年轻人如何处理爱情和金钱的关系

If you are unhappy with your money exchanges, Levinson recommends approaching the topic in the same way you might the dirty socks your girlfriend leaves around. ‘You always leave your socks on the floor and that’s irritating to me. Why don’t you put them in the hamper?’ is not so different from saying, ‘You never let me pay for dinner and that’s irritating to me. What is that about for you?’ Don’t criticize, but instead try to come to a mutual understanding of why you each behave the way you do.
如果你对你们的金钱往来不满意，莱文森建议，解决这个问题可以仿效处理女朋友乱扔脏袜子的做法。“你总是把袜子扔在地板上，这让我很恼火。为什么不把袜子放在洗衣篮里？”其实这样说没有多大不同：“你总是不让我请你吃晚餐，这让我很恼火。这是怎么回事？”不要批评对方，而是尝试相互理解，为什么你们各自会有这种行为。

Married financial planners Scott and Bethany Palmer describe money as a laboratory, by observing your love-interest’s spending habits you can get to know him or her. If you, for example, notice that the girl you have gone out with a few times is careful with her pennies you can compliment her self control. If you notice she throws spending caution to the wind you can ask about her non-financial adventures. “When you are dating you really have the opportunity to see what you are about to get into, ” says Scott.
婚内理财规划师斯科特·帕尔默（Scott Palmer）和贝瑟尼·帕尔默（Bethany Palmer）把金钱形容为一座实验室，通过观察心仪对象的消费习惯，可以了解对方的为人。比如说，如果你注意到，和你约会过几次的女友花钱很仔细，你可以称赞她的自我控制力。如果你发现她花钱大手大脚，也可以询问她在财务方面以外的冒险经历。斯科特说，“约会的时候，实际上是有机会看清楚对方是什么样的人的。”

There are, however, also warnings signs to look for. You may want to rethink a relationship if someone is unwilling to discuss money, lies about their finances or doesn’t pay you back. Perhaps your date said he left a tip for that friendly waitress on the table, but you find no cash when you run back to get your sunglasses. Don’t let red flags go. “Once we are in love with somebody, ” Levinson notes, “we are vulnerable to taking care of someone in ways that are not healthy.”
当然也有些信号要警惕。如果对方不愿讨论金钱，对财务状况撒谎，只有索取没有付出，那么你可能就要重新考虑与之的关系。也许你的约会对象会说，他有把小费放在桌子上留给亲切友好的女服务生，但当你回去找落下的太阳眼镜时，却没有看到。不要放过这样的危险信号。莱文森指出，“一旦爱上某个人，我们就很容易用一些不健康的方式去纵容对方。”

A psychotherapist, Levinson is currently working with a couple that has been dating for four years and wants to buy a house. Both partners have steady incomes, but one has additional family money. Generous with small expenses, the partner with extra funds wants to split the home 50/50 even if it means buying a lesser property. The other partner cannot understand why his mate isn’t willing to pay more and take a larger share of the equity so they can live in a home they love. “The work, ” says Levinson, “is really about figuring out why she needs to be so boundaried here and having her partner understand why.” Being in love (like or lust) doesn’t preclude the realities of financial inequality and assumptions. By the same token, knowing the contents of someone’s bank account doesn’t mean you understand his or her relationship to it.
作为一名心理治疗师，莱文森目前正为一对情侣提供咨询，他们交往了四年并想购买一栋房产。双方都有稳定收入，其中一方拥有额外的家庭财产。手头更宽裕的女方虽然在小额支出上很大方，但却希望平摊购房费用，即便这意味着他们只能买小一点的房子也在所不惜。男方不能理解为什么女友不愿意多掏点钱，多负担一点购房费用，这样他们就能住上一栋自己喜欢的房子。莱文森说，“咨询实际上是为了搞清楚，为什么她需要在买房问题上划清界限，并让男友理解其中的原因。”坠入爱河（喜欢或欲望）不能排除财务不对等的现实和假设。出于同样的原因，知道某人银行账户有多少钱，并不意味着你就理解对方的金钱观念。