当代青年网恋观察：奔现就像买彩票？

人生三大错觉：老师在门口、手机在振动、他/她喜欢我。

你有过上面哪种错觉呢？

即时社交软件让以往现实恋爱与网恋的界限变得模糊。

 有时候，昨天加的那个人，今天就奔了现。

还有时候是反过来：现实中处得不错，放一个暑假，就成了网恋。

 As we spend more and more of our lives online, inevitably we discover ourselves flirting with people we have never met in real life - you might even call it having a crush.

我们花在网上的时间越来越多，自然而然就会更容易和现实中没见过的人撩起来，有人甚至会说“我网恋了”。

There’s something about the dynamism of social media that feels both more truthful and more mysterious. You have lots of intimate knowledge of a person but you can’t see them.

社交媒体的运行机制会让人觉得既有非常真实的一面，也有十分神秘的一面。你知道很多屏幕那头人的秘密，但你却从未见过他/她。

 今天我们分享的故事，让你一窥网恋中的众多侧面。

看看翻看对方所有的朋友圈、微博是不是惯例？

以及，是否甜蜜大多相似，磨难各有不同。

 01  奔现和买彩票差不多

When we would eventually meet, sometimes it was pure magic, one of these rare times in a life when everything finally seemed to fit together and I felt I'd met my other half. Other times it was… well, less magic, because the spark in the person didn't match the connection we made online.

有时候和网撩对象见面会很有化学反应，这种反应一辈子可能都少见，好像一切都很合拍，找到真爱了的感觉。不过有的时候见面就……呃，没那么合适，面对面的交流还没有网聊的时候有火花四溅的感觉。

Sometimes the other person and I would feel the same way, whether we were overwhelmed or underwhelmed. Even worse than both of us being disappointed was when one of us would be thrilled while the other was not, which would eventually result in hurt feelings on both sides.

有时候对方和我想得一样，不管是有被惊喜到还是感觉很无聊。但比我俩都很失望还要更糟糕的情况是这样的：我俩其中一位感觉对方很不错，但对方却无感。这种情况最终会伤害双方。

The first time I met an online love it was magic, and as a longtime romantic I simply assumed it would feel like that every time. So I was shocked when the second time I met someone I had connected with online, there was no magic, no spark, none of what I was so sure would happen because it had happened once before.

我第一次见网友的经历就很棒，非常浪漫，以至于我误以为网聊奔现都应该是这种美好的感觉。所以第二次奔现的时候就很幻灭，两人之间完全没有火花，根本不是我之前经历的那种浪漫状况。

On the bright side, she and I have been good friends ever since. And the few more times I have met someone online and then met in person some time later, the experience has been somewhere in between the first and second times—some spark but not fireworks.

不过也不完全是坏事儿，我和她后来成了朋友。后来几次我跟人网聊之后再奔现，感觉都处在最初两次的感受之间——有点化学反应，但并非一见钟情。

 02  糟糕，被发现了

Once I had a crush on a guy. From the internet. And I was secretly watching a YouTube video that he had posted. And my finger slipped and I accidentally clicked "like" or "thumbs up" or whatever.

有次我对一个网撩的男生有好感。然后我就在网上看他发的视频，结果一不小心手滑，按了赞！

And this was the first time I realized that YouTube was directly, horrifyingly linked to my Gmail. So there was my face, next to a thumbs up of this video that I was secretly, creepily watching. And I freaked out. And was like "Undo! Undo! Undo!!!

那时我才知道油管账号是直接跟我的邮箱绑定的。所以我的邮箱头像就出现在了视频底下的“点赞区”，显示出我在偷偷看他的视频。我吓坏了，疯狂找：“撤回，有没有撤回键！”

 So then I clicked "thumbs down" thinking that would undo it somehow, but no, obviously that just meant that now my face was on the YouTube video next to a thumbs down icon and it was very embarrassing, and then when we met in real life, I pretended to barely know who he was even though obviously I'd watched his video.

结果我就点了“踩”……想着应该可以抵消那个赞。但是并没有，我的头像只是从“按赞区”移动到了“按踩区”，尴尬。之后我和他奔现的时候，我都装作不太了解他的样子，哪怕很显然我看过他的视频。

03  看过你的历史，我们才有未来

I started a new job about a year ago and was surprised to discover that my boss, the editor-in-chief, was a pretty young, kinda hot dude - in a hot dad way. But we never really interact in person since he's not my direct boss.

一年前我换了份新工作，很惊喜地发现我的上司——也就是主编——还是蛮年轻的帅大叔。但其实我们并没有太多接触，因为他并不是我的直属上司。

But in my first week he started following me on Twitter, which I was really flattered by because he only follows a few hundred people on Twitter. Then I wrote something and he tweeted about it, so I faved that.

但工作的第一周他就在推特上关注了我，我有点受宠若惊，因为他也就关注了几百个人而已。我发过的推文也被他转发过，然后我就给他的转发点了赞。

Then I realized I was favoriting quite a few of his tweets, and then things got weird where I was like faving his tweets on Saturdays, or going back to old tweets and faving those. I think I thought I was being subtle and saying "oh, heyyyyy," except it wasn't subtle at all.

后来我发现我给他的很多条推文都点过赞。之后就越来越诡异了，周六休息日给他点赞也就算了，我还翻到他的历史推文里按赞。我内心想的是，这是很隐晦的表示“诶，我对你有意思”。但其实这么做简直昭然若揭啊。

 04  朋友的朋友才是中奖的那个

In 2009 I befriended a guy whom one of my other friends had gone out with a few times. Once he accepted my Facebook friend request, I naturally went to look at all of his recent photos. In his photos was another guy that caught my attention, so I went and looked at his profile and lurked behind all of his photos. "What a babe," I thought. I was immediately obsessed.

2009年我加了一个男生，我有个朋友跟他出去玩儿过几次。他刚一接受我的脸书好友申请，我就自觉跑到他的相册里翻看。照片里有个男生吸引了我的注意力，然后我就点进去看他的主页，鬼鬼祟祟地翻看他的照片。“好帅啊”，我心想。我感觉我恋爱了。

I decided to take my virtual stalking offline by messaging our mutual friend and not-so-subtly asking for him to hook us up. Go big or go home, right?

我决定到线下去追这个男生。然后我就给我俩共同的朋友发了消息，明目张胆地叫他给我俩牵线搭桥。要么就玩大的，要么就别玩，不是吗？

To make a long story short, yadda yadda yadda, Billy and I got married in December 2013!

总而言之，啦啦啦哈哈哈哈，我和比利在2013年12月完婚啦！

网恋都要奔现，只是时机早晚。

 不过很多人都卡在“要不要奔现”的问题上，磨磨蹭蹭，时间一长，最后把彼此晾成了联系人里只在过年会“诈尸”的点赞之交。

There is always going to be a divide, however, between our public persona(e)—whether presented via Twitter or Facebook—and who we are in the physical realm.

我们用来社交的公共人格——无论是推特还是脸书上的形象——和现实中的我们肯定是有区别的。

On social media, you get all the fun, interesting parts of someone without having to deal with the things that are difficult or dull about them. They are not presenting to you, for the most part—or at least in any way that actually affects you—their idiosyncrasies, emotional unavailability, or the way they chew with their mouth open.

在社媒上，你只会看到别人生活中有趣好玩的部分，不会看到他们生活中的困难和乏味。绝大多数时候，至少为了不影响到你，他们不会向你展示他们的小癖好、不愿传递的情感、以及大声吧唧嘴的样子。

 If you want my advice, don't avoid making online connections—they can be marvelous experiences while they last. But I would recommend trying to meet each other before your feelings become so intense that you'll be seriously heartbroken if that initial meeting doesn't go well.

如果要我给建议，我会说一定要建立网撩关系——如果能长久，那必定是超棒的经历。不过我也会建议说，尽量在两人聊得热火朝天之前就奔现，这么做可以避免过高的期望值在不甚满意的初见打击下碎成一地的情况。

Think of it as having a crush for a long time: you may idealize someone to such an extent that when you finally get to meet them, you can't help but be disappointed by the real person you actually meet.

想想暗恋某个人很长一段时间的体验：你会把对方理想化，程度越来越深。等到最终和对方奔现的时候，见到真实的人，你根本扛不住失望的心情。

奔现最好在好感刚出现没多久的时候，趁热打铁。

网聊的时间过长，可用的话题就变少，见面容易尴尬。而且聊得久了，对彼此的印象就更容易理想化，见面后“见光死”的几率也大了不少。

怎么样，要不要约正在撩的人明早出来喝咖啡？

Notes

flirt /flɜːt/ v撩；调情

creepy /ˈkriːpi/ adj怪异的；离奇的

fave /feɪv/ n特别喜爱的人或事物；（此处是动词）点赞

lurk /lɜːk/ v埋伏；潜伏；（网络上）潜水；隐身（阅读别人的讨论但不参与其中）

idiosyncrasy /ˌɪdiəˈsɪŋkrəsi/ n（个人特有的）习性；特征；癖好

chew /tʃuː/ v咀嚼；嚼碎

idealize /aɪˈdiːəlaɪz/ v将……理想化