警务调度员也有脆弱的时候

I am a 911 dispatcher .
我是一名911救援调度员
I take emergency calls,
我的工作职责是接听报警电话
offer emergency medical instruction until EMS arrives,
在救护人员赶到现场前对受灾者进行医疗急救指导
and dispatch units to calls as well
也会派遣军队到需要帮助的地方去
I've been doing it for about four years,
我从事这个工作已经四年了
and I've heard some of the worst things you can imagine.
我听闻过不少你可以想象到的最可怕的事情
It takes a toll on you, mentally and emotionally.
这让我深受震撼，我感到精神疲乏，心情哀伤
Usually, I'm pretty good at dealing with the aftermath
一般情况下，我都很擅长应对这种灾后心理创伤
but today I'm on a mandatory 16 hour shift
可是今天，我不得不值16个小时的班
so I'm tired, cranky, and just overall done with today...
我筋疲力尽，焦躁不安，简直受够了这一天了
so of course that's when I get a suicide call.
可是，你可以想见，就在这个时候，我接到了一个自杀求助电话。
Minor child hung herself, mom discovered her and cut her down.
一个未成年的小女孩企图上吊自杀，幸好母亲及时发现，把绳索砍断了
I already have the call over for dispatcher to get the ambo rolling.
我已经打电话，调遣了一辆救护车过来
Mom wants to try CPR so I start walking her through the process.
女孩的妈妈想给女孩做心脏复苏，我开始一步一步的告诉她当前的急救处理办法
I don't know if it was because the daughter was my own son's age
我不知道是因为什么，或许是因为那个女孩正好和我自己的儿子年龄相仿
or the way the mother was begging her daughter not to go
也或许是因为那个母亲一直乞求自己的女儿不要离开自己，让我动容
or the way she was obviously choking down the hysteria while she counted those compressions with me,
又或者是因为她和我一起数着按压心脏的次数时，一边歇斯底里，一边又哽咽着企图克制自己的情绪
but this call broke me.
无论如何，这通电话让我完全崩溃了
I told the supervisor I needed a break
我告诉监管人员我需要休息一下
when I was able to disconnect and drove to the gas station to get a drink.
这时我才终于从所有电话中脱身，开车到加油站去喝了一杯酒
I was siting in the parking lot in front of the store and I broke down.
我把车停在店门口的停车场，静静的坐着，感到自己分崩离析
Ugly crying, chest heaving, panic attack break down.
我开始哭泣，十分狼狈，我的胸口剧烈起伏，一阵恐慌感压到了我
And I just kept imagining what that mother was going through.
我开始想象那位母亲经历了什么
Someone knocked on my window
有人在敲我的车玻璃
and I look over to see the little old woman who owns the gas station.
我转头一看，原来是加油站的老板，一个瘦小的老妇人。
The store is about 5 minutes from the call center, so all the dispatchers are pretty familiar faces to her.
这个加油站到呼叫中心只有5分钟的车程，因此所有的调度员她都见过很多次。
She motioned for me to roll down the window, which I did.
她示意让我把窗户摇下来，我照做了。
She handed me a to-go cup of hot chocolate
她递给我一只打包纸杯，里面是热巧克力
and a plastic bag with stuff in it,
还有一个装着什么东西的塑料袋
cupped my face with one hand and told me
她用一只手托起我的脸，对我说，
"You do good, too.“
你也要好好的。
Remember the ones you saved when you can't forget the ones you weren't able to."
如果你无法忘记那些你没法救助的人，就想想那些你救过的人吧！”
Then she smiled and walked back into the store.
接着她笑了笑，转身走回了店里。
The bag had a double chocolate chip muffin, a bag of Swedish Fish, a pack of tissues, and my favorite energy drink in it.
塑料袋里装着一只双份巧克力碎马芬，一袋瑞典炸鱼片，一包纸巾，还有一罐我最喜欢的功能饮料。
Thanks, Margaret, for being there when I didn't even know I needed someone to be there.
谢谢你，玛格丽特，谢谢你走到我身边，当我甚至不知道我需要某人靠近我，安慰我的时候。
And for remembering your customers so well that you understood why I was crying and knew exactly what to say to help me through it.
谢谢你对你的顾客如此熟悉，你知道我为何哭泣，知道自己应该说什么，才能帮我度过难关。
And thanks for the care package, too.
也谢谢你给我的安慰零食包。