全职爸爸的自白

Generally, Clay says, he finds that women seem more sympathetic, or at least less critical of his role. He has rarely if ever heard a female acquaintance crack a joke about his role as a stay-at-home parent.
一般来讲，克莱说，他发现女性更富同理心，或者说至少较少地讽刺他的家庭角色。他几乎没有被女性朋友开过“全职奶爸”的玩笑。

"Is this because many if not most of them have been the primary caregiver of their children and held a full- or part-time job?" he wonders. "Is it because, on average, a man's sense of self is more deeply embedded in his career or earning power?"
他问道，“难道是因为很多母亲──如果我们不说大多数母亲的话──一直都是家里为小孩付出更多的那个人，并且还同时做着一份全职或兼职的工作？”“或是因为，一般来讲，男人的自我感受更深地植根于他们的职业和赚钱能力之中？”

He felt this contrast earlier this year when he attended an open house at our daughter's school. Only a handful of fathers attended, and they all spent a good part of the time by themselves talking about their jobs. He found himself gravitating to the mothers.
今年早些时候，他在参加女儿学校组织的家庭招待会时就感受到了两性之间的这种差异。只有为数不多的爸爸参加了这次活动，他们大部分时间都在聚在一起对自己的工作高谈阔论。他发现自己身不由主地被妈妈们吸引了过去。

"The moms seemed more engaged in the event itself, more focused on chatting with teachers, viewing student work and touring the school, " Clay says, even though many of them hold jobs outside of the home. "It was a window into issues of gender identification and role playing."
克莱说，“妈妈们似乎对活动本身更为投入，她们更关心与老师们交流、欣赏学生作品和参观校园”，尽管她们中的很多人在家庭之外也有自己的工作。“这个窗口投射出了男性和女性对性别身份和所扮演角色的看法。”

After nearly three years as a stay-at-home dad, Clay also says that he has gained more confidence in his role and has fewer regrets. "I like being a househusband and a homemaker, " he says. "I enjoy folding clothes and mowing the lawn. I didn't realize that, as a result of this, I would start to think more deeply about how cultural stereotypes originate and, more interestingly, why some people are loath to challenge them."
在做了将近三年的全职爸爸后，克莱还说，对于他的角色，他已经收获了更多自信，也少了些踌躇。他表示，“我喜欢当‘家庭主夫’并料理家务”。“我喜欢叠衣服、给草坪除草。我以前并没有认识到，这段经历可以让我对文化固有观念是如何形成的以及为什么有些人会墨守成规开始进行更深入的思考。”

He has forged friendships with other stay-at-home parents. At the same time, he has come to appreciate the time and freedom. It has allowed him to focus on things he enjoys, including projects around the house, like repainting our kitchen and bathroom or replacing the faucet.
他还与其他全职家长建立起了友谊。与此同时，他也开始享受时光和自由。这让他有精力关注自己喜欢的事情，包括和房子相关的工程，比如重新粉刷我们的厨房和浴室、更换水龙头等。

"Nothing feels quite as right as plying a trade that I know inside and outside on my own house, " he says.
他说，“没有什么比经营自己家房前屋后的事儿更让人觉得心旷神怡了。”

These days, Clay's occasional doubts tend to revolve around whether he's "doing enough" and whether I "secretly resent" him.
这些天，克莱偶尔会纠结于是否他已经“做得足够多”以及是否我“暗自怨恨他”这两个问题。

Straight answer? I don't, although there have been moments when I have envied Clay's freedom. But I am also grateful for the tremendous amount of work he puts into our home and family, and I feel lucky that I have married a man who sees the big picture and supports my career.
我实事求是的回答是什么？我不怨恨他，尽管有一些时候，我深羡他的自由。但同时，我对他为家庭所付出的大量辛勤劳动心怀感激，并且对自己嫁给了这样一个能放眼全局、支持我事业的丈夫而深感幸运。

Life is a narrative, and we are editing as we go along. As circumstances change, we will adjust. We realize that the most important thing isn't what one of us is leaning into. It's that we remember that we can always lean on each other.
生活是故事，由我们在生命长河中慢慢书写。周围的环境在变，我们也在调整。我们认识到，最重要的事情并不是我们俩人中的谁投身于家庭谁投身于事业，而是我们知道我们永远都能互相依靠。