面对强势人群如何坚守自己的立场

　　The Guiltmeister

　　内疚制造者

　　Your mother insists that you never call—never meaning your three calls a week aren’t enough. Or your friend sighs that you seem to have time for everyone but her—and does it while the two of you are together having lunch。

　　你的妈妈或许执意认为你从来不给她打电话—即便你一周打3次，在她眼中却是不够的。或者你明明和朋友正在共用午餐，他却感叹说你总是抽不出时间陪她。

　　Reality check: Step back and get perspective. If it were a perfect stranger in your position, what would you think? If your grown kids behaved this way toward you, how would you feel? Ask a friend for some insight. If it seems like a bigger minefield than you know how to handle, consider talking to a psychotherapist to help you sort it out。

　　审视现实：抽身出来，稍作观察。如果一个陌生人身处你的境况，你会作何感想？如果你已成年的孩子这样对你，你作何感想？你可以想一个朋友讨教下。如果你觉得自己无法处理，可以考虑咨询一下心理医生，为你理清思绪。

　　Your response: “You can’t do enough for some people, so don’t try,” says Dr. Newman. Arguing is futile—you’ll never win—so just calmly tell the other person how it’s going to be. “Mom, I’d rather we didn’t have this same argument over and over. If we can’t talk about something else, let’s hang up and call back when we can。” Or tell your “neglected” friend, “I’m sorry you feel this way, but I try to see you as much as I can。”

　　你的反应：“你为他人做事情永远没有底线，所以不要试图这样做”纽曼博士说。辩解是无济于事的，你没有任何胜算。你只需心平气和地高度对方应该如何做。“妈妈，我不想和你一直就这个问题做无休止的争论。如何我们没有其他事情可谈，那就先挂了电话，等找到其他话题了，再继续吧” 或者告诉你那“被抛弃”的朋友：“很抱歉你会这么想，但是我已经努力尽可能多的与你见面了。”

　　The Saboteur

　　破坏者

　　You’re committed to losing those excess pounds, but every time you go out with a certain friend, she tries to get you to order dessert. “Just this one time can’t hurt!” she says. “But you can’t come and not have the chocolate cake!” The saboteur tries to validate her choices by making you behave as she does。

　　你下定决心要减肥，可每次你和某位朋友出去吃饭，她总是试图让你点甜点。“就这吃一次嘛，不要紧的啦”她会这样说。“你不可能就这样来了，连巧克力蛋糕都不吃一块吧！”破坏者总是把她的选择强加到你的身上。

　　Reality check: Be a leader, not a follower, and think about how angry you’ll be when the number on the scale climbs after all that hard work. “Saying no is not about selfishness but about self-respect. You’re standing up for what is right for you,” says William Ury, PhD, cofounder of Harvard University’s Program on Negotiation。

　　审视现实： 你要做自己的主人，而不是随波逐流。想一下，当你在诸多减肥努力下，还是看到体重秤上的数字有了攀升，会有多么地懊恼啊。“学会说不并不是自私，而是自重。你在坚持做正确的事情”哈佛大学谈判项目共同创办人威廉·尤里博士如是说。

　　Your response: Stand firm, and then redirect the conversation. You don’t need a lot of excuses or explanations. “No, thank you. Tea is just fine for me. Are you going to watch American Idol this season? I wonder how the new hosts will be。”

　　你的反应：保持自己的立场，重新控制谈话的方向。你不需要很多借口或解释。“不用了，谢谢。我喝茶就可以。你会看这一季的《美国偶像》吗？我在想谁会是这一季的主持人呢”