大学英语四级写作范文和名师点评(二)

　　例5.(14分段)
　　It can be discerned that the American students prefer to read the popular novel rather than other kind of books, such as the nonpopular (unpopular) novel, the books of technology, poem and so on. The percentage of the popular novel current(currently) is about 68.2%. Other kind of novels' current(currently) is, reletively (relatively), about 16.8%, 8.3%, and 5.2%.
　　It is not hard to think out why the popular novels can attract so many students. The popular novel is interesting, and not so abstract as books that full of the mathmatic formulate(mathematic formulae). However, as university students, study is the first task for us to do. So we should pay more attention to the books about our major. Fictions may color our life, but it can not be the key part of our studying life.
　　Personally, I would like to spend my free time in reading books about my major, such as technology digests, computer newspaper... Because I want do to(删掉) a good job in my subjects. Fortunately, my dreams come true, meanwhile, I 've gained other things--I found(have founded) a solid basic knowledge about my major(加破折号)make me feel easy to contrive the electronic circuit which have to be done during our bachelor years. Thanks to those books!
　　点评：(1)切题。
　　(2)论证比较有力，表达思想清楚。
　　(3)文字通顺，连贯性较好，但有个别语言错误。
　　注： 文中划线部分为原文的一些明显语言错误，括号里的为修改建议，为保持原文面貌，对于结构没有做过多改动。
　　2003年6月考试四级作文题：An Eye-Witness Account of a Traffic Accident
　　假设你在某日某时某地目击一起车祸，就此写一份见证书。
　　见证书须包括以下几点：
　　1、车祸发生的时间及地点;
　　2、你所见到的车祸情况;
　　3、你对车祸原因的分析。
　　例1. (2分段)
　　At 9:00, Jan. 20, 2003, I eye-witness a traffic accident in Dongfang Street.
　　I see that a(an) old people is hitted (hit)by a car.
　　In my opinion, the rapid driver is the main reason, but the old people also has his error.
　　点评：(1)字数明显不够，尽管都点题了，但只有三句话。
　　(2)有语法错误。
　　例2.(5分段)
　　In my opinion, the driver of Benz auto should be blamed on(for) the traffic accident. It was his drunk driving that resulted in this accident.
　　It is not(no) doubt that the traffic accident is a high(hot) topic in the modern(modern) society, different people have different attitude (attitudes) to this.
　　When it come(comes) to the accident, people think it responsible for the driver. But last Sunday I see(saw) a(an) accident. A woman crossed a street when a car turn(turned at) the crossing .it is too late to stop the car ,The women was bad(badly) hurt. The people who was walking along the street took the woman to hospital, (and) the driver came with them.
　　As far as (I am) concerned, the both sides have responsibility for this, begin(at the beginning), the woman shouldnot cross the street. Forthemore, the driver should pay more attention. Last. we should take proper measure .Only (when) we take the measure and we (become) more careful can we have a colorful (life) tomorrow.
　　点评：(1)本文基本切题。
　　(2)但有的地方表达思想不清楚，层次不够清楚。如第二段把描述车祸情况和发生原因混为一谈，而最后一段的总结又很牵强。
　　(3)全文有比较多的语言错误，而且有些是严重的错误。