同床共枕的那些麻烦事儿

Rochelle Thomas has gotten so fed up with her husband's snoring over the years that she's created a 'three strikes rule.' Each time he wakes her up with his snorts, honks or shudders -- shaking the mattress 'like a cheap motel-bed vibrator' -- she gives him a penalty.

Strike one: A nudge.

Strike two: A shove or kick.

Strike three: He's out -- of the bed and down the hall to the guest room.

'It prevents anger in the morning from lack of sleep,' says Ms. Thomas, a sales representative from La Mirada, Calif. 'And I think it just may have saved his life, because I am sure I would have killed him by now.'

Isn't sleeping together supposed to be fun?

Well, maybe in the beginning. But as soon as we start trying to get some actual rest, we quickly realize what the bed really is: another stage to play out the power struggles that occupy the rest of our waking hours.

Bedroom bickering goes beyond sex and snoring. Couples argue about everything from what time to turn out the lights to who hogs the covers. Should you keep the window open or closed? Watch TV while your partner sleeps? Let the kids climb into bed with you when they're scared? It's a wonder anyone gets any shut-eye at all.

Recently, I've listened to friends complain about wives who stuff used tissues under the pillow and partners who place grime-encrusted suitcases on the sheets when they pack.

One friend who goes to bed earlier than his boyfriend admits he's spent up to an hour at night knocking on -- and even throwing things at -- the wall that separates the bedroom from the living room, trying to get his partner to come to bed. (He stopped after he accidentally clocked the cat with a book.)

When 26-year-old Jackie Vertuccio and her boyfriend moved into their first apartment together a few months ago, she says they worried about how they'd adjust to actually sleeping together, night after night.

According to Ms. Vertuccio, her boyfriend likes to go to bed early and wake up late. (She's the opposite.) She likes to cuddle. (He says it's too hot in the summer to do that.) And then there's 'Pinky,' the terry cloth blanket that her boyfriend has had since he was a child. Ms. Vertuccio thinks it needs to go.

Now, Ms. Vertuccio says the Queens, N.Y., couple has struck a compromise: He tries to sleep less and she tries to sleep more, so they can go to bed and wake up at the same time. There's a summer ban on cuddling -- and, in return, a winter ban on 'Pinky.'

Remember when you used to rip the covers off your partner in lust, not anger? Early in a relationship, we marked the turning points by bedroom firsts: the first time we had sex, first time we spent the night together, first time we watched our sleeping partner and thought 'I don't want you to leave.'

So what went wrong? We moved in together. And although we've had to learn to compromise in many areas of our coupled lives, the bed may prove to be the hardest. It's a small area to share. And we're often tired and cranky -- or flat-out unconscious -- when we're in it.

Is it any wonder, then, that almost one in four couples sleeps in separate beds or bedrooms, according to the National Sleep Foundation.

Yet here's the dilemma: No matter how annoying we find the body next to us in bed, we miss it when it's not there.

So how can we get a good night's sleep? Here, some ideas:

Wear a mask.Cliff Mugnier, a 66-year-old Baton Rouge civil engineering professor has one that conforms around the bridge of his nose with memory foam to block out the glare from the cable news shows his girlfriend insists on keeping on all night.

Get your own sheets and blankets.Stacey Scaravelli, a 44-year-old Wheat Ridge, Colo., environmental consultant tried this after her boyfriend began using all the covers to wrap himself up 'like a burrito' on his side of the bed.

Host bedroom 'visiting hours.'That's what financial adviser Greg Scherr and his wife, Valorie, did before he retired. She'd climb into bed with him at 8:30 p.m., then leave around 10 p.m., after he fell asleep. 'Both of us being in bed and awake and coherent at the same time was a major advantage to the physical part of our relationship,' says Mr. Scherr.

Build another bedroom. Forty-year-old Belton, Texas, insurance salesman John Farwell and his wife plunked down $22,000 and converted their three-car garage to a two-car one to make room for another bedroom. Now, whether or not the sheets are tucked in and the number times Mr. Farwell gets up to use the bathroom are non-issues. 'People in the 1800s were considered rich if they had separate rooms as married couples,' says Mr. Farwell. 'That is what we keep reminding each other.'

Use three beds. Pablo and Beverly Solomon have two -- both full-sized -- in their bedroom: One with a hard mattress and a light blanket for him and one with a soft mattress and an electric blanket for her. 'We took the easy way out,' says Mr. Solomon, 62, an artist.

So where's the third bed? In a guest room downstairs, which the Lampasas, Texas, couple uses for intimate moments.

'It's sexier that way,' says Ms. Solomon, 56, who does the sales and marketing of her husband's art. 'The bedroom is where you brush your teeth and go to bed. This is where we actually add some romance to the marriage -- to keep it rocking.'