别人想让你相信的荒谬之事

I had renewed my internet connection as it had expired a day back but it wasn't started yet. So I called up my internet service provider. He tried to convince me this:
在我的网络连接过期一天之后我去续订了，但是它却依旧没有连上。所以我打电话去问网络服务提供商。他试图让我相信：

"Just as water takes time to reach the tap after the pipeline hasn't been used for a day or two, it would take few hours for internet to reach through the LAN cable as the air in has to move out first. Don't worry It would come fast as the line was serviced few days back."
“如果水管有一两天没用了，那么水流到水龙头要花费一些时间，网络也一样，要先排出网线里的空气，所以需要花几个小时才能接通。不用担心，网速会跟以前一样快的。”

That Windows is trying to find a solution to the problem just occurred.
Windows会一发生问题就会去找解决方法。

That "your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line and a customer service representative will be with you shortly."
“您的来电对我们来说非常重要，请不要挂机，有客服代表将立即与您通话。”

Really? If my call is so important to you, why have you kept me on hold for the last 30 fricking minutes? If my call is so important, shouldn't you be hiring more staff or doing something about high frequency call hours so that you don't shamelessly waste my valuable time?
你们没逗我？如果我的电话对你们来说如此重要，那你们为什么把我晾在线上整整30分钟？如果我的电话有这么重要，你们难道不应该雇更多人手或者在来电频率较高的时间段做些什么吗？你们不觉得浪费我宝贵的时间非常无耻吗？

Please just tell me the truth. "We'll get to you when we get to you."
请告诉我事实。“我们将在接通电话后处理您的事情。”

Me: My internet isn't working.
我：我的网络断了。

My ISP's (MTNL) Customer Care: Did you try restarting the modem.
网络服务提供商（MTNL）客服：您试过重启调制解调器吗？

Me: Yes.
我：试过了。

CustCare : Are you using Internet Explorer.
客服：您在使用IE浏览器吗？

Me: No.
我：没有。

CustCare: You must, else it won't work.
客服：您必须使用，不然您的网络无法运行。

Me: Ok, it is still not working.
我：（默默地捂脸）我开了IE，但还是不行。

CustCare: You must have a virus.
客服：那您一定是中病毒了。

Me: Instead of mentioning I am on Linux, I said, I just ran a scan.
我：先不提我用的是Linux操作系统，我只是扫描了一下。

CustCare: THEN IT MUST BE HIDING IN YOUR LAN WIRE!
客服：（非常严肃认真地）那病毒一定是藏在你的网线里！