夫妻之间为什么会存在谎言?

我会对你撒谎吗？
这要看情况了。我们结婚了吗？

因为，如果是这样，那么我可能会对你撒谎。而你也可能会对我撒谎。

我不妨说得明白些：我说的可不是那些天大的、丑陋的、毁灭性的欺骗──那些一旦被发现，就会让我们的关系毁于一旦的谎言。

我说的是那些虚幌一枪，无关痛痒的善意谎言，它们能时不时地充当社交药膏，使我们的关系更加顺畅。你肯定知道我是什么意思。

而你也清楚，即便是最美好的婚姻，最浪漫的两性关系，我们有时候也无法说实话。毕竟，我们总有很多理由不说实话。

Would I lie to you?

It depends. Are we married?

Because then I might. And you might lie to me, too.

Let's be clear: I'm not talking about the big, ugly, deal-breaking deceptions -- lies that, if exposed, could destroy a relationship.

I'm talking about the fibs and feints and little white lies that serve as a social salve and help a relationship run smoothly. You know what I mean.

And you know that even in the best marriages and romantic relationships, we sometimes fail to tell the truth. After all, we have plenty of reasons not to.

We fib to avoid conflict. To gain approval. To save face. Or just to be kind. (Show me a man who tells his wife she looks fat, and I'll show you a man headed for a night on the couch.)

Speaking of men, they didn't exactly line up to be interviewed for this column. I asked hundreds of them about the little fibs they tell their wives or significant others. And here's what I got: radio silence.

The women I queried yammered on and on. They giggled as they told of lying to -- or withholding the truth from -- their partners about their dress sizes, the cost of their hair highlights, whether they got Botox injections or how much reality TV they watch.

'You mean the old 'new clothes out of the Nordstrom shopping bag into the cleaner's plastic garment wrap before you come into the house' trick?' asked a human-resources executive in San Francisco, who has been married for 37 years. 'Well, obviously I plead guilty.'

One woman told of ordering take-out food as a newlywed, then dumping it all in pots on the stove before her husband came home from work. Another said she waited three years before telling her husband she had dropped one of the diamond earrings he'd given her down the sink. (Each time he asked why she wasn't wearing them, she claimed they hurt her to wear.) Yet another told of a friend who pockets the money her husband gives her for a housekeeper and does the cleaning herself.

Many women I spoke with seemed almost proud of the cleverness of their shams. So why wouldn't any men cop to stretching the truth from time to time? Intrigued, I asked them.

The answers poured in. (Promising anonymity helped.)

'What don't men lie about?' quipped one man I asked.

'For men, all lies are big,' explained another.

'I don't lie. I tell the truth . . . slowly,' said a third.

And there were others: 'Guys constantly feel like they are being called into the principal's office. That's why we lie.'

'Most of my buddies tell very large white lies, and in order to really keep the peace, those cannot be disclosed!'

'It's not a lie if you believe it ('Seinfeld's George Costanza).'