如何让自己的性格变得越来越好

Where do you start? 'First, we have to recognize which pieces of our personality affect us,' says Richard Levak, a Del Mar, Calif., psychologist. 'If I am a grouchy, argumentative, slightly suspicious type, and I am always getting fired because I get into arguments with co-workers and always blame others, then I have to realize that I have to change something.'
那么，你应该从哪做起呢？加州德尔马(Del Mar)的心理学家理查德·莱瓦克(Richard Levak)表示：“首先，我们必须认识到性格中有哪些因素对我们构成了影响。如果我爱发牢骚，好争辩，还有点多疑，我总是因为跟同事吵架，老是责怪别人而被解雇，那我就必须意识到得改变一下。”

Think about a bad habit like overeating, Dr. Levak says. To lose weight, you become aware of when and why you overeat. 'If you have a tendency to be defensive and want to fight, you tell yourself, 'OK, when my boss comes to talk to me and I immediately feel I am being judged and want to protect myself, I am overreacting,' ' Dr. Levak says. 'Calm yourself down and don't argue.'
莱瓦克说，这和纠正暴饮暴食这种坏习惯相似。要想减肥，你就得认识到自己什么时候以及为什么会暴饮暴食。莱瓦克博士表示：“如果你有戒心过重和好斗的倾向，你就要对自己说：‘好的，当我老板过来跟我说话，而我立马感觉老板在挑我的刺，想要自我防卫的话，那我就是反应过激了。’让自己冷静下来，不要争吵。”

Don't set expectations too high. Be patient. It takes a long time for an intentional behavior to become second nature, Dr. Soto says. Don't worry too much about other people's reactions because usually you are changing in a way that pleases them.
不要把期望值定得太高。耐心一些。索托博士说，要把一种有意为之的行为变成习惯，需要花费很长时间。不要太担心其他人的反应，因为你的变化通常是他们乐于见到的。

Warren Kennaugh, a behavioral strategist in Sydney, Australia, who helps individuals and teams develop successful behaviors, says it's important to start small. Identify a first step and then practice it, without worrying about the initial results. 'It's like learning to kick a football,' he says. 'You focus on the steps, not whether it goes in the goal.'
澳大利亚悉尼的行为策略师沃伦·肯诺(Warren Kennaugh)帮助个人和团队培养有助成功的行为，他说，从小处做起非常重要。确定你第一步要做什么，然后进行练习，不要担心最初的结果。他说：“这就像学踢足球一样。你关注的是脚法，而不是能否射门。”

He says you should let the people close to you know what you're doing. 'Not only can they be supportive,' he says, 'but a change for you can also mean a change for them -- one they may not want or be ready for, if they aren't told prior.'
肯诺说，应该让身边的人知道你在做什么。他表示：“他们不仅能为你提供支持，而且你的改变也意味着他们的改变——如果你不事先告诉他们的话，他们也许不想要或者没有准备好接受这些变化。”

Brandon Green says he had to agree with his roommate's assessment of his personality. For as long as he could remember, he says, he had felt negative, frustrated and 'drawn inward.' Often he struggled with feelings of jealousy and anger, and he avoided romantic relationships to protect himself from these feelings. An introvert, he wasn't comfortable in social situations.
格林说，他不得不承认室友对他性格的评价是正确的。他说，自打记事以来，他一直都有种消极感和挫败感，“孤僻内向”。他经常挣扎在嫉妒和愤怒感中，为保护自己免受这些感觉困扰，他会刻意回避恋爱关系。作为一个内向的人，他在社交场合也会感到不舒服。

He started with therapy. He went to cognitive behavioral therapy twice a week, then once a week, for about 18 months. He read self-help books and wrote in a journal -- sometimes up to 1 1/2 hours a night -- recording and analyzing his perceptions. He took up photography, which got him out and talking to people. And he blogged about his efforts with the goal of helping others.
于是格林开始接受心理治疗。他总共进行了18个月左右的认知行为疗法，刚开始是一周两次，然后一周一次。他阅读心理自助书籍，并在日记中记录和分析他的感想（有时候他一晚上会花一个半小时写日记）。他开始摄影，这项爱好能让他走出去跟人聊天。他还通过博客记录他所做的努力，以期帮助别人。

Most helpful, Mr. Green says, was learning to question his negative view of the world. He learned to do this in the moment -- when someone cut him off in traffic, for example -- and at calm moments when he could reflect on things that caused him stress. 'If you are more negative, you have a feeling that bad stuff can happen at every turn,' he says. 'You have to question if that is just coming from you because you are living through a sour lens.'
格林说，对他帮助最大的是学习去质疑自己消极的世界观。无论是在某些特定时刻（比如开车时有人挡了他的道）还是在冷静的时候（当他可以反思给他带来压力的事情时），他都会试着自我质疑。他说：“如果你比较消极，感觉坏事随时随地都会发生，你就得自问这些是否都是源自你自己，因为你是带着一种消极的心态在生活。”

Mr. Green sees a big change in himself. He is still introverted, he says, but more comfortable interacting with others, sharing information about himself and making friends.
格林在自己身上看到了很大的变化。他说，他依然内向，但已经可以比较轻松地与人交流，分享与自己相关的信息和结交朋友了。

'Being introspective and attempting to be honest with myself and others has helped me greatly in becoming a happier, more outgoing person,' he says.
他说：“学会内省，努力以诚待人待己，这些对我帮助很大，让我逐渐变成一个更快乐，更开朗的人。”