大学英语四级写作范文和名师点评(一)

　　例4.(11分段)
　　In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold. First day when he came to school, we found that his eyes were red and his sound was rough. The second day, his cold was too bad that he couldn’t go to school.
　　At that time, there was a serious ill called SARS in our country. It’s just like badly cold and can infected others easily. But our classmates didn’t go away from him. They seemed more close to him. Our classmates helped him to take back breakfast. Our teacher came to see him with his notes book. He helped him to study in order that he didn’t drop behind my classmates’ For he was my best friend, I just sat on his bed and do my best to comfort him.
　　Althought there was SARS around us, but I felt very warm from this thing. It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult. We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family. And not very long, my classmate was getting healthy and could come to school again. How happy we were!
　　点评：本文切题，表达思想清楚，文字比较连贯, 但有一些语法错误。
　　具体问题剖析：全文有一些语法、语言错误，如"In 1 April 2003, one of my classmates was get serious cold."应改为"In 1 April 2003,one of my classmates got serious cold."(时态);"First day when he came to school,"应改为"The first day when he came to school,"(介词遗漏);"his sound was rough."应改为"his voice was rough."(用词);"Althought there was SARS around us, I felt very warm from this thing."应把but去掉(连词); "It told me that the love from true heart can help come across any difficult."应改为"It told me that the love from true heart could help come across any difficulties."(时态、词性错误);"We are so lucky that we live in a big warmth family."应改为"We are so lucky that we live in a big warm family."(词性)。
　　例5.(14分段)
　　During the SARS period in this spring, the year of 2003, one of my classmates, Li ming, was struck down by the virus and was immediately sent to hospital.
　　The news spread quickly on campus. At first, we were terrified and wondered if we were infected too. However, through our government’s publicity on mass media, we gradually conquered the fear and set out to try out best to help her. Some teachers provided darly necessities while some students recorded the English class contents for him so that Li ming could not be left behind. With our care and concern, Li ming recovered quickly.
　　Such an incident teaches us a good moral. Our society is full of love, warm and peaceful, in which people-from man to woman, from individual to individual-lend others a hand. Just like a famous song goes, "the world will turn itto heaven only if everyone contributes a little." and I do believe that it’s my great honor to live in this love-filled paradise!
　　点评：本文切题，论证丰富生动，表达思想清楚，文字通顺，连贯性较好。基本上无大的语言错误，仅有个别小错误。
　　2003年9月六级考试作文题：
　　图表作文，关于一个美国大学图书馆的图书流动量(pop fiction, general nonfiction, science, art等)，给出他们的流动比例对比，说明原因，并说明你自己喜欢阅读什么样的书。
　　例1. (2分段)
　　此分段标准为条理不清，思路紊乱，大部分句子均有严重错误。
　　(为了不影响市容，给大家造成负面影响，故此处略去100字……)
　　例2.(5分段)
　　From the novel, we can see that the students like read(reading) novel, at the same time, only (a) small part of students like read(reading) science and art.
　　The reason to(for) this is novel is intereting(interesting), students like reading it. Most of the students read too much(many) major books when they have classes, so they want to read some(something) interesting (when) they have time. Novel can let them relax(relaxed). So they choose novel.
　　I like read(reading) novel, by reading it I know a lot of things, I also relax my brains. So I choose the novel.
　　点评：(1)基本切题。
　　(2)表达思想不清楚，连贯性差。
　　(3)有较多的严重语言错误。
　　(4)字数不够，要酌情扣分。
　　例3.(8分段)
　　We can know from the picture that most of students like reading popular novel instead of reading science, poetry. From this we can know different people have different addiction to(preferences for) books.　　
　　Different people have different addiction to(preferences for) books. They read different books just to meet their different needs. Because different people have different meets to read the different kinds of books. From this we can also see that different people have different intentions and notions. So they choose the different things to meet their needs in every facet in life.
　　I like reading poetry because I think poetry can make me calm, pleased, comfort(comforted), (and) I can see many beautiful thing(things) in the poetry.
　　点评：(1)基本切题。
　　(2)第二段表达有点乱。
　　(3)语言错误相当多，其中有一些是严重错误。
　　例4.(11分段)
　　Book is the source of life. When we read a book, we should not only linger on the surface of a book, but also we should(删掉) master its intrinsic. As is charted in the blank, we can see clearly that a majority of the university students in America are addictet(addicted) to the popular fiction, and a minority of student like reading the science, poetry.
　　Why do they like reading popular novels? In my opinion, popular novel books are usually interesting, earthly, close to our lives. In contrast, science, poetry books are usually serious, dull and difficult. Therefore, most of the students prefer the popular novels.
　　I like reading the since book(science books). For one thing, it can make me enhance my speciality knoweledy(specialized knowledge); In addition, it can help me know the frontier about my speciality and master the newest things in since(science); thirdly, it can give a good chance to know a lot and can help me to study the useful subject when I graduate from the university.
　　点评：(1)本文基本切题，表达思想清楚。
　　(2)文字连贯，语言通顺。
　　(3)有一些语言错误。