年轻人如何处理爱情和金钱的关系

The internet is brimming with money tips for newlyweds — open a joint account, talk about your money values, budget for date night. While sound advice, these articles ignore a simple truth: your money relationship doesn’t begin when you walk down the aisle. It starts on your very first date.
互联网为新婚夫妇提供了许多理财技巧——开设联名账户，沟通理财价值观，为约会之夜制定预算。这些都是有益的忠告，不过这些文章忽略了一条简单的真理：你和配偶之间的金钱关系并非始于步入婚姻殿堂之时，而是从第一次约会就开始了。

Rather than discussing finances in romantic relationships, we tend to quickly and quietly adapt to our beliefs about how the other person wants to deal with the issue. So if Mr. Wonderful pays on dates one and two, his dinner partner may assume he is happy to pay on dates three, four and 50. But that often leads to frustration from at least one party. Maybe, like most millennials, Mr. Wonderful can’t really afford to treat every time. Perhaps his date feels guilty for not contributing financially.
与其在恋爱中谈钱，我们更倾向于迅速地悄悄去适应另一半在这件事情上的看法。因此，如果说好人君（Mr. Wonderful）头一两次约会都主动掏钱，那他的约会对象可能就会觉得第三回、第四回甚至是第50回也都该由他买单。但这通常会至少让其中一方感到沮丧失落。或许，像大多数千禧一代，好人君实际上无法每次都请客。也许他的约会对象会因为在财务上没有做出贡献而感到内疚。

You are probably thinking, ‘just say something.’ But chances are you wouldn’t.
你可能会想，“说说清楚吧。”不过你多半开不了口。

“We are all ‘funny’ about money, no matter how much or how little money we have, ” writes Dr. Kate Levinson in her book Emotional Currency. If, as the oft quoted statistic says, 70% of divorces are due to money woes, what financial changes can couples make early on to fortify their long term odds?
凯特·莱文森（Kate Levinson）博士在《情感货币》（Emotional Currency）一书中写道，“我们对待金钱的态度都很“有趣”，无论是有钱还是没钱人。”据经常引用的统计数字表明，70%的人离婚是因为经济问题，那么，夫妻可以提前在财务方面做出哪些改变，来巩固长期的婚姻关系？

Scott Rick, a marketing professor at the University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business, studies the links between money, attraction and marital happiness. In a 2011 paper, “ Fatal (Fiscal) Attraction: Spendthrifts and Tightwads in Marriage, ” Rick and his co-authors reveal that tightwads (people who tend to spend less than they would like to) often marry spendthrifts (people who spend more than they would like to).
密歇根大学罗斯商学院（University of Michigan’s Ross School of Business）市场营销学教授斯科特·里克（Scott Rick）专注于研究金钱、吸引力和婚姻幸福间的联系。在2011年的论文《致命（财务）吸引力：婚姻中的败家子和吝啬鬼》（Fatal (Fiscal) Attraction: Spendthrifts and Tightwads in Marriage）中，里克与合作者们揭示了吝啬鬼（那些花钱节俭的人）通常会和败家子（那些花钱大手大脚的人）结婚的真相。

“Generally we marry ourselves. We go out and find someone who mirrors the things we like about ourselves, ” says Rick, who began looking at spendthrifts and tightwads in relationships when he married a tightwad. “But a tightwad doesn’t like being a tightwad. A spendthrift does not like being a spendthrift. It turns out they don’t want a second one of themselves in the home.” Rick explains that the differences initially lead to attraction but eventually becomes less fun when you need to make decisions of economic consequence.
自打娶了个小气老婆之后，里克就开始研究情侣关系中的败家子和吝啬鬼，他表示，“通常来说，我们会和同类人结婚。我们出去约会，寻找那些和我们兴趣相投的人。但是极其抠门的人不喜欢成为吝啬鬼。挥霍无度的人也不喜欢成为败家子。事实证明，他们都不喜欢在家里看到第二个自己。”里克解释说，最初的性格差异会导致爱情吸引，但是当需要做出有一定经济影响的决定时，这就没那么好玩了。

Around this time last year, a much talked about New York Times article reveled a trend of young adults asking for their love interest’s credit score to determine if he or she is worth pursuing. In one anecdote a 31 year old flight attendant was quickly disenchanted when a suitor asked about her credit score on their very first date.
去年大约这个时候，《纽约时报》（New York Times）刊出的一篇文章引发了热烈的讨论，文章报道美国年轻人流行打听自己心仪对象的信用评分，以衡量对方是否值得追求。有这样一段轶事，当追求者在双方第一次约会中问及她的信用评分时，一位31岁的空姐突然立刻不再抱幻想。

Like our dating lives, a person’s relationship to money cannot be boiled down to a single statistic. Maybe wait a few dates to bring up nitty gritty details like credit scores and 401k balances. Instead Levinson says you should see if the relationship “has legs” and keep an eye out for “patterns.” Does one partner always pay? Are you are being overly generous, while your partner is being tightfisted? How does that make you feel?
跟约会那样，人与金钱的关系不能简单归结为一个数字。也许等约会过几次，再打听彼此的信用评分以及401K退休金户头余额等这些具体细节吧。莱文森表示，重点要看这段恋爱关系是否“能长久”，密切注意“交往模式”。是否总是一方在付钱？你是否过于慷慨，而约会对象特别抠门？这让你有什么感觉？