说话是门艺术: 不要对别人说的6句话

You have just said something wrong. The other person is looking at you with a red angry face, but the issue is not about what you’ve said, it’s about what they’ve heard.
你说错话了，对方正怒火中烧的看着你，往往这类问题的关键不是在于你说了什么，而是他们听到的东西。

There are some sentences that act like deadly silent ninjas, killing self-confidence and antagonizing your friends, family and colleagues—the worst thing is that you might not even realize it.
下面这几句话可以看成是致命的沉默忍者，抹杀自信，敌对朋友，家人和同事——最糟糕的的就是你甚至都意识不到。

Here are 6 things you should never say to someone:
下面这六句话你千万不要对别人说：

1. “I don’t care”
“我无所谓”

What they hear: “Leave me alone. I have better things to do than listen to you.”
他们听到的是：“别管我，我懒得听你们说，我有更好的事情去做。”

Explain why you would love to hear about that subject, and why “right now” is not the best time for you. Everybody matters. Not caring about someone is denying their existence: If people matter for you, you will matter for them.
解释一下你对这些其实很感兴趣，只是现在不是最好的时机去倾听。每个人都很重要。不关心别人就是忽视他们的存在感，如果别人在意你，你也需要在意他们。

2. “You’re wrong”
“你错了”

What they hear: “You are stupid. You know nothing. You’re worthless.”
他们听到的是：“你是个笨蛋，你知道什么啊，你简直一文不值”。

Prefer more tactful sentences. “I would have thought that…”, “My understanding is that…” Ask questions to make sure you and the other person are working on the same assumptions.
不如换成更加隐晦的句子：“我早就应该想到...” “我的理解是...” 问问题能保证你和其他人在商榷同一个假设。

3. “You can’t do it”
“你做不到的”

What they hear: “You don’t have what it takes to do it, no matter how hard you try; So why do you even try?”
他们听到的是：“无论你多努力，都没有能力做到，那干嘛还要去尝试呢？”

Why would you set someone up for failure? I understand that you don’t want your friend to have delusions, and you could feel that it is your duty to stop that person before they hurt themselves, but I would like to ask you: how can you judge what is good for somebody? And what if failure was the best path for growth? Encourage people who have chosen a challenging path.
为什么总把别人和失败绑在一起？我懂你其实不希望你朋友产生幻觉，你觉得阻止他们是你的责任，可以使他们免于受伤，但我还是想问问你：你凭什么替别人去判断事物的好坏？失败难道不是成长最好的途径吗？对那些走在充满挑战道路上的人一丝鼓励吧。