chinese economy. But there were also some bad things, such as it took much time to go to work!
　　点评：(1)本文基本切题。
　　(2)字数不够，要酌情扣分。
　　(2)第一段描述图表不应该单列举出数字，而是应该重点描写变化趋势 ;第二段说明理由不够充分;第三段说明影响有点牵强。
　　(4)全文语言错误较多。
　　例3.(8分段)
　　From the graph it is clear that the percentage of the state owned house in china in a city has decreased greatly from 75% in 1990 to 20% in 2000, while the private house has increased sharply. what has caused these changes?
　　There are, I think, at least two main reasons for these changes. to begin with, with the development of the technology and science, people"s living standard has improved greatly and they can afford to buy high-graded things such as TV, computer and even house. Secondly it is due to the mind people hold and the ecomonic policy. As is known to all, the price of house is often very high, and people must (used to) save their money (for) many years, (however,)as their minds changed, they went to the bank to borrow money and the ecomonic policy also encouraged them to do so. There may be some other reasons, but the above mentiond are commonly acceptable.
　　To conclude, the ownership of houses reflect the development of our country and people are enjoying a better life, I am firmly sure that the productivity of the society will keep improving and people will enjoy a more affluent life in the near future.
　　点评：(1)本文基本切题，语句基本通顺
　　(2)第一段描述图表太简单，第二段有些地方表达思想不够清楚，第三段太简单。
　　(3)不少语言错误。