好朋友坏朋友：6招识破“自私”的朋友

The selfish person talks about his other friends but never introduces you to any of them and always comes alone. He gives you the impression of knowing lots of people, but when you listen to the stories he tells, you find out that it’s all superficial. He’s always hanging out with people he barely knows, and you rarely find him with close buddies, but you always hear him talk about the relationships he has with powerful people, it never ends.
自私的人总向你谈起他的其他朋友，但却又总是单独见你，从不将你介绍给他的朋友们。他在你面前表现得好像认识很多很多人，但当你仔细听他所说的话时，会发现其实都只是泛泛之交。他总是跟自己不甚了解的人交往，没什么真心朋友。但他还是会乐此不疲地谈论着自己跟某些大人物如何如何。

If you want to laugh, ask him if he could introduce you to so and so: He’ll give you the stupidest excuses why that can’t happen “now”, but maybe a “little bit later.” It actually never happens, but it’s funny to see him try to evade your request.
要是你不相信，可以试着问他能否将你介绍给他的朋友——然后他会给出各种好笑的理由，说什么“现在还不行，以后再说吧”。其实根本就没有“以后”，只是他这么慌不择路地躲闪言辞实在很可笑。

Sign 5 – To Him, You’re Boring
特征5：在他看来，你很无聊

He never takes the time to understand what’s special or interesting about you. To him, conversation is just a means of gaining more power. He sure looks like he’s listening, but in reality, he’s just waiting for you to shut up so he can take control of the conversation, again. For example, when you say stuff like “Oh! Hey, you know what I just read in USA Today,… etc,” he says stuff like “Yea, of course!”, or “I know that but, here’s what’s really interesting…” With sentences like that, he just downplays anything you say as banal, and common knowledge.
他从不用心了解你这人哪里特别或有趣。对他来说，谈话只是获得更多权力的一种手段。当然，看上去他确实在听，但骨子里却是在等你说完后他自己好再次掌控整个谈话。举个例子，当你说“哎，你知道吗，我刚在《今日美国》上看到……”，他会说“哦，是吗！”或“我也看到了，但还有比这个更有意思的……”等诸如此类的话。他总是轻描淡写把你讲的话贬得乏味而寻常。

This will even happen if you talk about a brand new science discovery. If you want to test them, tell them about a new scientific study, and give him the results in reverse. If he says “I know…”, then you’re dealing with a sucker.
哪怕你说的是最新科学发现，他也能在话头上压制你。要是你想看他到底是不是这种人，完全可以选个最新的科学研究，然后故意先说个错误的结论，要是他说“是啊，我知道啊……”，那证明他的确是个不折不扣的伪君子。

Sign 6 – He Covers His “Black Hole” Personality
特征6：他很会隐藏自己的“阴暗”性格。

The selfish person knows that if he acts like himself right away, he would nevermake friends. Instead, he starts by acting like a very polite cordial person. At first, he’s interested in getting to know you, and listens carefully to you. Then, he gradually starts to withdraw, and only shows up when he needs something.
自私的人很清楚，要是言行举止任由自己的性子，他很难交到朋友。所以，他会表现得非常友好热情。一开始，他很愿意了解你、很用心地听你说话。然后，他的热情就会慢慢变淡，只会在需要你时才出现。

He usually brings lots of conversation to the table, and always has something to say. He does that to imply an open minded, interesting, and interested personality, but you can sense that he’s not really interested in any of those subjects; he just uses them as a cover for an empty take-everything-I-can personality. It’s like a black hole—you can’t expect to get love from a person who can only take.
这种人通常谈资甚广，任何话题都能插上两句。他这么做是为了表现得性格开放风趣，但你却能感觉到他其实并不是真的喜欢谈话话题，反倒显得是对他那“假大空”性格的欲盖弥彰罢了。这就像一个“黑洞”——只进不出，你不可能从这种人身上得到任何真心回馈的。

BONUS-TIP – The Most Dangerous Trick In His Bag
附加建议：自私之人最“腹黑”的伎俩

The most dangerous trick in the selfish person’s bag is the confusion he tries to create in your mind. He tries to get you to doubt your value as a friend. He wants you to think you’re not cool enough, and need to try harder. This is a pseudo-rejection that the selfish person gives you in small doses.
自私之人最“腹黑”的伎俩就是，他会竭力扰乱你的思维、给你造成困惑。他使你质疑自己作为朋友的意义，使你觉得自己不够出色、需要再付出一点。自私的人总是一点一点向你灌输这种假象的自我质疑的思维。

My advice to you is to never fall for this. As you start to detect the selfish signs, move on, and find a giving person; someone who is willing to invest some of their time to make new friends. Cut the suckers out—they do more harm than good.
我奉劝你千万别上当。当你识破自私的特征时，就请迈步向前，交一些真心愿意花时间跟你做朋友的人吧。把自私的人拉进黑名单——这种人百害无一益。