用不着你包办一切 孩子好着呢

Lenore Skenazy, a New York City mother of two, earned the sobriquet “America’s Worst Mom” after reporting in a newspaper column that she had allowed her younger son, then 9, to ride the subway alone.
家住纽约市的莉诺·斯科纳兹(Lenore Skenazy)是两个孩子的母亲，自从报纸专栏报道了她让9岁的小儿子独自乘坐地铁的事情之后，“美国最差妈妈”的绰号就落在了她的头上。

The damning criticism she endured, including a threat of arrest for child endangerment, intensified her desire to encourage anxious parents to give their children the freedom they need to develop the self-confidence and resilience to cope effectively with life’s many challenges.
她承受了严厉的谴责，甚至面临着因危害儿童罪而受到逮捕的威胁，但这一切反而令她的信念更加坚定，她期望能通过自己的努力，鼓励焦虑的家长们放手，给孩子更多自由，让孩子们有机会建立自信心和适应力，从而更有效地应对生活中的诸多挑战。

One result was the publication in 2009 of her book “Free Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children (Without Going Nuts With Worry).” A second result is the Free Range Kids Project and a 13-part series, starting Thursday on Discovery Life Channel, called “World’s Worst Mom.” In it, Ms. Skenazy intervenes to rescue bubble-wrapped kids from their overprotective parents by guiding the children safely through a sequence of once-forbidden activities and showing their anxious parents how well the children perform and how proud they are of what they accomplished.
为此，她在2009年出版了一本书，名为《放养孩子》(Free Range Kids: How to Raise Safe, Self-Reliant Children [Without Going Nuts With Worry])。此外她还建立了“放养孩子计划”(Free Range Kids Project)，并拍摄了名为《世界上最糟糕的妈妈》(‘World’s Worst Mom’)的13集系列片，从周四开始在探索生活频道(Discovery Life Channel)播出。在这个节目里，斯科纳兹试图通过干预将受到过度保护的“花骨朵”们从父母手中解放出来，指导他们安全地完成一系列一度被父母严格禁止的活动，向那些总是忧心忡忡的父母们显示，他们的孩子有多棒，以及他们的孩子对自己的成就有多么感到自豪。

The term “helicopter parents” applies to far more than those who hover relentlessly over their children’s academic and musical development. As depicted in the first episode of the series, it applies to 10-year-old Sam’s very loving mother who wouldn’t let him ride a bike (“she’s afraid I’ll fall and get hurt”), cut up his own meat (“Mom thinks I’ll cut my fingers off”), or play “rough sports” like skating. The plea from a stressed-out, thwarted Sam: “I just want to do things by myself.”
“直升机父母”这个词常形容的是那些每分每秒都悬在孩子头顶，督促他们在学业和音乐上不断进步的父母，但其实这个词的适用范围远远不止于此。斯科纳兹系列片的第一集中介绍的、10岁男孩山姆的母亲就是典型的“直升机父母”。她对自己的儿子过分爱护，以至于不允许他骑自行车（“她怕我会跌倒受伤”），不许他自己用餐刀切碎盘中肉食（“妈妈认为我肯定会切到手指头”），更不许参加滑冰之类“粗野的运动”。压力山大且倍受挫折的山姆恳求道：“我想要的，不过是自己的事情自己做而已。”

In an interview, Ms. Skenazy said, “Having been brainwashed by all the stories we hear, there’s a prevailing fear that any time you’re not directly supervising your child, you’re putting the child in danger.” The widespread publicity now given to crimes has created an exaggerated fear of the dangers children face if left to navigate and play on their own.
斯科纳兹女士在一次采访中说：“被道听途说的传闻洗脑之后，人们普遍存在这么一种忧虑：只要没有紧紧盯着自己孩子的一举一动，就是将孩子置于险境。”现如今对犯罪行为的广泛宣传，也大大夸大了让儿童独立行动和玩耍时可能遇到的危险。

Yet, according to Peter Gray, a research psychologist at Boston College, “the actual rate of strangers abducting or molesting children is very small. It’s more likely to happen at the hands of a relative or family friend. The statistics show no increase in childhood dangers. If anything, there’s been a decrease.”
然而，美国波士顿学院(Boston College)的研究心理学家彼得·格雷(Peter Gray)指出：“实际上，陌生人拐骗或猥亵儿童的案发率非常低，亲戚或家庭友人作案的机率反而更大。而且，统计数据并未显示儿童面临的危险增加，实情是此类事件是呈下降趋势的。”

Experts say there is no more crime against children by strangers today — and probably significantly less — than when I was growing up in the 1940s and ’50s, a time when I walked to school alone and played outdoors with friends unsupervised by adults. “The world is not perfect — it never was — but we used to trust our children in it, and they learned to be resourceful,” Ms. Skenazy said. “The message these anxious parents are giving to their children is ‘I love you, but I don’t believe in you. I don’t believe you’re as competent as I am.’ ”
专家们表示，与我小时候，也就是20世纪40年代和50年代相比，今天由陌生人实施的针对儿童的犯罪非但没有增加，很可能还显著减少了。要知道，我们那时候是自己步行上学，还在户外跟朋友玩耍，旁边都没有成年人的监管。“世界不是完美的——从来就不是，但过去我们一直相信孩子们自己能行，相信他们可以从中学会随机应变，”斯科纳兹女士说。“而如今的这些焦虑的父母传达给子女们的信息却是：‘我爱你，但我不信任你。我不相信你像我一样能干。’ ”

Dr. Gray, author of “Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life,” said in an interview, “If children are not allowed to take routine risks, they’ll be less likely to be able to handle real risks when they do occur.”
格雷博士撰写了《会玩才会学——当野孩子有什么不好？》(Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinct to Play Will Make Our Children Happier, More Self-Reliant, and Better Students for Life)一书。他在接受采访时说，“如果孩子们从没有机会面对日常风险，那么，当真正的危险降临时，他们越不可能有能力应对。”

Case in point: His college’s counseling office has seen a doubling in the rate of emergency calls in the last five years, “mainly for problems kids used to solve on their own,” like being called a bad name by a roommate or finding a mouse in the room. “Students are prepared academically, but they’re not prepared to deal with day-to-day life, which comes from a lack of opportunity to deal with ordinary problems,” Dr. Gray said. “Over the past 60 years, there’s been a huge change, well documented by social scientists, in the hours a day children play outdoors — less than half as much as parents did at their children’s ages,” he said.
举例为证：在过去五年内，他所在学院的辅导办公室接到的紧急求助电话翻了一番，“基本上都是为了一些以往孩子们可以独立解决的问题”，比如被室友起了个难听的昵称或是在房间里发现一只老鼠等等。“学生们只准备好了如何搞定学业上的困难，却并没有准备好要如何应对日常生活，因为他们一直没什么机会去处理那些寻常的问题，”格雷博士说。“社会科学家的资料显示，在过去的60年里发生了巨大的变化——现在孩子们每天在户外玩耍的时间还不到他们父母当初的一半，”他说。

In decades past, children made up their own games and acquired important life skills in the process. “In pickup games,” Dr. Gray said, “children make the rules, negotiate, and figure out what’s fair to keep everyone happy. They develop creativity, empathy and the ability to read the minds of other players, instead of having adults make the rules and solve all the problems.”
几十年前，孩子们自创游戏，并从这一过程中习得重要的生活技能。格雷博士说：“在临时组织的比赛中，孩子们自己制定规则并相互协商，最后确定下来让每个人都满意的最公平的玩法。由此他们的创造力得到了开发，也学会了揣度和体谅其他玩家的心理，而不是任由成年人给他们定下规矩并大包大揽地解决所有问题。”

Dr. Gray links the astronomical rise in childhood depression and anxiety disorders, which are five to eight times more common than they were in the 1950s, to the decline in free play among young children. “Young people today are less likely to have a sense of control over their own lives and more likely to feel they are the victims of circumstances, which is predictive of anxiety and depression,” he said.
格雷博士认为，今天儿童抑郁症和焦虑症会飙升至20世纪50年代的五到八倍，与儿童自由玩耍时间的减少有关。他说：“如今的年轻人对生活的掌控力较弱，相反，他们更容易觉得自己不过是客观环境下的牺牲品，这当然会产生焦虑和抑郁情绪。”

There are also physical consequences to restricting children’s outdoor play because there are no adults available to supervise it. Children today spend many more hours indoors than in years past, which in part accounts for the rise in childhood obesity and Type 2 diabetes. Many elementary schools have even canceled recess, believing it is time better spent cramming children’s heads with facts and figures.
由于成年人没有足够的时间和精力来监管，就限制孩子们能在户外玩耍的时间，这对他们的身体也会造成影响。与以前相比，如今的孩子们待在室内的时间大大增加，从某种程度上导致了儿童肥胖和2型糖尿病的多发。很多小学甚至把课间休息也取消了，他们认为与其休息，还不如抓紧这些时间把资料和数字塞进孩子们的脑袋里。

“Childhood should be a time of freedom and play, not building a résumé for college,” Dr. Gray said.
格雷博士说：“童年本就应该自由玩耍，这段时光不是用来打造漂亮的大学入学简历的。”

As Ms. Skenazy put it, “if parents truly believe children must be supervised every second of the day, then they can’t walk to school, play in the park, or wake up Saturday morning, get on their bikes and go have an adventure.”
正如斯科纳兹女士所说的那样：“如果家长真的认为自己的子女每分每秒都离不开照管，那么孩子们就不能自己走路去上学或是在公园玩耍，更不能在星期六早上起床后骑上自行车出门去探索新天地。”

Some 2,000 families were screened by the Discovery Life Channel to find 13 families crippled by anxiety yet willing to have an intervention. “The parents weren’t easy pushovers,” Ms. Skenazy said. “Some were very unhappy to see me at first. But once pride in what their children achieved replaced their fears, they were ecstatic — relaxed and happy instead of crippled with fear.”
探索生活频道筛查了约2000个家庭，从中找到了13个深受焦虑困扰却愿意尝试接受干预的家庭。“要说服父母们可不是件容易的事，”斯科纳兹说。“有些人一开始根本不想见到我。但当他们对孩子成就的自豪感冲淡了恐惧，每个人都欣喜若狂，变得又轻松又快乐。”

Ms. Skenazy spent four days with each family, introducing a different challenge each day. Sam learned to cut cheese and slice a tomato with a sharp knife and then made sandwiches for his parents. He also learned to ride a two-wheeler.
斯科纳兹与每个家庭都共处了四天，每一天都给他们提出不同的挑战课题。山姆学会了用锋利的餐刀将奶酪和西红柿切片，然后给父母做三明治。他还学会了骑两轮脚踏车。

“I don’t guarantee I’ll take away all their worry, just give them the confidence to loosen the reins on their kids,” she said. “Kids need roots and wings. Parents give them roots. I give them wings.”
“我无法保证我可以解除他们所有的忧虑，我只是给了他们一点信心，让他们放松对孩子们的束缚而已，”斯科纳兹说。“孩子们需要根基和翅膀。如果说父母给了他们根基，那么，就让我来给他们翅膀吧。”