你应该忘记的7堂人生课：往前走别回头

"But if I fail," you may protest, "people will think badly of me!" This dreaded fate causes despair, suicide, homicide. I realized this when I read blatant lies about myself on the Internet. When I bewailed this to a friend, she said, "Wow, you have some painful fantasies about other people's fantasies about you." Yup, my anguish came from my hypothesis that other people's hypothetical hypotheses about me mattered. Ridiculous! Right now, imagine what you'd do if it absolutely didn't matter what people thought of you. Got it? Good. Never go back.
“如果我失败了，人们就会看不起我了！”你也许会这样想。这种想法只会造成失望、自杀和杀人，这是我在网上看到对自己不实的诽谤时体会到的。我把这些和一个朋友倾诉，她说“你现在是因为幻想别人对你的看法而感到痛苦。” 是的，我的怨恨都来自于我的假设，我假想别人会对我做出一些评价。多可笑！现在试想一下，你将要做的事与别人怎么想你完全无关。学会了吗？很好，一直保持下去吧。

5. The pretty girls get all the good stuff.
美女能获得所有的好东西。

Oh, God. So not true. I unlearned this after years of coaching beautiful clients. Yes, these lovelies get preferential treatment in most life scenarios, but there's a catch: While everyone's looking at them, virtually no one sees them. Almost every gorgeous client had a husband who'd married her breasts and jawline without ever noticing her soul.
天哪，这绝对不是正确的。辅导一些美女客户时，我才发现这种想法是多么错误。这些可人儿的确能得到更多的生活优待，但不得不提，当每个人看她们的时候，没有人真正欣赏她们。几乎每个美女客户的老公，在意的都是她们迷人的身材和轮廓而非她们的内心。

6. If all my wishes came true right now, life would be perfect.
如果我现在心想事成了，生活绝对很完美。

Check it out: People who have what you want are all over rehab clinics, divorce courts, and jails. That's because good fortune has side effects, just like medications advertised on TV. Basically, any external thing we depend on to make us feel good has the power to make us feel bad. Weirdly, when you've stopped depending on tangible rewards, they often materialize. To attract something you want, become as joyful as you think that thing would make you. The joy, not the thing, is the point.
想想吧：拥有你想要的一切的人们，也许正在康复中心、离婚法庭和监狱。这是因为和药物电视广告一样，财富也会有副作用。事实上，所有能给我们带来快乐的外界东西都会给我们带来伤害。奇怪的是，当你不再依赖于有形的奖励时，它们偏偏经常出现。想得到些什么，就多想想有了它之后生活会多么快乐。快乐才是最重要的。

7. Loss is terrible.
失去很恐怖。

Ten years ago I still feared loss enough to abandon myself in order to keep things stable. I'd smile when I was sad, pretend to like people who appalled me. What I now know is that losses aren't cataclysmic if they teach the heart and soul their natural cycle of breaking and healing. A real tragedy? That's the loss of the heart and soul themselves. If you've abandoned yourself in the effort to keep anyone or anything else, unlearn that pattern. Live your truth, losses be damned. Just like that, your heart and soul will return home.
十年前，我仍希望一切如旧，害怕失去。难过的时候我会微笑，假装喜欢那些我厌恶的人们。现在我知道，失去并不是灾难性的，它们能促使内心和灵魂的自然循环那些伤害和愈合。真正的悲剧是什么？就是失去了内心和灵魂。如果在挽留某个人或维持某件事的过程中，你失去了自己，那就别再坚持了吧。做真实的自己，失去再难过，你的内心和灵魂也会慢慢愈合。