英语四级写作考前突击 Who’d like to join our club?
2008-12-15来源:和谐英语
CRACKING CET
在本期四六级考试专栏中，全国四六级考委会的夏国佐教授对读者题为"Welcome to our club"的作文进行了讲评和改写。按照四级作文的评分标准，作文部分满分15分，这篇文章得分11分。下期夏老师将讲评2007年12月份的四级作文题"What electives to choose"。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的点评，请按下面要求写出一篇短文，发到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled "What electives to choose". You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below.
1．各大学为学生开设了多种多样的选修课 2．学生出于各种原因选择不同的选修课
3．以我自己为例……
读者原文
Welcome to our club
If you feel that your spoken English is not so good and want to improve it, or you just desire for a chance to show your excellent spoken English, please do not hesitate and join our oral English club.
Our club is aimed to help one to have more confidence in their English learning. To reach this goal, it will provide you a series of practical and efficient activities. Such as English corner, singing competition, films from America and Europe and so on. Through these, you can not only practice your oral English but also your listening skills.
By joining our club, you can acquire more than knowledge. In the process of communicating with others, you will clearly realize what your merits and shortcomings in English learning are. Furthermore, it is a good opportunity for you to make true friends from different places. And the most important thing is that you will be granted a chance to be a leader managing the whole club, which is full of challenges and helps to certify your competence.
I hope everyone can seize the opportunity. Please visit the Club Union or the club website to register your personal information. We are looking forward to meeting you.
修改后的文章
Welcome to our club
If you feel that your spoken English is not so good and want to improve it, or you just long for a chance to help your fellow students with their oral English, please do not hesitate to join our Oral English Club.
Our club aims to help you gain more confidence in your English ability. To reach this goal, it will provide you with a great variety of lively activities, such as English corner discussions, singing contests, English performances and so on. We will also show English films from America and Europe. Through these activities, you can practice your oral English and your listening skills.
By joining our club, you will acquire more than knowledge and skills. In the process of communicating with others, you will come to realize what your merits and shortcomings in English learning are. Moreover, it is a good opportunity for you to meet friends from different places. Perhaps what is most important is that you will be offered a chance to act as a leader of our club for a few weeks and take responsibility for the management of routine affairs, which is full of challenges and helps to boost your leadership qualities.
I hope everyone can seize this opportunity. Those who want to join us, please visit the Club Union or the club website to register your personal information. We are looking forward to meeting you.
夏老师的点评
这篇作文切题，内容充实，表达思想亦比较清楚,达到了大学英语四级的写作要求。该生对英语语法和句子结构掌握得相当好，可见他在学习英语上是花了功夫的。不足的是对英语的惯用法和词语的搭配还不够留心，对一些词的确切意思把握得还不够好，个别地方词不达意。下面是几点具体的修改建议：
1. 第一段第一句中的"or you just desire for a chance"应改为"or you just long for a chance"。"Desire"是及物动词，后面不加介词，直接接宾语。例如：
This is the very effect we desire (to achieve).
当然，"desire"作名词用时，后面接介词for, 例如：
His desire for power can never be satisfied.
同一句中的"show your excellent spoken English"语言上没有错，但是有骄傲之意，建议改为"help your fellow students with their oral English"。
2. 第二段第一句中的"Our club is aimed to help one to have more confidence…"应改为"Our club aims to help you to gain more confidence…"。 "Aim to"一般用语态，主语可以是人或单位，也可以是事物。如果主语为事物而且需要强调被动语态时，一般用"to be aimed at"。试看下面的例句：
From here on we aim to be a high-productivity high-wage plant.
Locke aims to defend his view that all our ideas derive from experience.
The program aims to stimulate children’s interest in science.
The event aims to bring together people working in television, students, trainees and those with an interest in the industry.
The police detected a virus that was aimed at the coming election.
3. 第二段第二句中的"it will provide you a series of … activities"应改为"it will provide you with a series of … activities"。"provide"后不接双宾语。接下去的"such as…"不能单独成句，应与上句合并。另外，"English corner"和"film"均为物名，不是一种活动，应作相应的改动。
4. 第三段第三句"it is a good opportunity for you to make true friends from different places"应改为"it is a good opportunity for you to meet friends from different places"。"与……交朋友"是"make friends with"。英语中没有"make true friends"这种讲法，与"true friends"相搭配的动词是 "find"和"become"，例如：
If you have found true friends, you have real treasure.
Karelius knew that he and Moreau, however cordial their relations, could never become true friends.
5. 第三段第四句中的"you will be granted a chance"应改为"you will be offered a chance"。"grant"的意思是"给予(你请求的东西)"，与"offer"(主动给予)不完全一样。
6. 第三段第四句中的"certify your competence"用得不妥。"certify"意为"证实，证明……合格，给……发证书", 例如：
In addition, he had to certify that restoration was both practicable and in the public interest.
Beef exports must be certified safe and disease-free.
Nancy was certified as a nurse in 2006.
在本期四六级考试专栏中，全国四六级考委会的夏国佐教授对读者题为"Welcome to our club"的作文进行了讲评和改写。按照四级作文的评分标准，作文部分满分15分，这篇文章得分11分。下期夏老师将讲评2007年12月份的四级作文题"What electives to choose"。如果你希望自己的文章得到夏教授的点评，请按下面要求写出一篇短文，发到elt@21stcentury.com.cn。
Directions: For this part, you are allowed 30 minutes to write a short essay entitled "What electives to choose". You should write at least 120 words following the outline given below.
1．各大学为学生开设了多种多样的选修课 2．学生出于各种原因选择不同的选修课
3．以我自己为例……
读者原文
Welcome to our club
If you feel that your spoken English is not so good and want to improve it, or you just desire for a chance to show your excellent spoken English, please do not hesitate and join our oral English club.
Our club is aimed to help one to have more confidence in their English learning. To reach this goal, it will provide you a series of practical and efficient activities. Such as English corner, singing competition, films from America and Europe and so on. Through these, you can not only practice your oral English but also your listening skills.
By joining our club, you can acquire more than knowledge. In the process of communicating with others, you will clearly realize what your merits and shortcomings in English learning are. Furthermore, it is a good opportunity for you to make true friends from different places. And the most important thing is that you will be granted a chance to be a leader managing the whole club, which is full of challenges and helps to certify your competence.
I hope everyone can seize the opportunity. Please visit the Club Union or the club website to register your personal information. We are looking forward to meeting you.
修改后的文章
Welcome to our club
If you feel that your spoken English is not so good and want to improve it, or you just long for a chance to help your fellow students with their oral English, please do not hesitate to join our Oral English Club.
Our club aims to help you gain more confidence in your English ability. To reach this goal, it will provide you with a great variety of lively activities, such as English corner discussions, singing contests, English performances and so on. We will also show English films from America and Europe. Through these activities, you can practice your oral English and your listening skills.
By joining our club, you will acquire more than knowledge and skills. In the process of communicating with others, you will come to realize what your merits and shortcomings in English learning are. Moreover, it is a good opportunity for you to meet friends from different places. Perhaps what is most important is that you will be offered a chance to act as a leader of our club for a few weeks and take responsibility for the management of routine affairs, which is full of challenges and helps to boost your leadership qualities.
I hope everyone can seize this opportunity. Those who want to join us, please visit the Club Union or the club website to register your personal information. We are looking forward to meeting you.
夏老师的点评
这篇作文切题，内容充实，表达思想亦比较清楚,达到了大学英语四级的写作要求。该生对英语语法和句子结构掌握得相当好，可见他在学习英语上是花了功夫的。不足的是对英语的惯用法和词语的搭配还不够留心，对一些词的确切意思把握得还不够好，个别地方词不达意。下面是几点具体的修改建议：
1. 第一段第一句中的"or you just desire for a chance"应改为"or you just long for a chance"。"Desire"是及物动词，后面不加介词，直接接宾语。例如：
This is the very effect we desire (to achieve).
当然，"desire"作名词用时，后面接介词for, 例如：
His desire for power can never be satisfied.
同一句中的"show your excellent spoken English"语言上没有错，但是有骄傲之意，建议改为"help your fellow students with their oral English"。
2. 第二段第一句中的"Our club is aimed to help one to have more confidence…"应改为"Our club aims to help you to gain more confidence…"。 "Aim to"一般用语态，主语可以是人或单位，也可以是事物。如果主语为事物而且需要强调被动语态时，一般用"to be aimed at"。试看下面的例句：
From here on we aim to be a high-productivity high-wage plant.
Locke aims to defend his view that all our ideas derive from experience.
The program aims to stimulate children’s interest in science.
The event aims to bring together people working in television, students, trainees and those with an interest in the industry.
The police detected a virus that was aimed at the coming election.
3. 第二段第二句中的"it will provide you a series of … activities"应改为"it will provide you with a series of … activities"。"provide"后不接双宾语。接下去的"such as…"不能单独成句，应与上句合并。另外，"English corner"和"film"均为物名，不是一种活动，应作相应的改动。
4. 第三段第三句"it is a good opportunity for you to make true friends from different places"应改为"it is a good opportunity for you to meet friends from different places"。"与……交朋友"是"make friends with"。英语中没有"make true friends"这种讲法，与"true friends"相搭配的动词是 "find"和"become"，例如：
If you have found true friends, you have real treasure.
Karelius knew that he and Moreau, however cordial their relations, could never become true friends.
5. 第三段第四句中的"you will be granted a chance"应改为"you will be offered a chance"。"grant"的意思是"给予(你请求的东西)"，与"offer"(主动给予)不完全一样。
6. 第三段第四句中的"certify your competence"用得不妥。"certify"意为"证实，证明……合格，给……发证书", 例如：
In addition, he had to certify that restoration was both practicable and in the public interest.
Beef exports must be certified safe and disease-free.
Nancy was certified as a nurse in 2006.
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