男人绝对不能对女人说的八句话

“When a guy says this, or 'Wow, you look slimmer!' my blood starts to boil because, nope, I'm the exact same weight I was yesterday. I resist the urge to grab a marker, pants this doofus, circle all his fat and instead say, 'I haven't lost any weight. But you've lost any chance of going home with me.' The only way this dude can recover is by full-on admitting he was just trying to be nice and didn't know what else to say because I'm always looking great. But seriously, don't comment on a woman's weight, ever!”
-Marianne Schaberg, writer and comedian
“如果有个男人说，‘哇，你看起来变瘦了！’那我简直就要怒发冲冠了，因为我的体重跟昨天差不多。我拼命压住想抓起一支马克笔把这蠢货身上的脂肪都圈出来的冲动，说：‘我并没有变瘦。但是你已经失去和我做朋友的机会了。’唯一挽救的办法就是，这家伙要诚心诚意地承认，他只是想说点好听的，但是不知道该说些别的什么，因为我一直都很美。不过，说真的，不要评论一个女人的体重，永远不要！”
——作家、喜剧演员玛丽安·史嘉伯

"Wow, I didn't recognize you with makeup on."
No.7 “哇，你化了妆我都认不出来了。”

“It drives me nuts when I wear makeup and a man says to me, ‘Oh my god, I didn't recognize you! You're so pretty.’ This is the ultimate backhanded compliment. I don't wear make-up at my day job because I don't consider all of life a show. A simple 'You look very pretty today,' is fine. Beyond that, we're not that close, so please keep your comments to yourself. I don't tell you when your bald spot looks extra shiny, don't tell me when I'm looking tired or fat or thin. I have a mirror. Believe me, I know.”
-Corinne Fisher, comedian, New York City
“要是我化了妆，一个男人对我说: ‘我的天，我都认不出你了！你真美。’那我绝对要气炸。这纯粹是挖苦。我白天工作时不化妆，因为我不认为整个人生是一场戏。他只要简单地说：‘你今天真漂亮’就很好。别的话就算了，因为我们的关系并没有那么近。所以，不要乱说话。我不会告诉你今天你的秃头有多亮，所以你也别告诉我我看起来很累或是胖了瘦了，我自己有镜子。相信我，我自己知道的。”
——喜剧演员科琳·费希尔，来自纽约

“Can’t you take a joke?”
No.8 “怎么就这么开不起玩笑？”

“Sometimes when men find out I perform stand-up comedy, they think that gives them permission to 'fake-insult' me. When I don't laugh, they ask, ‘Can't you take a joke?' to which I say, 'Can't you tell a joke?' Enjoying humor isn't a green light for reciting every sexist joke your uncle told the family at Thanksgiving dinner.”
-Carolyn Busa, host of "Side Ponytail" in Williamsburg, Brooklyn
“有时候当男人发现我是个单口相声演员时，他们就会认为自己有权拿我开涮。如果我不赔笑，他们就会问：‘怎么就这么开不起玩笑？’我说：‘你就不能自己来个笑话？’看滑稽表演并不意味着你可以把你叔叔在感恩节家庭聚餐时说的黄色笑话搬到这里来。”
——布鲁克林区威廉斯堡市节目《侧马尾》主持人卡洛琳·布萨