求振作?自助者天助也

Donna Talarico sat at her computer one morning, stared at the screen and realized she had forgotten - again! - her password.
一天早上，唐娜•塔拉里科(Donna Talarico)坐在电脑前，眼睛直直地看着屏幕，发觉自己──又忘了登录密码！

She was having financial difficulties at the time, and was reading self-help books to boost her mood and self-confidence. The books talked about the power of positive affirmation - which gave her an idea: She changed her various passwords to private messages to herself, like 'imawe$some1' or 'dogoodworktoday.'
那段时间，塔拉里科遇到些财务问题，正在阅读励志书籍，以期重振旗鼓、提升自信。励志书中谈到积极肯定的力量，让她灵感突发：于是她把自己的各种验证密码都改成了一些带有自我积极暗示的字词或句子，例如“imawe$some1”、“dogoodworktoday”等等。

'It's something so simple,' says the 34-year-old marketing manager at Elizabethtown College, in Pennsylvania. 'It just reinforces that you're a good person. You can do a good job at whatever you are trying to talk yourself into.'
塔拉里科现年34岁，在宾夕法尼亚州伊丽莎白城学院(Elizabethtown College)担任市场经理。她回忆说，“那个密码应该是很简单的一句话，只是强调你是一个好人、可以做好任何自己想尝试的事情之类的。”

In times of stress, even people with close social networks can feel utterly alone. We're often advised to 'buck up,' 'talk to someone' (who is often paid to listen) or take a pill. Wouldn't it also make sense to learn ways to comfort and be supportive of ourselves?
压力大时，哪怕一些平时经常参加社交活动的人也会产生很强烈的孤独感。这个时候，我们得到的建议往往是“振作点”，“找人聊聊”（往往是我们付钱让别人听），或者吃片药。既然这样，为什么我们不试着学学自我放松、自我鼓舞呢？

Think of it as becoming our own best friend, or our own personal coach, ready with the kind of encouragement and tough love that works best for us. After all, who else knows us better than ourselves? If that sounds crazy, bear in mind it sure beats turning to chocolate, alcohol or your Pekingese for support.
想想看，自己做自己最好的朋友或者私人教练，用最适合自己的方式鼓励或严格要求自己，不是很棒吗？毕竟，还有谁会比我们更了解自己呢？如果这种想法听起来有些异想天开，那你就错了，记住，比起不停地吃巧克力、用酒精麻痹自己或者向自己的宠物寻求慰藉，自我调节要好上千百倍。

Experts say that to feel better you need to treat yourself kindly - this is called 'self-compassion' - and focus on the positive, by being optimistic. Research shows self-compassionate people cope better with everything from a major relationship breakup to the loss of their car keys. They don't compound their misery by beating themselves up over every unfortunate accident or mistake. Car broke down? Sure, it's a drag, but it doesn't make you an idiot.
专家表示，要让自己感觉好一点，我们需要善待自己──对此有个专门的名词叫做“自我同情”(self-compassion)，另外，还要保持乐观心态，学会积极看待事物。研究显示，会自我同情的人能够更好地处理各种状况，不论是重大的感情破裂还是丢了汽车钥匙。遇到不幸或犯错时，这样的人不容易过于自责，加重自己的负担。汽车抛锚了？没错，遇到这种事是挺烦的，但我们不值得为此像白痴一样抓狂。

'They are treating themselves like a kind friend,' says Mark Leary, professor of psychology and neuroscience at Duke University. 'When bad things happen to a friend, you wouldn't yell at him.'
杜克大学(Duke University)心理学和神经科学教授马克•莱亚里(Mark Leary)表示，懂得自我同情的人会像对好朋友一样对自己，“如果一个好朋友遇到麻烦，你是不会向他发脾气的。”

In 15 studies conducted over the past seven years, Dr. Leary has found that self-compassionate people are happier. Three of the studies, soon to be published, examine how self-compassion affects people over age 65. The studies found that people who accepted memory lapses, arthritis and other difficulties of getting older, and who treated themselves extra nicely on tough days, reported more positive emotions and were coping better with the aging process.
莱亚里博士从过去七年间进行的15项研究中发现，懂得自我同情的人会更幸福。其中三项研究成果很快即将公开发表，主要研究的是自我同情能力对65岁以上老年人的影响。研究发现，能够坦然接受因为上了年纪而造成的失忆、关节炎或其他问题的人，以及在艰难时刻能够特别善待自己的人，情绪上往往更加积极向上，也更能够轻松面对自己的自然衰老。

Self-compassion helps people overcome life's little, and not-so-little, stressors, such as public speaking. In another study, Dr. Leary asked people to stand in front of a videocamera and make up a story starting with the phrase, 'Once there was a little bear. . .' Then he asked them to critique their performance, captured on videotape.
自我同情能够帮助人们克服日常生活中遇到的大大小小的压力事件，例如公开演讲。在另一项研究中，莱亚里博士要求被研究对象站在摄像机镜头前，以“从前，有一头小熊……”起头当场编一个故事出来。然后，他让被研究的对象回看录像，对自己的表现作出点评。

People whom the study had identified as being high in self-compassion admitted they looked silly, recognized the task wasn't easy and joked about it. People low in self-compassion gave harsh self-criticism.
这些被研究对象事先已经接受过自我同情能力测试，其中，自我同情能力测试结果较高的人在看完录像回放后往往会承认，自己在镜头前看起来很傻，要完成这项任务很不容易，他们甚至会拿自己的表现开开玩笑。而自我同情能力测试结果较低的人则往往会进行严厉的自责。

Experts say you can learn self-compassion in real time. You can train your brain to focus on the positive - even if you're wired to see the glass as half empty. A person's perspective, or outlook, is influenced by factors including genetic makeup (is he prone to depression?), experiences (what happened to him?) and 'cognitive bias' (how does he interpret his experiences?). We can't change our genes or our experiences, but experts say we can change the way we interpret what has happened in the past.
专家表示，我们可以随时培养自己的自我同情能力。我们可以通过训练，让大脑专注于积极向上的一面──即便一些人习惯于悲观看待问题。人的想法或观点受到很多因素的影响，包括基因构成（先天具有忧郁倾向？）、生活经历（以前经历过什么？）和“认知偏向”（习惯于如何理解自己的经历？）等。我们无法改变自己的基因构成和过去的生活经历，但专业人士指出，我们能够改变自己对过往经历的理解方式。

Everyone has an optimistic and a pessimistic circuit in their brain, says Elaine Fox, visiting research professor at the University of Oxford, England, and director of the Affective Neuroscience Laboratory in the Department of Psychology at the University of Essex. Fear, rooted in the amygdala, helps us identify and respond to threats and is at the root of pessimism. Optimism, in contrast, is rooted in the nucleus accumbens, the brain's pleasure center, which responds to food, sex and other healthy, good things in life.
《大脑的阴天与晴天》(Rainy Brain, Sunny Brain)一书作者、英国埃塞克斯大学(University of Essex)心理系情感认知神经科学实验室(Affective Neuroscience Laboratory)主任、牛津大学(University of Oxford)客座研究教授伊莱恩•福克斯(Elaine Fox)表示，人的大脑中既有一个乐观的神经回路，也有一个悲观的神经回路。发源于杏仁体的恐惧情绪能够帮助我们对威胁进行识别和反应，也是悲观情绪产生的根源。而乐观情绪则发源于大脑的“快乐中枢”伏隔核，这里的神经元会促使人对食物、性和其他生活中健康、美好的食物作出反应。