英语四级写作考前突击 Wanna have fun? Join our club

　　在本期四六级考试专栏中，全国四六级考委会的夏国佐教授对读者题为"Welcome to our club"的作文进行了讲评和改写。按照四级作文的评分标准，作文部分满分15分，这篇文章得分9分。下期夏老师将继续讲评今年6月份的四级作文题"Welcome to our club"。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的点评，请按下面要求写出一篇短文，发到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
　　Directions：For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write an announcement to welcome students to join a club. You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below in Chinese:
　　1. 本社团的主要活动内容 2. 参加本社团的好处 3. 如何加入本社团
　　读者原文
　　Welcome to our club
　　Do you feel worn out? Do you want to relax yourself? Do you want to enrich your life? Now, you can make a wise choice to join up our Fun Club.
　　There are many kinds of activities in our club, including entertainment and study. We will hold a party on every Friday evening, during the time you can sing and dance to music. Besides, you can go for a picnic every weekend. As for study, we provide many books related your major courses. And we set up a new English corner, where you can improve your spoken English. If you join up our club, there are many advantages waiting for you. First, you can practice yourself and build up your social ability. Second, you can make more new friends. Most of all, you can balance between work and study.
　　There are several ways we can join up Fun Club. You can directly go to Room 300. You can also call the number 9542xxxx. Besides, you can send an e-mail to mail@funclub.com. Don’t hesitate to take action at once.
　　修改后的文章
　　Welcome to our club
　　Do you feel worn out? Do you want to relax? Do you want to enrich your life? Why not join our club?
　　Our club is named "Fun Club" because we organize many interesting activities that can involve both entertainment and study. We hold a party on every Friday evening, at which you can sing and dance to music. Besides, we have a picnic every weekend. As for study, we provide many books related to your major courses and offer chances for you to compare notes on your studies. And we plan to set up a new English corner, where you can improve your spoken English. So, if you join our club, you’ll have many benefits. First, you can get lots of practice and build up your social skills. Second, you can make many new friends. Most of all, you can achieve a balance between study and entertainment.
　　There are several ways you can join our Fun Club. You can go directly to Room 300 to apply. You can also call us at 9542xxxx. Or you can send an application to us at mail@funclub.com. Don’t hesitate. It’ll be great fun!
　　夏老师的点评
　　这篇作文基本上达到了大学英语四级的写作要求，能以简单的书面英语传达自己的意思，语言错误不多。该生对英语句子结构的掌握比较好，但是对英语的习惯搭配却不太注意，语感不是很好。下面是几点具体的修改建议。
　　1. 第一段第二句"Do you want to relax yourself"中的yourself"是多余的。动词"relax"既可作及物动词用，也可以作不及物动词 用，例如：
　　Just sit back and relax, and enjoy the music.
　　She realized how tense she was and forced herself to relax.
　　What Robin needed was a good drink to relax herself.
　　很多学生喜欢在"relax"之后接"myself/yourself", 但在英语中"relax"之后接反身代词的情况极为少见。常接的宾语是"muscle", "hold/grip", "rules/controls/regulations", "vigilance/concentration"一类词。同样，第一段第四句"to join up our Fun Club"以及后面两段中的"up"也是多余的。加入某个团体或组织，用"join"即可，例如：
　　During the war, he joined the air force and became a pilot.
　　"Join up"常作"参军"解，但是不及物，后面不跟宾语，例如：
　　He joined up right after leaving school.
　　"Join up"作及物动词时，意为"连接" ，例如：
　　You need to join up these two lines.
　　2. 第一段第四句中的"you can make a wise choice"不如改为"you can make a wise decision" 。 "make a choice"是在几个东西中挑一个，作一个选择，可这里没有提到别的选择，用"choice"就不合适了。
　　3. 第二段第二句的"during the time you can sing and dance to music", 应该改为"at which you can sing and dance to music" ，或者干脆将这一句拆分为两句。英语中，主从复合句必须有连接词连接主句和从句，如果没有连接词，则各个子句是独立的，应该用句号分开。
　　4. 第二段第四句的"we provide many books related your major courses"应改为"we provide many books related to your major courses"。动词"relate"的搭配应为"relate sth. to sth.", 例如：
　　Most writing systems relate letters to sounds fairly closely.
　　Is Conni related to him?
　　Fox writes about how culture is related to art.
　　5. 第二段第七句中的"you can practice yourself"建议改为"you can get lots of practice"。 "practice yourself"这种说法在英语中见不到。
　　6. 第二段第八句中的"you can make more new friends"建议改为"you can make many new friends" 。这里没有明确的比较，还是不用比较级为好。
　　7. 第二段最后一句中的"you can balance between work and study"应改为"you can balance study and entertainment"或者"you can balance study with entertainment", 也可以改为"you can achieve a balance between study and entertainment"。在两者之间取得平衡(给予同等重视)，用"Balance A and/with B"这个表达形式，或者用"achieve/strike/keep/maintain a balance between A and B"。另外，从内容方面看，俱乐部的活动内容是学习和娱乐，通篇没有提到工作，所以，在这里突然讲起工作和学习的平衡，有一点前后不连贯，改成"between study and entertainment" ，就要好得多。
　　学习英语最重要的是多读、多写，同时要观察英美人如何表达思想，如何搭配使用词语，体会每一个词的确切含义。读得多了，并用心去体会，慢慢就会找到感觉。